Dating Ideas

“I’m thinking about dating again.”

Arkadin looked up from his work. He was in the middle of cleaning up a plague-ridden country, spreading bacteria that specialised in decomposing both corpses and the plague itself. An ugly, smelly job, but also pretty calm and quiet.

Except when other gods interrupted him, which they seemed to do quite regularly.

“Dating? What?” Arkadin was confused. He turned to see who was talking to him. When he finally spotted Kinisis, sitting daintily on a dark storm cloud, he rolled his eyes. “Why are you talking to me about this?”

Kinisis shrugged, clawing her fingers through the clouds and making pretty patterns in the rain. A sudden drop in temperature meant that the rain was quickly turning into hail, as Arkadin intended. The rain and hail combined would speed up the decomposition.

“I dunno, kiddo. I feel like you’re the best person to talk to.”

“You think the Thantophor, the Lord of Decay, is the best person to talk to when it comes to dating?”

Arkadin went back to his work. The rain caused a river to burst its banks, sending a wave of flood water towards the city. The Thantophor considered this a good thing. Food for the fishes. Faster decay. The faster everything decayed, the faster something new could grow here. Hopefully something resistant to plague.

Kinisis continued to play with the clouds, turning some of the rain and hail into snow. This annoyed Arkadin so he changed it back. The weather was too warm for snow anyway.

“Well you’re a better choice than the others. Also, “Lord of Decay”? Why not “Lord of Death” since that’s what you really are?”

“Same thing!” Arkadin tutted. “But anyway, why not take this to Kairos, who can peer into the future with his control over time? Why not talk to Epani, the space goddess who lights the skies with romantic stars? Why not talk to Yisini, the fucking Goddess of Life?”

“Maybe I wanted to talk to you?” Kinisis sighed. “Maybe I value your opinion as a calm, logical being? Besides, I know exactly what your fellow deities will say. Kairos and Epani will say no, Yisini will say “yes, also fuck anything that moves”, which is what she always says.”

Arkadin sighed. “Can you guess what I’m going to say?”

“I was kinda hoping you’d say it’s a good idea.”

“No. It’s not a good idea. You’ve been literally separated from Kenon for four days. You’re still in shock over what happened and are in no position to start looking at dating…” The Thantophor paused. “And anyway, where the fuck are you going to find a new partner anyway? You always told us to not date mortals, are you going to do that?”

“Of course not!” Kinisis leaped off her cloud and landed in front of Arkadin, waggling her finger at him. “I’ll find another Voidborn! They’re ten a penny outside the universe, you know! As common as grains of sand on a towel after a trip to the beach!”

“Yeah, sure, start dating while WEARING KENON IN A BOTTLE AROUND YOUR NECK!” Arkadin didn’t want to shout, but sometimes it was the only way to get through to, well, anyone.

Kinisis glanced down at her chest, then hummed to herself, before turning back to Arkadin. “Oh, I gave the bottle to Yisini to look after.”


“I gave it to Yisini.”

“Did you tell her not to open it?”

“Uh, no, but she’s smart, she’ll know not to open it.”

Arkadin closed his eyes, growling lightly. “I doubt it…”

“So…” Kinisis continued, completely ignoring Arkadin. “Kenon is out of the way. I’m lonely and want a friend. 50% of my little gods want me to start-”

“Hang on! I just said that you dating again was a bad idea!” Arkadin shouted, getting more and more annoyed at the situation. “I literally just said that you’re not in the right frame of mind to go dating!”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re not! At least give it a few weeks or something!”

“I’m fine!” Kinisis continued to ignore Arkadin. “In fact, I think I might go consider my options on my own right now!”

The Allmaker flicked her fingers around, forming a pink and purple cloud, into which she leaped into. When the cloud finally dispersed, she was gone.

Arkadin rolled his eyes, then went back to work. “I don’t know why I bother…”