“Hello, dearies, how are you all?”
Retvik was not at all amused. The Allbirther had just ruined his favourite sofa with her colossal, serpentine body. Thankfully, Sini was not all slimy, but she normally left some sort of strange, floral smell wherever she went.
“I would be happier if you knocked on the door, like a normal person…” Retvik grunted. “Why are you here today?”
Sini smiled, then used her insanely long tail to grab Kayel and Nyssi from their bedrooms upstairs and plonk them on the sofa next to Tenuk. Still grunting, Retvik decided to be a good host and get everyone a drink, a can of diet cola, before sitting down himself.
“Soooo, sorry about your trip to Thalsa Two! Had no fucking idea how there was a hole to outside the universe there, but Epani’s sealed it shut. But it’s all sorted out now, and you all got some new experiences. Anyway, I have a job for you!”
“Is it more Corruptiids?” Nyssi asked as she nodded a thank you to Retvik for the drink. The temperatures in Palaestra were quite high, since it was the middle of summer. She nudged Tenuk to make sure that he drank plenty – being a small, very furry creature, he wasn’t really adapted for the hot weather.
“Oh, no, no. What with Arkay going back to calling himself his old slave name and working extra hard, he’s stopping most Corruption before the crumbs can latch on and form sentient life. But what I need from you is somewhat related…” Sini paused for a moment. “I kinda just realized, Retvik, you can’t help on this job.”
“Uh, why?”
“Because I have a different job for you!” Sini smiled. “Actually, your job is simpler. I’ll tell you your one first.”
With a whip of her tail, Sini grabbed Retvik and pulled him close. Retvik didn’t like this at all, but he wasn’t going to try and retaliate. He knew better.
“What job do you need me to do?”
The Allbirther put an arm around Retvik and ran her fingers down his head plate. “I need you to have lots of kids.”
“You have asked us all that before.”
“Yes, I have, but you’re currently dating someone who I have been trying to convince to have kids for a very, very long time.”
Retvik frowned. “I have literally just started dating Kuta, I have been free from the Bloodline Traditions for about five minutes and already you want us to have kids?”
“Yep.”
“But…”
Sini patted Retvik on the head. “Kuta is technically and paradoxically the perfect age to have kids. You’re still below 70. I know you’ve got your best healthy gladiator years ahead of you, and I’m not telling you to have kids right this second… although that would be great and funny… I just want you to, well, get serious with my favourite freak of nature. After all, I got Arkay to convince your stupid siblings to end the traditions so you can spread your fancy genetics, you’d better get on and actually do some spreading!”
With a grin, Sini let go of Retvik and pushed him back onto the other sofa. He was clearly embarrassed and was visibly deflating, sinking into the cushions. She glanced over to where Nyssi was sitting and grinned more.
“So, next job is for Nyssi. And it’s basically the same job I gave Retvik but you kinda need to find a permanent partner first. I need you to find a boyfriend with a 1% personal venom and see if you can have kids that have your awesome personal antivenom. Like with Retvik, there’s no massive rush, especially since you’re way younger and sexier, but Nyssi, dear, please consider kids at some point as well. Alright?”
Nyssi nodded, feeling nowhere near as flustered as Retvik felt. Sini was the matron deity of the Temthans and Nyssi planned to have kids at some point anyway, so what the Allbirther was asking of her wasn’t too bad.
Satisfied, Sini turned to Tenuk and Kayel.
“Are you going to ask us to have kids as well?” Kayel asked.
Sini’s smile faded slightly. “Honestly, kid? Not from you. The best Phantasma alive has grandkids already. Turns out, shadowjumping ain’t genetic at all and All-Ksa Elkay’s two daughters don’t have any shadow powers at all, despite him being the fucking Shadow Itself. Also, Tenuk’s royalty, his shapeshifting skills are kinda genetic, but it’s the whole being immortal thing that makes you quick and efficient, and I don’t think you having kids will pass that on.”
Tenuk shrugged. “I’m kinda too young for kids anyway. Best time to have kids is when I’m 200 years old.”
Sini nodded in agreement. “Glad you’re more open to it. Anyway, you two, more Kayel than Tenuk, my job for you is kinda… complicated. Actually, admittedly, it’s completely aimed at Kayel.”
“How so?” Kayel felt a little uneasy now.
“I need you to seduce Arkay.”
Kayel blinked, then snickered. “Haha, fucking really?”
“Yes.”
“But you said he doesn’t remember any of us. He’s gone back to being Epani’s pet.”
“I know. But, I’m gonna be blunt, the universe was at its best when Arkay was fucking Kuta. I don’t want to split Retvik up from his cute little poten-partner, so you, Kayel, are the next best thing, made better by the fact that you are closer to Arkay’s original species. Plus, you used to do sex work anyway, there’s no one in this universe who can get close to Arkay and get him to soften up again.”
“You… used to be a prostitute?” Tenuk whispered.
Kayel sighed, then nodded. “Yeah, I did a little sex work for a year after I defected and moved to L-Class. I needed money, I needed L-Class experience and, honestly, it’s not that bad a job since Skyavok have proper protections for everyone in the sex industry. But I mostly just did exotic massages and some kink stuff, only whatever I was comfortable with.”
“Is that why you own a whip?” Nyssi giggled.
“Heh, yeah. But, like, sure, I probably could do this but…” Kayel hesitated. “I want to be bribed into doing this. Because I was paid to do sex work and you want me to fuck a death god. Sure, the four of us considered Arkay to be our friends, but he doesn’t remember any of that. At the very least, I deserve hazard pay.”
The Allbirther thought to herself, then shrugged. “Yeah, sure. Whatever material possessions you want, you can have, as well as a little bit of money in the mean time. But as far as I’m concerned, Arkay going back to being a slave in the middle of one of our 2.5k spikes is going to spell disaster. Unless we give him a reason to not work himself to death, he will, well, work himself to death and he’ll be too weak to fight if something truly horrific comes by.”
“But…” Retvik raised a finger. “But both Arkay and the Lady of Light were… in a coma for a month?”
Sini sighed loudly. “It’s frankly a fucking miracle that nothing happened in that time. But that’s the main reason why I need Kayel to do this. And, in all honesty, if Nyssi and Tenuk can help seduce Arkay as well, then fucking go for it. Nyssi, if you manage to seduce Arkay, then I’ll make you the richest Temthan alive.”
Retvik raised his finger again. “You did not include me there.”
“You’re a Rethan. You’re monogamous as fuck. As horrible as I am, I don’t want to fuck up your relationship with Kuta, and the longer term goal of getting that insane psionic old-universe decayling bastard to have kids is more important to me.”
With a sigh, Retvik went back to sinking in his seat. However, everyone else was fine.
“Fine, I’ll do it. I’ll seduce Arkay. He’s cute anyway!” Kayel announced. “Where and when do I start?”
Sini went back to smiling. “Let me set up a… trap for Arkay, and I’ll get back to you. Alright?”
“Alright. You know where to find us!”
“Thank you, dears. Have a good one!” The Allbirther grinned, then patted Kayel on the head. She then proceeded to completely vanish, leaving nothing but the faint scent of lavender. Which, to Tenuk, was admittedly a bit of an aphrodisiac.
Kayel leaned back on the sofa, grinning, before standing up and heading up to his room. “Well, I’d better have a look for my old slutty clothes. I got a job to do.”
“You’re a Skyan!” Nyssi protested. “Slutty for you is not wearing a hoodie.”
“You’d be surprised!” Kayel laughed. “I always secretly kinda wanted to snuggle with Arkay anyway.”