“Arkay, are you well?”
Arkay had been doing guard duty for a while now. A little too long. Normally, anyone who worked on patrolling security only did five hour shifts and they were constantly rotated. Aside from Arkay, it was mainly Itaviir, Galyn or occasionally Tenuk who roamed around, with Elkay, Akah and occasionally one or two of Kal also providing backup. However, Arkay had been on constant guard for a little too long, and wasn’t really letting anyone take his place. Up until recently, he’d eventually move and let someone take over after the 10 hour mark, but today, Arkay had done 15 hours and no one had been able to move him. After a while though, Arkay had stopped pacing up and down and had settled on a single spot, allowing Galyn to patrol the rest of the area.
Eventually though, Litvir decided to step in.
“I’m fine.” Arkay didn’t look around to see who was speaking to him. At least Arkay hadn’t shapeshifted or anything, he was his normal, Skyan-like self, but he’d been floating around, gripping the staff part of his weirdly long gunstaff and floating in mid air, perfectly balanced.
“You are very clearly not fine.”
“I’m fine.”
“Arkay, please do not lie to me.”
“I said, I’m fine.”
Litvir crossed his arms in frustration. “I just told you not to lie, and now you have lied three times. This is not like you at all.”
Arkay sighed. It was a long, very defeated sigh.
“Are you going to take a break at some point?” Litvir asked. “There is an empty space on the bed with your name on it.”
“I don’t want to sleep. I want to stay awake and vigilant.”
“If you want to stay vigilant, that means taking the occasional break. We have schedules for our guard duties and you have been ignoring them. We are at our best after we have rested, after all.”
Arkay sighed again. “I’m a deity. A former one at least. I don’t need to rest.”
“That is a load of piss and you know it!” Litvir snapped. “Arkay, my dear, why are you acting like this? What is wrong?”
“I… I can’t explain it.”
Litvir lowered his tone. He didn’t want to upset Arkay. “Well, how about we try? We can work through your problems together. And we can do so somewhere quiet if you want. At the very least, will you come with me and relax a little bit? I will get one of the big guys to take your place, if you wish.”
Litvir’s offer seemed to help Arkay’s current mood. With a frown, Arkay landed back on the ground, then dismissed his gunstaff.
“Fine. Let someone else take over.”
Litvir nodded, then telepathically asked Elkay to come out and take Arkay’s place. However, Arkay seemed a bit dazed, and instead of walking back to his room, he floated over to the Lost Garden, a small, shaded area where those the Thantir couldn’t save were laid to rest. As Litvir followed Arkay, he suddenly remembered that he and Retvik had made a grave for Arkay at least half a year-string ago, and they’d never had it moved.
It turned out though that Arkay was already aware that he had a grave. He understood that, at the time, him returning to the Periuniversal Void seemed like an impossibility. It nearly was impossible, and Arkay was aware that him making it back here was a fluke more than anything else.
Litvir watched Arkay shuffle about. Weirdly, rather than sitting on a nearby bench, Arkay decided to just lay on his own grave and stare blankly into the sky.
“Dear, I am very concerned about you right now!” Litvir wasn’t quite sure what tone to take. “Please, Arkay, tell me what is bothering you. Have Retvik and I done something wrong? Have we hurt you?”
Arkay shook his head, but remained lying down. “No. You two are fine. Everyone is fine. It’s me who’s the problem. I just feel like… like nothing is right.”
“Everything is wrong? Do you need help breaking it all down so we can make things right?”
“M-maybe…”
Arkay started rubbing his eyes, then fell silent and stared upwards, into the permanently dark sky. After a moment of thought, Litvir laid down next to him.
“You do not want to go to sleep.”
“Yeah.”
“How comes?” Litvir could have used his telepathy, but he often found that second-guessing what the problem was, or just going in and having a look himself, it made people uneasy.
“It’s… it’s a really stupid thing…” Arkay muttered. “Frankly, I’ve been a massive asshole the last few days, over something I don’t even understand.”
“You have not been an asshole. You have been vacant. There is something bothering you so much that you are isolating yourself and not at all sleeping. But we are all here to help.”
Arkay went back to sighing. “It’s fucking stupid.”
“I do not know if your reasons are stupid unless you tell me. Or I could just use my telepathy, but I think that would make you feel worse.”
“You’d think that I’m stupid.”
“You are not stupid. And even if you were, we still love you.”
All of a sudden, Arkay caved in, and decided to speak. But not before letting a few black, inky tears drip down his face.
“I’m scared. I’m scared that none of this is real. I’m terrified that I’ll go to sleep and wake up, but I won’t be here, I’ll be trapped again. Either in the darkness of Corruption or within Kinisis’s grip. So much awful stuff has happened to me that, when things go right, I wonder if I am just imagining things.”
Litvir didn’t respond at first. “I… suppose things have been a little… insane… But at the same time, sure, you are a former deity, but I do not think you would have just dreamed up everything that has happened as of late. There are far too many moving parts and different experiences for one mind to conjure on its own.”
“I… don’t follow.”
“If you are imagining all of this, you imagined multiple timelines and locations all at the same time. Do you really think you made up both your formerly mortal friends AND everything that has happened to me and Retvik AND all the things that happened in between? Did you really invent all the different Teekays? Or when we blew up that Voidborn mothership? All while imagining your own existence too?”
Arkay shrugged. “I’m stupidly powerful. On the same level as a Life Goddess or a Voidborn. I could probably imagine all that. I sometimes feel like I am back in that damn alley, slowly dying from my wounds, and I’ve created various hells as I slip away.”
Litvir frowned, then tutted. “I will be blunt, that is very selfish and egotistical of you. Not like you at all. Also, you are dismissing pretty much everyone here. We all lived our lives as well, we have all experienced existence, together and separately. But, most importantly, you are missing one key thing.”
“What?”
“You are literally lying on your grave right now. A grave that was made because Retvik and I believed you were gone forever, and we wanted to put you to rest. Do you still think that none of this is real?”
Arkay immediately paused and fell silent. After an awkward silence, Arkay sat up straight and put his head in his hands, letting the tears flow.
“I am so fucking stupid…”
Litvir sat up as well, and put an arm around Arkay.
“It is fine. We all have stupid moments.”
“I was insanely stupid. I don’t deserve you lot.”
“I just said, it is fine. And you do deserve us. You are just having a bad time right now!” Litvir climbed to his feet, then lifted Arkay up too. “Come along now. Come with me and get some food, then head to Retvik’s room so you can snuggle with him. Alright?”
Arkay wiped tears from his eyes. “Alright… I’m sorry… I’m sorry for acting like a complete asshole. And I’m sorry for… well, everything…”
“I know you are, dear. We all have bad days and bad thoughts. We just need to make sure the badness does not take us over.” Litvir hugged Arkay tightly, then held his hand. “Do not fret. We forgive you. You are safe now.”
With a little sigh and a bit of a yawn, Arkay relented, and let Litvir take him away.
“Thank you.”
“No worries, my darling.”