“What the fuck do you mean, you two are in charge of us?”
Fragiir didn’t mean to sound so pissed off, but the sentence he had just heard made no sense.
“Elkay and I will be training you six up and guiding you all into becoming Decay Lords!” Teekay smiled.
“YOU are leading us?” Lissandra hissed. “You’re a little bitch!”
“So says the Decayling!” Teekay continued to smile. “Right now, you lot are the lowest members of the Thantir, and Elkay and I are technically senior members now. When we were Decaylings, we had the best scores, the best practicals and the best test results, AND we are former bitches to Life Goddesses so the upper ups have decided that Elkay and I are perfect for getting you lot through a Decay Lord Trial. Right, Elkay?”
“Correct,” Elkay growled. “Also, do not call my husband a bitch. As of right now, we are your tutors and teachers and you will treat us with respect.”
“And why the fuck should we?” Lissandra kept on hissing. “You in particular, Elkay! When we were all Divine Guardians, you were a complete bitch, more so than Teekay! And it was Phovos who was in charge of all of us!”
“Phovos didn’t want to deal with you assholes!” Teekay smiled some more. “She’s got better things to do than wrangle a bunch of babies, watch them do exams and make sure they don’t get themselves killed. And in all honesty? Elkay and I also have better things to do, but Tahvra and Akah are busy helping your former master, Tenuk is busy being a dad and Elksia is 10 billion times more important than all of you combined. But because I’m a good person, I offered my expertise because I wanted to help you all, despite Elkay’s suggestions otherwise, and then dragged Elkay in anyway because then we get to spend time together while keeping an eye on you all and making sure you don’t die.”
“… Die?” Vokulunaax asked hesitantly.
Teekay nodded. He was also still smiling. “Decay Lord Trials can be deadly. Me and my team? We had to fight an endless horde of Corruption that didn’t stop until we made a sun collapse on top of a corrupted Life Goddess. If anything, you guys are going to get it easier because our buddy Arkay has had chats with Deathven and made sure that all future Decay Lord Trials are simpler and safer now. And since Tahvra, Elkay and I did most of the brain work for our trial, I have suggested that Elkay and I help out. Even if Elkay is unsure.”
“Hang on…” Kayenus had picked something else up from Teekay’s ramblings. Being an old-universe Athrevok and not a particularly slow one, he noticed things in different orders of importance compared to everyone else. “Does… does Mister Elkay not want to teach us?”
“Not really…” was Elkay’s annoyingly vague and brief response.
“But why?” Kayenus was confused. “Mrs Teekay wants to teach us.”
“Ahem!” Teekay interrupted. “It’s Mister Teekay and Mrs Elkay. I’m the husband. Elkay is the wife.”
“Oh. But… But Mrs Elkay does not want to help?”
“I am only assisting Teekay because he asked me to. I am well aware that four of the six of you do not like me in the slightest.”
“Because you are even more of a bitch than Phovos is!” Lissandra spat. “You buggered off to help the little guys while we did all the work on the oasis, and you got to bitch around out here as a Decay Lord while we were busy doing the work of protecting those stupid chains in the bitch Epani’s universe and while we served Sini! You’re literally the reason Kinisis is dead!”
“Oh come on!” Vexer suddenly jumped in to defend Elkay. “I CHOSE to swap with Rel… uh… Elkay because SOMEONE needed to protect the brainy guys and Kinisis’s bloody body double and I’d rather Elkay did that than me! Plus, the reason why Kinisis got killed is because we let Epani leave the universe and that Litvir guy let Epani into Kinisis’s oasis without scanning her mind first. Because, let’s be frank, why would anyone think Epani would flat out slice Kinisis’s head off?”
“Well, there’s literal fucktons of reasons why someone would want to kill Kinisis…” Teekay’s smile faded. “I mean, for starters, she enslaved all of us, tricked us and experimented on us, and Kinisis literally destroyed Elkay’s identity and turned the nicest Rethan ever physically into a permanently shifting mess. And the real reason why Kinisis is dead is because Arkay killed her. Elkay was just as responsible for Kinisis’s death as you all were. Less so in fact, since Elkay was off duty and asleep when the piss hit the fan. Anyway, are you all done bitching now?”
“No!” Lissandra shouted, only for Atteh’Kus to push the snake over. “What the fuck was that for?”
“You are being, as you often say, a bitch…” Atteh’Kus grunted. “Elkay is a good person. He helped me when I was hurt. Teekay is a good person. He, Tahvra and Tenuk warned Kinisis. They guided us when we were dumber. They are Decay Lords and will help us become Decay Lords.”
“Yep!” Vexer agreed. “The big guy’s right. These guys know what’s up. Lissandra, you need to stop being a bitch because you lost your cushy job. If anything, being a bitch to Elkay and Teekay is just going to stop you from getting that future cushy basic universal income that you wanted so bad in the first place!” With a smile, Vexer turned to Elkay and Teekay. “Anyway, I want to get on with things as soon as possible and also get my hands on some dosh and better rights as a not-slave. Where do we begin?”
“With some code names!” Teekay grinned.
“Code names?” Vokulunaax blinked in confusion.
“Yep. While Litvir got you all confirmed as no longer Divine Guardians, he neglected to give you all code names. And you can’t be a Decay Lord without a code name. So Elkay and I, (mostly Elkay, because he has the worst codename of all us) are going to help come up with some decent code names for you, and then we’ll start going through some of the technical stuff. Alright?”
“Am I allowed to complain?” Lissandra asked.
“No.”
Fragiir patted Lissandra on the shoulder. “We should agree with Vexer and Atteh’Kus and just get on with things. Like Vexer said, the faster, the better.”
“Alright… fine…” Lissandra finally resented. “You’re all bitches though.”
“That is hypocritical, coming from you!” Elkay growled somewhat menacingly. “Come on now. Let us get started.”