God on a Waterbed

“Are we doing this every night now?” Elkay asked as he gently closed the door of his hotel room.

The room was much larger than Elkay was used to, but as always, King Ver had insisted that he get only the biggest and best rooms while he stayed in Vrekan territories. This room wasn’t a penthouse suite, but was plenty large enough, with a complete kitchen and dining table as well as a jacuzzi bath and a massive waterbed.

“No, not every night…” Arkadin wobbled awkwardly on the bed, not quite sure how he was supposed to lie on it.

“You have visited me multiple times over the last week or so. Vok are going to get suspicious.”

“To be fair…” Arkadin was still wobbling. He sat up straight, wobbled some more then laid back down again. “To be fair, people are suspicious of you anyway. Perpetually single and not at all attracted to other beings.”

“I feel sexual attraction, I just bury it.” Elkay headed over to the kitchen and opened the fridge. Inside were various drinks, all very well stocked. Elkay pondered over what drink to have and finally settled on a fizzy caramel soda in a metal can.

“As far as everyone else is concerned, you’re an asexual robot…” Arkadin wobbled about a bit more. “And people think that’s weird. Mostly because Yisini makes them think that.”

Elkay shrugged, then sipped his drink. “She wishes for us to reproduce. That makes sense. Still does not explain why a death god keeps on visiting my sleeping quarters. Unless you want something from me.”

“Yeah well…” Arkadin sighed. “You’re not the only one who buries emotional desires.”

“Is that why…”

“Kinda not really no…” Arkadin very swiftly answered. “No, it’s more that you’re cold and distant and trustworthy enough that I can just talk and you won’t blurt it out to the whole universe. Plus, I do like and respect you.”

The High General tutted as he sat down on the bed. “Is there a particular reason why you are here tonight?”

“Yeah. I was going to complain about the fact that there was another mass-shooting in Cassid territories but…” Arkadin took a deep breath. “You smell weird.”

Elkay blinked. “I do?”

“Yep.”

“What do I smell of?”

“You smell like you’ve been talking to a Kronospast.”

“I… have not…”

“Levik is a Kronospast.”

Again, Elkay blinked. “How do you know… Wait, that is a dumb question. You are a god, of course you know.”

“I honestly only know because he smells exactly like Tenuk and Kohra and I saw Kohra yesterday. Otherwise I wouldn’t have pointed it out.”

“Are you suggesting that Levik is-”

“Tenuk and Kohra’s black goat of a brother? Definitely. He was the first one to ditch, way before Tenuk did. Epani talked him into running away.”

Elkay crossed his arms and grunted. As he did so, he lost his balance and fell back onto the waterbed, causing a small wave that forced Arkadin to roll over.

“This bed is dreadful…” the High General hissed.

“Yeah, it fucking sucks…” Arkadin tutted as he got up off the bed. “You want pizza or something?”

“Pizza?”

“Baked dough with tomato sauce and various toppings and stuff on top.”

Elkay hesitated, then shrugged. “Sure, why not?”