The four individuals all glanced awkwardly at each other as they sat in the small conference hall in a hotel in Hel, Kolasi. None of them wanted to be there. None of them really knew how they got there. Two of them had tried to leave via the door, only to find it locked. Two of them had tried to leave via shadowjumping, but the room was too well-lit to be able to do so. Thankfully, at least, despite everyone present being a different species, they all knew each other and at least got on well.
“So, Uotanaht uot Ipaga, how are things?” Kt’Ara, the leader of the Noeht Seihtuoloka, better known to others as the Banikan Deity Tracking Group, grunted as she glanced at the fanged Rethan who was pacing back and forth.
“Uh, who are you talking to?” Psikay Thesiosis, a former Phantasma and soldier, now running the KD-Sub-Class, doing the Skyavok equivalent of Kt’Ara’s job, asked.
“The Sorofsof!” Kt’Ara smiled weakly.
“Who?” Anthoula, a grumpy, green-furred Ksithan with a snapped right horn and a bite taken out of her ear, growled. Anthoula did the Ksithan version of the Skyavok and the Banikan’s job, and was the newly appointed boss of the Cold Careful Skies Initiative. “You KNOW we can’t speak your stupid backwards language.
Kt’Ara grunted again. “I am talking to Sogitartis Kuta.”
At the mention of their name, Kuta, who ran the Legion of Deitic Affairs, stopped pacing and turned to Kt’Ara, looking very confused. “The Banikan word for General is Soggy Tarts?”
“Ao, somewhat. The… ixel is more closer to Strategist. You are Strategist Kuta of the Eleventh Amgat, ao?”
Kuta frowned, then nodded. “I am, yes.”
“And Uotanaht uot Ipaga too, ao?”
“I do not know what that means.”
“Love of Sotanaht. Love of Thantophor.”
The Rethan frowned some more. “I was unceremoniously abandoned over a month ago. You all have had as much recent contact with Arkay as I have. But I assume that our duties have caused us to… all be teleported here.”
“Sotanaht… Thanatos… Thanto…” Psikay muttered under his breath. “Hang on, is Banikanspeak just… a longer version of Shadowtongue but spoken backwards?”
Being a Banikan, Kt’Ara didn’t really make many noises other than grunts and growls, and she didn’t want to growl and scare everyone, so she grunted yet again. “No.”
“I think it is. You said General Kuta was of the 11th Amgat… I know you mean ‘Legion’, but a Tagma is what we call a ‘unit’ in Shadowtongue.”
“Maybe, but the Shadowtongue word for ‘Rethavok’ is Phosve…” Kuta interjected. “Kt’Ara called me a Sorofsof. That read backwards is Fosforos.”
Kt’Ara nodded. “Ao. The ixel means bringer or bearer of light.”
“You… call us all Lightbearers?” Kuta asked.
Kt’Ara nodded again. This new fact bothered Kuta somewhat, since they were probably one of the darkest Rethans alive, and the name raised very mixed emotions among the Rethavok in general. On the other hand, Anthoula was feeling very out of place because she was the only person present who only seemed to speak one language.
“Actually, I only… uh… sorry…” Kuta quickly shut their mouth, then changed the subject. “So, considering how we are waiting around and the Thantophor is normally somewhat prompt, I assume we were teleported here by a non-Arkay deity?”
“Unfortunately, my darling little Kuta, yes…”
Something massive and purple and slimy filled the room. A vast, serpentine being. Even the normally rather brave Banikan and stoic Rethan failed to hide their unease as this large creature coiled around them.
“Uh… hello, dearest Life Serpent…” Anthoula eventually muttered.
“Hello, babe…” Sini was normally a very perky deity. She’d met three out of four of the beings in this room before, and all three of them noticed that the cheerful personality the Allbirther carried was completely missing today. Her emotions were not being hidden by a friendly aura, they were open and on display. “I… I have some bad news.”
Kuta crossed their arms and tutted. “What has happened to our poor Arkay now?”
Sini stared at Kuta, then sighed. “To cut a long, stupid story short, rather than sitting down with Arkay and discussing her problems with him, Epani decided to force him to cut all communications and connections with mortals. You four already know that. Thing is, I thought this was wrong, and Arkay and I worked together to teach her a lesson. The lesson involved making Epani cut all her communications by locking her temporarily in a box. Except Arkay locked Epani up and was then… stabbed by Kairos, which knocked him into a coma, and we can’t get Epani out of that box because Arkay’s too comatose to let her out. That’s a massive oversimplification of a very complicated, tangled and god-twisted situation, but…”
“Our Sotanaht is in a coma?” Kt’Ara gasped.
“Well, we all saw the Panelix get stabbed and go into a coma when that white corruption prick attacked!” Psikay seemed far less concerned. “The other deities being stabbed and going into comas doesn’t seem… that strange. I… I assume this isn’t forever? The Panelix recovered, I am sure the Thantophor will too, right?”
Sini nodded. “Yes, Arkay will eventually wake up. The problem is, I don’t know when. And because Epani is kinda trapped and Kairos is being the biggest of cunts, I’m now working overtime covering for Epani AND catching anything that Arkay can’t do while comatose AND doing part time border patrols. So I need some cute little mortals to look after Arkay while he sleeps, and I’m choosing you four and your… uh, organizations to do that job for me.”
“Is that why we’re here on Kolasi?” Anthoula asked. “Because this ain’t anything but Temthan tourist towns, Banikan villages, Lanex exploration outposts and fucktons of giant monsters.”
“Kairos chained Arkay to the planet. I can’t move him without accidentally terraforming the place. Bringing you all in to act as guards for a few months is far easier. Admittedly, the 11th Legion and the Noeht are more helpful here, but you’re all Arkay’s races and I want him to be surrounded by allies. I’ll provide food and housing for you and your groups, and their families, although you all mostly chose single people to work in your organizations for… somewhat obvious reasons. You’ll all act as an early warning system in case Kairos encroaches, and will dissuade other mortals from interfering with Arkay as he recovers. Once Arkay wakes up and Epani escapes her time-out box, you all go back to your normal jobs.”
“Do we have a choice?” Kuta frowned. “I have not done off-planet work in a very long time-”
“How long?” Psikay interrupted. “Also what work?”
“I, uh, used to work in the 606th Legion before it was dismantled and I was transferred to and worked my way up the ranks of the 11th Legion.”
“Aaaahhh… Yeah, I can totally see you working there when you were younger…” Psikay shrugged. Anthoula and Kt’Ara didn’t know what Psikay was referring to, and Anthoula didn’t really want to ask the scary Rethan General for more information. “But I’m gonna guess we don’t have a choice at all.”
“You don’t, no. But I’ll make you all comfortable. And it will definitely be temporary. Psikay, Kuta, I know you two are… pretty highly ranked, but I’ll have a quick chat with your superiors so everything goes smoothly. Anyway, I have things I need to sort out, and you all need to tell your staff get packing. So I’ll send you all home now.”
Before any of the mortals could say anything, Sini snapped her fingers, teleporting them away. Once the electricity in the air died down, Sini rubbed her eyes, then decided to get something to eat. All this stress and sadness was making her hungry, she didn’t know why and she somewhat needed to know. But the Allbirther had more important matters that needed to be dealt with first.