“I am not sure I fully understood what you just said…” Litvir rubbed his eyes as he went through a list of things with Teekay, Elkay, Eksi and Elksia. “You… want me to spend the hour before the ceremony drinking alcohol?”
Teekay and Eksi nodded enthusiastically. Elkay nodded as well but without nearly as much excitement.
“You do realize, I have a low tolerance when it comes to alcohol, and I will be utterly plastered before one of the most important moments of your lives?”
Teekay nodded some more. Eksi also nodded.
“And you expect me to be able to put your partnership necklaces on while completely drunk?”
Teekay and Eksi continued to nod. Elkay stopped nodding and turned to Teekay.
“Why does the Voidpriest in a Skyan wedding ceremony have to be drunk again?” Elkay asked. “Most of these traditions make some sense in, well, a traditional way, but Litvir can be a bit clumsy even when sober, and he brings up a good point.”
“According to Tee-Eness, the first Voidpriest, being drunk hides you from the watchful gaze of the Void Lord!” Teekay explained. “You marry outside of his jurisdiction. The Void Lord protects… protected us, but he was also a massive killjoy, so tradition is that you do all the fun things out of his sight. Which is why we don’t do harder drugs or have sex outdoors.”
Litvir eyed Teekay. “And you… you used to follow this strange religion?”
“Well, I didn’t. I worshipped the Thantophor. Small ashen sacrifices every Friday, a prayer before bed. Similar to what Banikans did. Until he told me not to.”
“And what about you, Eksi?”
Eksi shrugged. “I was a pretty standard believer up until Psiksi joined the Dessaron. Then I stopped believing completely when I met Kohra, Timik and that adorable Kayen guy from the Aofor…” Eksi paused, then turned to Elkay. “You were in a Dessaron-Lite group, did you and Tenuk’s other brother Levik ever come up with a name for your team?”
It was Elkay’s turn to awkwardly eye a Skyavok. “No.”
“Why not? You were friends with a fricking Banikan and… Tahvra.”
Elkay stopped eyeing Eksi and blinked. “What? No, that is silly. I met Tahvra when we became Divine Guardians.”
“But… there was a Vohra with you! The giant female Banikan; Levik, who was shapeshifted into a Vahrga, and a Vohra!”
“That… that was not Tahvra. I did not know Tahvra until we were deified. The Vohra was a Vahla, a Kalsa Guardian and a security expert by the name of Talok.”
Eksi blinked back at Elkay. “You know what? I should have used my bullshit knowledge powers and known that already. Especially since I’m pretty sure Kinisis did something to the poor bugger.”
“I would not know…” Elkay frowned. “After all that nonsense, I do not think I spoke to any of them ever again. I fell ill, was saved by Teekay and moved on, and they all did too. I assume the others met the same fate Psiksi, Kohra, Kayen and Timik all did.”
“And Kuta…” Litvir muttered. “Kuta only has vague memories of what they call ‘The Before’ and that is because Kuta was technically a Decayling when they were… caught up in it all…” Litvir sighed and shook his head, turning back to the whole ‘being drunk’ thing. “So, uh, do I have to spend an hour drinking or can I just be somewhat light-headed? Because I am not a good drunk.”
“How comes?” Eksi asked. “You seemed absolutely fine when we played Cards Against Existence together, and you’d been drinking all day. Also, I had no idea that Akah was so savage when it came to that game. And he was sober at the time.”
Teekay tutted, blatantly interrupting. “Ugh, I really, really want to like Cards Against Existence but I hate how I was a card in the Skyavok edition.”
“So was I!” Elksia chirped. “Tenuk, Retvik, Phovos and Arkay were all in it too. And Eksi’s mum. And Elkay.”
“I am in Cards Against Existence?” Elkay asked.
“Yeah. Well, you’re just there as “The High General of the Retha” and “A Very Boring Virgin” but still.”
Elkay wasn’t sure whether to be insulted or laugh at Elksia’s comment, but eventually decided to just move on. “Hm, maybe we will take out the Teekay card and have a large game of Cards Against Existence at the after-party. Might be fun. And if you are worried about drinking alone before the ceremony, Litvir, we can ask Retvik to have a drink with you.”
“Retvik needs to be sober to walk you down the aisle, babe…” Teekay tutted. “But Kaytee can be drunk. I only need one groomsmaid to be sober. Which reminds me, Litvir, when you are drunk, can you stand up straight or will you need a chair?”
“Just how drunk do you need me to be?” Litvir hissed. “Those partnership necklaces, I cannot just slip them over your gigantic, armoured noggins, I have to fiddle around with the clasps!”
“You could just use your almighty telekinesis?” Eksi suggested.
“Ah yes, my telekinesis that is affected by how drunk I am…”
“Eh, you only need to be a bit light-headed!” Teekay smiled. “Drunk enough to fail a sobriety test for drunk driving, but not so drunk that you can’t stand. Question though, did you drink as a mortal?”
Litvir shook his head. “Alcohol was not allowed on the premises of the 11th Legion.”
“Did you ever leave your facilities?” Elkay asked.
“No, of course not. I was a busy General. Almost as busy as you were. But I also made sure to have housing built into the facilities so the 11th Legion did not need to leave, outside of supplies that could not be delivered.”
“And I thought I was strange…” Elkay muttered. “I may have been High General but I at least had my own separate home.”
“Okay! Somewhat related!” Elksia suddenly tweeted. “Why ain’t you doing any Rethan-y stuff?”
“Rethan weddings are boring…” Elkay and Litvir replied in unison.
“Oh. Okay…” Elksia shrugged. “Can I be drunk as the necklace holder person? To keep Litty company?”
Teekay shrugged. “Yeah, sure. You just need to hold the boxes anyway, nothing too fancy. But, like, apart from a quick rundown rehearsal thingy with everyone, I think we finally have everything sorted out!” Teekay rather uncharacteristically started bouncing with excitement. “Elkay, babe, our wedding is finally happening, we’re gonna be married soon!”
“Heh, yes, finally…” Elkay smiled, pulling Teekay close. “It will be wonderful.”
“Oh, definitely!” Elksia squawked. “I can see it! It’ll be the best!”
Elksia’s words made Teekay bounce with even more excitement. “If our resident Time Drake says it’ll be awesome, then it HAS to be awesome! I can’t fucking wait!”