“Everyone thinks I’m the bad guy. And you know what? They’re right. I AM a bad guy. I’m the bastard who takes away their brothers and sisters and mothers and fathers. I’m a massive douche. On their deathbed they get all angry at me, asking why they can’t have a few more minutes, why do they have to go now and not later? Why can’t I just bugger off and let everyone be immortal?
“Immortality isn’t part of my jurisdiction.
“Seriously, I have nothing to do with it.
“I just make sure things die and decompose. When folks call me the god of death, they’re totally right, I deal with dead stuff. Not living stuff. I’m there to make sure that you stop breathing and things start decomposing. I’m like that with everything.
“Like, I’m not even a real thing, really. I’m the conclusion, the result of Time constantly trotting forward. Everything has an end. But I’m kinda a little bit more than that. Like, see that sandwich? If you eat it, you get energy from it. But there’s always some waste because no fuel is 100% efficient. There’s always some waste. There’s always some entropy. That’s what I am.
“So basically… I basically just called myself shit. The leftover bits that no one really wants.
“But if you want to be able to eat meat, then you need to be able to kill and digest things. There’s no way around that. That is how you all evolved, that’s how the Allbirther pushed you. Living things need sustenance but there’s no perfect converter. Some of that energy drifts off, unused. Becoming part of the eternal gradient downwards.
“Because that’s another thing. That’s what Entropy really is, the slow, gradual rise and fall of everything, until all energy is reduced to nothing but basic heat. Heat death. It’s how most universes die in the end. Running out of resources. Running out of change.
“Hmph.
“Really though, that’s far off. No one cares about that yet. No one apart from maybe Mum. That’s how she ends. But that will take trillions of years. Everyone else is worrying about the here and now, wondering if they will see another sunrise.
“Most of the time they do.
“Let’s be real though, I’m not the CAUSE of their deaths. Most of the time. Okay I can take life as I please, but a lot of it isn’t me. I’m not making beings get blind drunk or high on drugs and causing overdoses. I’m not the one who personally murders out of spite, anger or even the thrill of it. I don’t have anything at all to do with diseases and illnesses and organ failures. That’s all on Yisini.
“Seriously she’s the person who makes viruses and diseases and stuff! Not me!
“And as for wars? That’s all on mortals. I do my best to keep out of that stuff. I don’t like wars. I don’t like battles and I don’t like pain and suffering. At the end of the day, the ONLY winner in a war is me, as I clean up all the bodies and give the resources back to Yisini to create new life.
“But no. Everything is my fault…”
Arkadin finished his drink, then sighed. Krendoviing, the draconic keeper of the Cafe of the Gods, quickly poured him another.
“I, uh… didn’t ask for another…”
The Barkeeper nodded. “I know. But you look like you need another. You look like you are here for a reason.”
“Thanks mate…” Arkadin muttered, sipping his drink. “I just wanted to be somewhere… where I could be myself…”
Krendoviing filled Arkadin’s glass, then peered over the counter. Sprawled all over the room were bits of black, wispy bits of limb and tail.
“Did you have a fight with Kinisis again?”
“Yep.”
“I take it you lost.”
“Yep.”
“Would you like something stronger to drink?”
“Yes please…”