“So, how are you doing?” Dalosisaar asked as Kohra and Litvir both sat down.
Kohra shrugged. “I’m honestly fine. Just finished a university project, and I finished it early, so I have some extra free time.”
“Ah, good. Litvir, how are you doing? Elkay informed me that you were upset yesterday.”
Litvir squirmed nervously. “Was… nothing. Just me being stupid baby again.”
“Elkay didn’t tell me why you went to him, but he implied it was medical.”
“Was nothing. I am stupid and do not know how my body works.”
“Are you sure?” Dalosisaar pressed on. “If you’re ill, Syksis is always around to help you.”
“Not ill. Just stupid.”
Kohra glanced at Litvir, and Dalosisaar turned to Litvir properly.
“You really need to stop calling yourself stupid!” Kohra exclaimed. “You’re not stupid!”
“I am…”
Dalosisaar gestured at the small yellow belt Litvir was wearing. “You’re the top of your class. If you were as stupid as you claim, you wouldn’t have that little medallion.”
Litvir sighed, but didn’t say anything. Dalosisaar wrote something down on his (admittedly massive) notepad, then sighed.
“Litvir, is something wrong?”
“I… I do not know…” Litvir sighed. “I… I dislike being here. Feels bad that I will always be here. Maybe I am not stupid baby, but I am still baby. This holiday you gave me, it makes me sad.”
“Why does it make you sad?”
Litvir glanced at Kohra. “Kyr Kohra is not a baby, but they… he is small. But he was also alive before this stuff. He got to be a kid. I feel like… like I am doing all this normal kid stuff super fast. So I go back to being a god very quickly. And after I finish school? I will still be a stupid baby, but also a stupid adult with one stupid job.”
“Your job isn’t stupid, Litvir. You are a hard worker, you do your job as the God of Protection very well. When you aren’t on holiday, of course.”
“I guess. I am good at my job. And I do like it. I am happy when I have something to protect. I like school as well. But I never have enough time.”
“You will have more time when you finish school.”
Litvir sighed, then looked down, at their feet. “Yes, but after that, I will be a hard worker forever… I… I… I want to be a real baby. And I want to grow up like a normal kid. But we all know that time does not go backwards. And everyone has all these expectations of me. I cannot be a real baby, ever.”
Kohra glanced back at Litvir, then scooted his chair over, so he could hold Litvir’s hand.
“I know how you feel, Litvir. Sure I got to be a little baby for a bit, but I’m stuck as a child forever too.”
Litvir continued to stare at the ground, but didn’t say anything at first. They wiped a tear from their eye, then sighed some more. “I do not like being alive. I do not understand it. Sometimes I want to not be a real baby, but to be an egg. Where there is nothing but darkness. I have experienced real life too fast and do not really like what I have experienced so far. And big scary Epani will make it that I will live forever. Even if I do not want to.”
Dalosisaar thought for a moment. “Can I ask you a new, rather personal question, Litvir?”
“Yes.”
“Do you want to die?”
Litvir remained silent for a bit. Eventually, they looked up, back at Dalosisaar. “No. Not dead. Just not alive.”
“Do you want to be made into an actual baby?”
“I… I do not know. Maybe growing up as a real baby might be as bad as what is happening now. But slower. More time to become disillusioned with reality. And I would have the same problems. Because big scary Epani made me in a lab with the giant snake.”
Dalosisaar paused. “Hang on, you know who Sini is?”
“Is that the snake’s name?”
“Yes. She worked with Epani to make you, but you would have been not even an egg at the time.”
“I was never an egg. I was in a jar. Then in a bigger jar. Then in the glass thing where I met Kyr Elkay and bonded to them, thinking they were my mother.”
“Oh… That’s why Elkay gets so annoyed with you sometimes…” Kohra muttered.
“I forget to not call Kyr Elkay mama a lot. I do not mean it. It is another thing that bothers me. Having no real family like other Rethans do. It is… all so strange… I feel like a stupid baby anywhere I go, because, in my head, I am a stupid baby. Stupid baby with somewhat adopted parents that I see for a few hours then have to wait a long time to see again. I feel that all these things, all this existing and being alive, it is too much for me.”
Dalosisaar looked Litvir up and down, then turned to Kohra.
“Kohra, do you mind giving me and Litvir some privacy?”
Kohra climbed off his chair. “Yeah, sure. Do you want me to come back?”
“No, we’re good. I just want to talk to Litvir quickly.”
“Sure thing. See you later, guys!”
Dalosisaar waited until the door was closed, then leaned forward somewhat.
“I can understand where you are coming from, Litvir. Epani and Kairos have given you a lot of responsibility. You’ve been struggling the entire time you’ve been alive. And I can see that this holiday of yours, it has only helped a little, because you now know what you’ve been missing out on. Am I right?”
Litvir nodded.
“Do you like real life, outside of your godly duties?”
“Somewhat. I am still ugly and weird, compared to others. But I have done some things that have been nice.”
“Okay…” Dalosisaar lowered his voice. “I want you to think about something. You still have a few days left of your holiday. During this time, have a think about how you live. While I don’t have the power or authority to turn you into a genuine child, so you can grow up normally, I can make recommendations to Epani and Kairos. I can ask them to give you time off until you finish school. But I can also ask them to take away your divinity, so you don’t have to be a god any more. We’ll find some other Rethan for Epani to deify.
“So I want you to think about that. Do you want to stay as a deity, or do you want to remain as a mortal? It’s a very hard question, but you are the only person who can answer it. And at the end of your holiday, you can make a final decision. Do you understand?”
“I… I do…”
“Alright. In the mean time, is there anything you need?”
“I… I do not think so…”
“Good. Go and get some rest, then enjoy the rest of your holiday. We’ll come back to this next week.”
Litvir got up and bowed. “Thank you, Kyr Dalosisaar.”
“No worries, little one. I’ll see you soon. Have a nice few days off, alright?”
“I will try…” Litvir sighed as they made their way to the exit. “Goodbye.”