“Well, you’re fucked.”
Panos rolled his eyes. “That’s a very crude way of putting it.”
Aesop leaned on the desk of the Prime Minister, standing over Panos. Ever since he’d become a deity, despite being above middle-aged, Aesop had become rather muscular and, incredibly physically powerful, to the point that he looked intimidating and had been forced to buy new shirts.
“Well, it’s true. You’re fucked.”
“You really can’t help me find a way out of this mess?”
Aesop leaned forward some more, snarling. “Panos, you went on a minute-long rant at how you think one of the most popular High Generals in history is weak and pathetic because they don’t bend the knee to us like the last High General did, while also blatantly mis-gendering their sibling again and suggesting that General Rethais is so weak, you could beat them in a fight. You’re fucking lucky General Rethais, who, I ought to point out, is a General and leads a unit of over 200 Rethans, and is literally considered Rethan perfection, didn’t immediately attack you.”
Panos again rolled his eyes. “He’s weak, that’s why.”
“No, that’s not weakness, that’s restraint. Rethans are fucking terrifying when they’re enraged. I’ve SEEN Defensive Stance Rethans up close, they will tear through pretty much anything. And angry Rethans are just as bad. Like, Rethais could have genuinely harmed you, and chose not to. Flip things around, if Rethais had insulted you like that, how would you have reacted?”
“Not diplomatically.”
“Exactly!”
Aesop sighed, then trailed off, thinking to himself. Panos stared at him, waiting for him to speak again.
“So, how do we get out of this mess?”
“What do you mean, “we”? This is your mess.”
“You’re here, helping me.”
“Only because Aster and Kohra asked me to. You don’t think the Lanex and Spasts aren’t aware of what happened? Of course they are. The Spasts are still trying to find info, and the Lanex are the Rethans’ closest allies. When I heard what you said, I was honestly going to just leave you to deal with it, but Aster’s the god of diplomacy and shit like that, and he recommended I speak to you.”
Panos blinked. “You were… not going to help me?”
“I was considering it. You fucked up. You need to face the consequences of your actions. And I’m well aware that you’re never going to do what I think you need to do to solve this problem you created peacefully.”
“Are you… suggesting that I actually fight General Rethais?”
“You were the person who suggested it in the first place!” Aesop snapped. “You’re the person who poked a sleeping crocodile! Rethais isn’t even that dangerous in the grand scheme of things, they are not interested in expansion or war or revenge or anything like that, they only care about bettering the life of the average Rethan. In fact, Rethais has put up with ALL the bullshit we’ve thrown at them. They SHOULD have declared war on us, after the fuck up with those cloned Psionic Rethans last year but they didn’t. But you keep on provoking them, and one of these days, you’re going to provoke them properly and they’re going to retaliate!”
“Rethais retaliated this time.”
“You directly challenged them to battle!” Aesop’s temper was rising. “You literally called them a weakling in front of their own soldiers. You are fucking lucky that Rethais didn’t take up that challenge of yours right there and then!”
Panos sighed. “I get it, I get it. So how do I fix this?”
Aesop grunted, then sat on the desk. “You won’t like what I’m going to say.”
“I’m not going to like any of this. So just fucking tell me.”
“Alright. Basically, you have two options. And I know you’re not going to choose the first one.”
Panos eyed Aesop. Aesop ignored him.
“Your first option is a public apology and a large gift of some sort. You meet Rethais in a nice place, you invite some of the people who were present when you insulted Rethais, then you tell them you are sorry and you polish their balls a little, saying that they’re actually a great person and all that.”
“I am not polishing their balls. The bastards don’t even HAVE balls. I’m not going to stand there and say nice things about the person I fucking hate.”
Aesop tutted, then shrugged. “Well, then, your only option is to not back down from your challenge and fight Rethais. But because you challenged them, you handed Rethais all the options. They get to decide the type of fight and where the fight will be. Your only choice here is to pick a date that suits you, but even then, you can’t even delay that too much, because Rethais will get suspicious.”
“Can I get someone to fight for me?” Panos paused, then smiled. “You could fight for me. As the highest representative of the Torr, and our deity.”
“Yeah, no. No fucking way.”
Panos crossed his arms in annoyance. “Why the fuck not?”
“Because if you nominate me to fight in your place, then Rethais will nominate Litvir to fight in their place. And I am NOT fighting Litvir. Sure, I’m strong, but Litvir spends their days beating up 5m tall monsters from outside the fucking universe. And also, Litvir has already taken a bullet for Rethais, Litvir has a greater interest in protecting Rethais than I do in protecting you. That’s a fight I’m guaranteed not to win.
On the flip side, there’s a chance you could beat Rethais. Not a great chance, but it is theoretically possible. After all, I don’t actually know how much hand to hand combat Rethais is. The problem is, Rethais is literally the little sibling of the unbeaten Triumphant Champion, the fucking Lightbearer, so they… they will probably hit like a truck. But they might lack the speed and skill the Lightbearer had.”
Panos took a long, deep breath. “Ugh. I… I hate this. But… if I do some training with a suit… there’s a chance?”
“I guess.”
“And I have no other options?”
“Nope.”
“Ugh. Fine. Guess I’ll set a date and start training…”