“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, KAIROS?” Arkadin bellowed as he charged into the grand hall. He was late to the meeting Kinisis, the Mother of Gods and Goddess of All, had arranged, but he didn’t care. “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG? YOU PISSED OFF EPANI, YOU PISSED ME OFF AND YOU PISSED OFF YISINI!”
“I’m not that angry…” Yisini, the Lady of Life, muttered as she coiled herself up with her long, serpent tail. “I think it’s just you…”
“No, I am angry too!” Epani interrupted. “I am doing my duties minding my own and Whenvern attacked me, claiming I was interfering with his own duties. There was a rip in space I am required to fix. I could not do my job to its fullest potential until after the Whenvern had left.”
“Forget about that!” Arkadin butted in. “I just had to clear up the mess of two and a half billion fauna and countless flora! Fifty seven million of which had evolved into intelligent life with their own unique language!”
Yisini blinked. “Wait, you mean that little purple planet I made…”
“We did not…”
“Kairos and Epani blew it up while they were fighting!” Arkadin snapped. “That’s why I was late! I had to get all of that broken down and recycled so that Yisini can remake that cute little planet!”
“You mean my purple planet with the red iron oceans?” Yisini asked.
“Yep. That one.”
“Aw…” Yisini wiped a tear from her eye. “I liked that one. I spent ages messing with the DNA of low level organisms so that they’d evolve into a uniquely clever race in under a million years…”
With a growl, Arkadin turned to Kinisis, a snarl on his lips. “Kinisis, I ask of you kindly to cease these damn competitions between us. They’re… they’re damaging to us! It’s like you are trying to make us want to attack each other!”
Kinisis sat in her chair, nonchalantly playing with a shiny blue crystal. “Nope.”
The Thantophor sighed. “Why?”
“Because you all need to get out more. Especially you. Why do you even care if-”
“FUCKING FUCK WHY DO NONE OF YOU FUCKING GET IT?” Arkadin screeched. “I FUCKING HATE MY JOB. I DO CARE IF THINGS DIE BECAUSE A. IT’S MORE WORK FOR ME AND B. IT’S SAD, HAVING TO DEAL WITH ALL THE DEAD THINGS!” The Lord of Death took a long, deep breath. “Seriously. It’s not enjoyable doing what I do. I make the most of it. Sometimes I even make my days enjoyable. But this doesn’t even have anything to do with me!”
Kinisis looked up, tutting. “You sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure!” Arkadin sighed again. “I want us to work together to make this universe better, just like you and Kenon want! I don’t want to be in constant competition with my siblings! We could do so much if we weren’t at each others’ throats or keeping tons of tiny secrets, all working on our own! And if less competition means that Kairos stops acting like a cunt, then all the better!”
Kinisis stared at Arkadin, as if he had just pissed all over her cereal. Arkadin couldn’t physically do that, he lacked the anatomy and biological need to do so, but he knew he had angered his mother.
“You stand in my way, child?”
“I do…” Arkadin stood his ground. “You sit here, making our lives harder while I try and make a difference among mortals.”
“You’re not doing a very good job.”
“Well I’m rather limited as the God of, you know, Death…” Arkadin rolled his eyes.
Kinisis continued to stare. “You do as you are told, Arkadin. You remember the last time you stepped out of line.”
“Fine…” the Thantophor growled as he walked off. “Continue with your stupid games. But don’t fucking bitch if Yisini ends up short on material any time soon!”