“I am sorry for burning you, Arkay.”
“Retvik, I’ve told you twenty times already, it’s fine!”
Arkay had been hiding away in the ceiling observatory. It was really just a small room with a glass ceiling, with barely enough room for Arkay to stand, let alone Litvir or Retvik, but it was a climate-controlled room of comfort if one wanted to just lie down and stare off into the darkness.
“I still feel bad.”
“I know, but it’s fine. It’s really, really fine. You did what you had to do, and we ended up saving a life. A few burn marks that have already faded are the least of my concerns right now.”
Retvik frowned. “Are you sure-”
“Retvik, stop.”
Another frown. Retvik grunted to himself, then awkwardly joined Arkay in the observatory. He was actually too tall to be able to stand upright, and decided to just lie down next to Arkay.
“Is something wrong, Retvik? You seem very out of sorts!” Arkay exclaimed. “We’ve done this stuff before, but you’re taking things weird.”
“I feel bad for hurting you. But I also feel bad because I am having other thoughts that you are not willing to deal with right now. These are also thoughts I do not wish to share with Litvir.”
Arkay sat up and inspected Retvik. He hadn’t really seen Retvik come in, and was surprised that Retvik wasn’t wearing armour, just his normal fabric garments.
“How comes?”
“It is embarrassing. Plus, Litvir is weirdly preoccupied right now.”
“Is he still trying to find the nearest spa?”
Retvik grunted some more. “He does not want to go to a Life Goddess oasis or anything, nor does he wish to go to a Deathven Sector.”
“Understandable…” Arkay laid back down again. There wasn’t much to see outside, just darkness and more darkness. Normally, one would be able to see the glimmers of various universes, but apparently the current pentacluster they were in was deader than Patagenic, and Arkay was well aware of how dead his home turf was.
Retvik didn’t say much. Instead, he looked Arkay up and down briefly, then sighed.
“What’s wrong, Retvik?”
“Am I that obvious?”
“Yep.”
“Ugh.”
“Retvik, just tell me what’s wrong.”
“What is wrong is stupid.”
Arkay tutted. “You’re talking to me, the lord of stupid problems. Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s not too bad.”
More grunts. Arkay was picking up a lot of embarrassment from Retvik.
“Still stupid.”
“Retvik, you’re starting to annoy me. You used to always have a go at me for not talking. Now you’re doing the same thing.”
“Alright, fine…” Retvik gave in and immediately started talking properly. “When we were dealing with that giant Voidborn, you made yourself really big and more heavily armoured, while also being confident, and I found that rather attractive. And now I cannot help but think that maybe, if you shapeshifted yourself to be more Beh’en-like, or at the very least, bigger than me and more heavily armoured, you would be incredibly, insanely attractive to me. But at the same time, I feel somewhat bad, because I know this idea comes from my still not being completely over Gath.”
Arkay didn’t respond at first. In fact, he remained silent, thinking to himself. After a while though, he spoke.
“Alright, there’s two things going on here. The first is more obvious. You’re allowed to not be completely over losing Gath. You were married for what, fifty years? You spent most of your life married to Gath, when you’ve only been with Litvir and I, mostly Litvir, for just a tenth of that time. Sometimes you’re reminded of your losses, and it hurts. You’re allowed to be in pain. And Litvir and I want to help you through it.”
Retvik shrugged. “You are absolutely correct there. What is the second thing?”
“You’re embarrassed by one of your sexual desires.”
“What do you mean?”
Arkay rolled onto his side and inspected Retvik some more. “You’re struggling to accept one of your sexual flavours.”
“I… still do not follow.”
“You’re attracted to gigantic, muscular Rethans.”
“I guess.”
Arkay tutted. “Retvik, you married Gath for a lot of reasons, and one of those reasons was that you found Gath irresistible. You found him sexy and attractive on both the inside AND the outside. I mean, you and I technically both have similar sexual tastes, because I also enjoy being screwed by big, muscular Rethans… Well, not just being screwed. You want to be little spoon occasionally. You yearn for the embrace of someone larger than you.”
“I do, yes…” Retvik sighed. “Since we all ended up out here, I have always been the big, strong, muscular person who wraps his arms around you… or Litvir or whoever… to keep you safe and warm and all that. While I am always happy to be the big guardian, I… I yearn to be the one being protected. And, occasionally, the smaller, weaker, more submissive one.”
Arkay smiled. “You’re slightly embarrassed about admitting that.”
“I am.”
“And you find it hard admitting that you want me to do to you what you do to me and Litvir.”
Retvik closed his eyes, then nodded. “I consider you beautiful as you are. I consider you beautiful no matter how you shape yourself. But I also consider you especially beautiful when you make yourself look like a Beh’evok.”
Arkay smiled some more. He rolled closer to Retvik, then nuzzled up to him. “You’re just as silly as I am sometimes. Can’t admit what you really want.”
“I can be rather odd at times, yes.”
“It’s alright. We all have embarrassing thoughts…” Arkay trailed off, then tickled Retvik under the chin. “So, do you want to spend time with me, but big?”
“Yes.”
“And you want to do some fun things with me, but big?”
Retvik swallowed nervously. “Yes…”
“Well!” Arkay perked up. “Let’s get out of this tiny observatory and head to the bedroom, so we can experiment with some different looks. How does that sound?”
“That…” Retvik hesitantly replied. “That… sounds like fun.”
Arkay took Retvik by the hand, then nudged him to the exit, gently kissing Retvik on the cheek as he did so. “Wonderful.”