A Sexy Apology

Much to Arkadin’s surprise, there was a polite knock on the door. Normally the Allbirther would break down anything impeding entrance to any of Arkadin’s abodes, but today, she was calmly knocking and waiting. At first, Arkadin considered that Yisini’s patience was some sort of trap. After ten minutes of standing around though, Yisini was still there and Arkadin decided that maybe it wasn’t a trick, for once.

“What are you doing here?” the Thantophor asked as he cautiously opened the door, just a crack. Yisini pretended to not notice and was instead looking at the permanently black sky.

“Oh! Arky! I wanted to say hi to you and apologise!”

“A-a-apologise?” Arkadin stammered, not sure what else to say. Maybe that was why Yisini had come here with actual clothes on, covering her private parts. She was still an  intentionally sexy snake-like deity, but the hint of modesty was… so strange that it was alarming.

“Yes! May I come in?”

Arkadin hesitated, then moved away from the door, allowing the Allbirther inside. Yisini carefully closed the door behind her, then inspected the Thantophor’s home. Like his many previous abodes, the house was tidy but slightly dusty. What was different was just how tiny this home was, a single room with a bathroom in the closet and everything stuffed in cupboards or boxes. There was no sofa or true living space, just a tiny kitchen, a bed and a tinier dining table with four chairs tucked in around it.

Looking around, Yisini could tell that her fellow deity was not doing well. While the other gods all lived in luxurious palaces, the Lord of Decay was basically living in a hovel.

“Are you okay, Arky?”

“Not really, no. Why are you here, really?”

Yisini pulled out a chair and sat down. “I wanted to apologise. I shouldn’t have trapped you in that room with me and Kairos. That was wrong of me. But… seeing how you’re currently living, I think we need to have a talk about you.”

“I don’t want to talk.”

“I think you do. There’s things on your mind that you can’t say because you think they’re embarrassing. But I’m the Queen of Embarrassment and I’m sure whatever’s on your mind isn’t nearly as bad as you think it is.”

Arkadin sighed and sat down opposite Yisini. He toyed with his fingers briefly, then sighed again. Yisini found it impressive just how small and mortal Arkain seemed sometimes.

“I feel like a fool. You’re all out there being normal and adult-y and calm and I spend most of my time avoiding others and thinking about sex. All these strange feelings have built up over the last few decades and are now repeatedly punching me in the face.”

Yisini smiled. “Everyone thinks about sex. It’s fine to think about sex. That’s what drives the universe. That and starlight.”

“Yeah but I’m sitting here thinking of two extremes. I’m either thinking about how horrible sex might be or I’m thinking about getting…” Arkadin trailed off, his black skin hiding the fact that he was blushing.

“You can tell me.”

“I can’t. It’s embarrassing. I can’t even bring myself to… do things… on my own.”

“You want to have sex. That’s normal. You’ve gone two billion years around it. And that’s ignoring the other 11 billion years where you weren’t properly sentient!” Yisini put her hands on the table on top of Arkadin’s. “What you are feeling is perfectly normal.”

“It’s not normal to want to be gently fucked by something with a…” Again, Arkadin trailed off, falling silent completely. He pulled his hands from Yisini and got up from the table completely. “Please… don’t… don’t tell anyone…”

“There’s nothing wrong with liking both.”

“I shouldn’t want sex at all! I’m the death god! It’s the opposite of literally everything I stand for!”

Yisini shrugged. “If that was the case, Kinisis wouldn’t have given you those feelings to begin with. She made you to be the best death god possible. If she’d wanted a mindless death beast, she’d have done that already.”

Arkadin sat back down, obviously frustrated. “It’s… it’s still not… right…”

Yisini leaned forward, smiling more than ever. “Let’s put things another way. I am the Goddess of Love, Sex and Pleasure. I am the highest authority when it comes to love. And I am telling you directly that it is perfectly fine for you to have sex in whatever way you want.”

“… Really?” Arkadin squirmed slightly.

“Yes. You have my full permission to do whatever it is that rocks your cock or flicks your clit or whatever other genitalia you have down there.” Yisini got up from her chair, patting Arkadin on the shoulder as she did so. “You should get laid. You’ll feel better. Trust me, I think you’ll like it. Anyway, I’d better be going, Kairos and I have plans for  tonight! Sorry about messing you around yesterday. Won’t do it again!”

The Allbirther smiled once more, then headed to the door. “Oh, one last thing. If you’re going to invite someone round for sex, I’d get a bigger place.”

Arkadin blinked, unsure what to do. After a few deep breaths, Arkadin sighed, then decided to go to bed.