Timik growled as he dumped the huge pile of chocolates, flowers, exotic furs and sex toys on the table.
“What the fuck is going on!”
“I don’t know…” Kohra tutted. “But did you really have to drop all that on our game of Ones?”
“Well where else was I gonna put all this shit?” Timik roared. “For days I’ve been flooded with all these stupid bribes and ‘gifts’ and things like that! It’s pissing me off! I can’t escape!”
Phovos awkwardly prodded one of the boxes, only for some of it to collapse in her lap. “Who is sending you this stuff?”
“Take a guess!” Timik snapped. “You all get to hang out with the nice gods, I get to deal with the fucking lunatic who tried to murder us!”
“They’re only trying to get with us because of a bet they all made…” Kohra sighed as he watched Phovos push everything off the table in disgust. A large sex toy had fallen into her lap and made her obviously nervous. “Apparently Yisini bet that the other gods wouldn’t be able to get dates with mortals, and because Phovos and Kairos are now a thing…”
“We’re not a thing…”
“Yes you are!” Kohra tutted, before continuing. “Because of them, we ended up being the targets of the bet. Which sort of makes sense because we’re part of a very small group of beings who are vaguely comfortable in the presence of gods.”
Timik started picking stuff up off the floor and putting it back on the table. “But why is this happening? What the fuck am I going to do with all of this! I’m an ison male, why am I being given female toys?”
Kohra shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“Do you guys want any of this?” Timik sighed, giving up. “What am I going to do with a pile of fake cocks and vaginas anyway… I can get laid whenever I want, I don’t need this crap. Phovos, you look like you don’t have enough sex, you want any of it?”
Phovos’s eyes widened in embarrassment. “Uh, no, I really don’t want any of that stuff…”
“But you’re a virgin. It’ll help…” Timik insisted.
“That’s none of your business…” Phovos muttered. She hated the fact that most Temthaic and Thanatophoric beings could immediately smell one’s sexual state. “I don’t want any of it… I’m not planning on it any time soon anyway…”
Kayen opened his mouth to speak, then changed his mind.
“You were going to say something about my age, weren’t you?” Phovos roared, pushing her chair away as she stood up. “You’re all judging me because I don’t want it! You don’t understand! It’s all about being controlled and I don’t want to be controlled!”
“Actually…” Kayen found himself trembling ever so slightly. All three of them knew that Phovos was a dangerous being when enraged. “I was… going to say that Arkadin is… well, he’s a virgin too. A virgin as old as this universe.”
“And is that a bad thing?” Phovos continued to growl and snarl. “It’s my body, it’s MY choice!”
“Maybe you should swap dates with Kayen then because the Whenvern totally wants to lay with you. Why else would the Whenvern take the form of a horny Thraki?” Timik grunted.
“Nah, I’m going to find a way to convince Arkadin to at least try cuddling…” Kayen smiled as he picked up a couple of boxes. “Actually, some of this stuff might be useful… Especially the chocolate…”
Kohra pulled at face at one of the boxes Kayen picked up. “That one’s meant for females.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“Arkadin’s male.”
“Arkadin spends most of his time as a Skyavok. And we’re intersex beings.”
Timik shrugged. “He does seem more male-leaning though.”
“Doesn’t mean that’s what he wants in bed!” Kayen smiled. “Plus, chocolate is always a good gift. I can have the chocolate, right?”
“Take whatever the fuck you want!” Timik sighed, pushing the table’s content towards Kayen. “I’m not accepting any of this stuff though. The Allbirther can take these bribes and shove them up her many vaginas, for all I care!”