Most of the Tragon cafes the two beings had passed had been absolutely packed but this little cafe was rather empty. It was clear why, the sign above it loudly proclaimed that it was for first dates only. Inside were only a handful of potential couples, all sizing each other up and awkwardly making small talk, while a mechanical table wandered around, serving them all drinks.
Thisia immediately grabbed a table right at the back of the room and roughly forced her new potential mate into the chair opposite her, before sitting down herself. There was a strange eagerness in her eyes that would repeatedly flare up the more excited she got.
“So, uh…” Arkadin was doing his best to keep his cool, but he was struggling. Everything he had seen about this society so far had been weirdly overly cutesy and attractive, as if every being here lived within a perfect sitcom. “This is…”
“I gotta inspect you first!” Thisia eyed the yellow Tragon up and down. She knew something was off about this Kristos the moment she saw him, but Thisia really couldn’t tell what. He HAD to have been a Tragon, the Tragons knew no other beings, but he seemed weirdly otherworldly. As if he was a being from the stars who didn’t understand Tragons the same way Thisia didn’t understand Kristos.
“I think it’s better to start with the brains when you’re inspecting someone…” Arkadin muttered. “Sure they might be sexy but what’s the point of being sexy if you are a horrible being?”
“No one’s horrible here!”
“I’m sure some Tragons are…”
Thisia grunted. “You have a point though. It’s good to know what personality you’re getting into. Makes the sex better if you think the same way.”
Arkadin sighed internally. This was not going well at all. Clearly the mechanical table could also sense that their “date” was not going well too and had brought over two mugs that, when put together, formed a heart shape. The drink inside was red with a purple froth on top. Thisia took both drinks and handed one to the being she believed to be Kristos.
“Drink up!” Thisia smiled, gulping her drink down in one go. But her smile didn’t last long when she noticed that Kristos was still eyeing his drink. “You… don’t like me?”
Thisia watched as the Tragon sitting opposite her looked around the room, as if to check whether they were being watched or not. He then raised his hand and waved it slightly.
Suddenly, Kristos’s body melted away, replaced by that of a very strange, obviously alien being.
“I KNEW IT!” Thisia hissed. “You’re an alien! We AREN’T alone in this universe! No one would believe the scientists!”
“There is loads of life in this universe, but I’m not really an alien…” Arkadin began to explain. “I’m actually a deity.”
“Which one?” Thisia asked. “Because you don’t look like one of the Holy Three.”
“I’m Arkadin, the God of Decay and Death.”
“There is a god of death?” Thisia leaned forward. “Who would want to be a god of that?”
“Trust me, it wasn’t by choice. But I came here because frankly, this place should not exist-”
“AND YOU’RE GOING TO-”
Arkadin raised his hand, silencing Thisia. “Please, be quiet and listen. I’m not here to cause alarm. I’m actually working on an investigation for my brother Kairos…”
“The Holy Whenvern?”
“Yes, him.”
Thisia settled down. “He’s your brother? Why would he let something as vile as a death god exist?”
Arkadin closed his eyes and took a long, deep breath. “Please, can you not? I don’t want to have to go into my normal spiel about how death is a necessary thing for the universe to continue spinning on as it is. What I want to know is where you all came from. Because as far as Kairos and myself are concerned, your entire species has only existed for 8 days.”
“B-b-but…” Thisia gasped. “That’s impossible! We have been around for thousands of years! Blessed Yisin and Panin made us, using the blood of the Dragon God of Time! That’s why we live for so long!”
“And how long do you all normally live for?”
“About…” Thisia thought to herself. “We all live for about five thousand years each. Then when we hit the big 5K, we just… kinda drop dead.”
“With no illnesses or anything?”
“No… Only way we die is by accident or by reaching 5000. It’s always been like that. Everything has always been how it is.”
“Hm. Interesting…” Arkadin summoned a piece of paper and began writing things down on it.
Thisia seemed far less enthused now. Sure, it was cool meeting a deity but Thisia had hoped that she’d found a brand new boyfriend, a lot like her. Now she had to walk home, on her own, in front of everyone, without a new partner. Almost no one left these cafes without someone to hold hands with. Plus, this Arkadin being was pretty scary and Thisia was concerned about what he could do. Or even if Arkadin was a he in the first place.
Arkadin looked up. Teeth were sticking out of his jaw. Thisia assumed that he was smiling in some strange way? “I apologise for not being straight with you. I don’t like to actively affect new species but this case I am working on is very important.”
“Why?”
The Thantophor glanced around. “Well… Alright. 8 days ago, something happened and Kairos fell ill. To the point that he was dead for 7 seconds. After 4 seconds passed, I managed to swoop in, fix time and resuscitate Kairos. But those four seconds are unaccounted for. Something happened in that time that includes the creation of and the fabrication of a backstory for your planet. As far as the rest of the universe is concerned, this place only began to exist after Kairos’s incident.”
“So we… shouldn’t exist? And you’re…”
“I’m not going to kill anyone.”
“Oh good…”
Arkadin put his things away and leaned forward. “You seem upset.”
“I’d… kinda hoped I’d found a new boyfriend with interests just like mine. I only have the one and he’s cute but we’re not perfect. Now I have to walk home on my own…”
The Thantophor hesitated, then held out his hand. “Well, I can’t be your boyfriend, but I can walk you home at least.”
“Really?” Thisia suddenly lit up. She watched as Arkadin placed way too much money on the table to pay for the drinks, stepped over towards her and offered his hand.
“Of course. It would be rude of me not to, after you gave me your time and all this valuable information…”