In a vague attempt to rebuild his credit rating, Merasmus has started selling off haunted relics in a desperate attempt to fund a brand new Anti-Soldier Defense Missile, and he needs your help. For some reason. Not sure what a bunch of mercenaries can do, but Merasmus is offering Scream Fortress goodies! Just like the... um... last... four years? Has it really been four years? Wow, both me and the potted plant are getting old.


Anyway, here's Scream Fortress XI. Or whatever's left of it.









New crates! Of course! Everyone loves crates! Apart from the poor and Irish. Better stock up on a brand new set of crates which will be worthless after everyone's unboxed a bunch of them!



New maps again! What would Scream Fortress be without new, spooked up places to murder in?

Contrackers AND Gargoyles? No... wait, just Gargoyles. Soul ones. Again. I'm starting to notice a pattern with these things. Do they work, you ask? I dunno, you should probably ask someone more qualified than me.


Like the potted plant. That guy works so damn hard. Actually, it doesn't. But the potted plant outranks me around here so I have to be careful what I say...


Also, no spells. No one listens to us any more.

Seems like literally no one wants to buy THESE haunted relics. Can't even give them away. Probably because Merasmus gives out more of them every year. Supply and Demand, Merasmus, do you know what that is? Clearly not, otherwise he'd no longer be in debt.
Look! More taunts! Wait... What, there aren't taunts? Are there? I have no idea any more. Just taunt unusual thingies, apparently.

This year's budget went into yet more unusual effects. Because we clearly need more of those, don't we?

Is this really still a thing? It is? Really? You sure, potted plant? What? I STILL have to write a small piece about it? Really? I don't get paid enough for this. Yes, potted plant, I'm aware I'm an intern. Yes, I know no one asked me to do this, but the people deserve to know!
Not even my cat can save it this time...

This is clearly a spoof. Made by Medic, who writes a blog called the Daily SPUF, although this is clearly a website called I'm not affiliated with Valve in any way. Just thought I'd clarify that. Miss you, old Steam Powered User Forums. You were taken too soon.