“How are you feeling today?”
Trismit twiddled his thumbs, staring at the ceiling. He was lying in a very large bed made completely out of pillows, all insanely soft to the point that he felt like he was sinking. To his left was a large, tinted window with pale pink curtains, overlooking the city of Thre-Vretania. To his right was an elderly Skyavok holding a pad and a pen. This Skyan, adorned in pretty silver charms and a fancy gold trim highlighting their simple armour, was Trismit’s mental therapist, going by the name Emdee.
“I do not know. There are… a lot of emotions…”
“Well, let us break it down a little.”
Emdee had been specializing in Rethan mental health for decades. Something about how harsh and stern the elder race was fascinated Emdee. But what interested him more was how… non-existent their emotions were. On the surface, the Rethavok were powerful, cold warriors. Deep down however, most of them barely felt anything. It was almost as if they were not allowed to feel.
“I feel horrible.”
Trismit was an unusual case. He was one of what Emdee considered to be the lower caste, the unthinking, unfeeling masses that did as they were told. But traumatic events had essentially pushed him head first into having emotions. Emotions he was struggling to deal with. Emotions he was not equipped to deal with.
“Why do you feel horrible?”
“It was my fault.”
Emdee sighed. Every time he had spoken to Trismit, Trismit had insisted that everything was his fault.
“If it was your fault, you would be in prison for it, yes?”
Trismit hesitated, then nodded. “I still feel that I shoulder some of the blame though. I knew what I was doing was wrong. I may have been forced to build those horrible machines.”
“You said it yourself, Trismit, you were forced to build those machines. Your other choice was to die. Most vok will do whatever it takes to stay alive.”
Emdee watched as Trismit’s breathing calmed down. He was clearly very, very stressed. He decided to change the topic.
“Trismit, did you try writing down how you were feeling at different times of the day?”
Very suddenly, Trismit’s heart started racing. “I… I do not… I do not want to…”
“Deep breaths.”
“Yes… deep breaths…”
Trismit did as he was told. Most Rethans seemed to do as Emdee told them to. As his heartbeat settled down, Trismit became more comfortable.
“I did as you said. But the things I wrote, they made me feel worse. I wrote horrible, self-hating things about myself. I wrote that I wanted to die, that I deserved to die. So I stopped writing.”
Emdee frowned. Normally writing things down was a good way for one to get things off their chest if they had no one to talk to.
“May I read what you wrote?”
“No. I destroyed it all. I could not stand knowing those words existed.”
“Well…” Emdee sighed. “That method is probably not for everyone. You’re not in a good state to discuss what you wrote today, but at some point we do need to talk about it. I’m going to put it aside for now so we can talk about other things. How else are you feeling?”
Trismit closed his eyes, sighing deeply. “Lonely. Retvik has a loving partner to go to and a small network that supports him. I know… no one. Aside from Retvik. And I do not wish to trouble him.”
“Retvik is a strong Rethan, if you were bothering him, he would tell you. I think finding some friends to talk to would help you quite a bit.”
“I cannot even begin to imagine myself going out there and… socializing.”
“You don’t have to socialise in person.”
Trismit suddenly sat up and stared at Emdee. “What do you mean by that?”
“Well, if you wish, if you play electronic games or anything like that, you can socialise with people that way.”
“I can?”
“Yes.”
“And I will not be judged?”
Emdee shrugged. “Vok will always judge each other, but there is nothing wrong with having friends you don’t see in person. I would recommend that you do branch out and make ‘irl’ friends, but we need to take baby steps here.”
“What about my… conditions?”
“It’s up to you to tell others, if you wish. I’d advise against oversharing for now, but frankly, you’re pretty damn healthy otherwise. Healthier than I’d expect considering what happened to you.”
Trismit thought to himself, slowly relaxing and lying back down, considering Emdee’s words. “Huh… Maybe I will… give that a try then…”