“I’m trying to be better…”
“I know you are.”
Arkadin glanced away from the small screen in his hands, over to where Kairos was lying, swinging in a large hammock and reading a book. Every so often, Kairos would glance back, yet pretend he wasn’t looking. Once Kairos had finished looking, he went back to his book.
“I wasn’t well yesterday. Something happened. I wanted to die. I didn’t want to wake up this morning. I never do.”
“It’s a phase. Things will get even better.”
“I… I hope so. I was considering getting a knife from the draw. It’s all suddenly gone downhill and I can’t pick myself up again.”
With a sigh, Arkadin shifted awkwardly in his seat. He was sending messages to the only person he knew would somewhat understand what he was going through. After a horrific experience, Arkadin was now staying with Kairos, living in Kairos’s home, trying to make himself better and get back on his feet. Sure, it had only been half a solar cycle, but Arkadin was already struggling.
“I want him to go out so I can be alone…” Arkadin typed. “I… I’ve told you about all of that.”
“Yeah. You need your own place and your own privacy. Somewhere where your douchebag siblings won’t annoy you.”
“I can’t. I’m stuck here.”
“Not forever, you’re not.”
“Yeah but I’m stuck here for now.”
Arkadin glanced at Kairos to see what he was doing. The Whenvern had switched from his book and was now playing games on a small electronic device. Well, it looked small in Kairos’s winged hands, but it was actually quite large. That was a common theme around here, everything seemed small to Kairos but seemed… just about the right size for Arkadin. Except from the height of mirrors. For some reason.
“It’s hard. I’m so scared of anyone finding out. And I feel like I’m just this dumb, messed up teenager going through all the shit everyone else went through millions of years ago.”
“Hey, don’t be like that! We’re all dumb, messed up teenagers.”
“I shouldn’t be like this.”
“It’s natural. Everyone needs to jerk off occasionally.”
“I… didn’t mean…”
“Yeah you did. Has to be really damn frustrating, even soul-destroying, knowing that you’re alone while your siblings do as they please and get what they want and sleep with who they like.”
“You’re right, Seimeni. But no one could ever want someone as horrible as me.”
“That’s not true. You just let your family tell you you’re horrible. And you take every joke to heart. You’re not bad, you’re just put down a lot.”
Arkadin paused, glanced at Kairos to make sure he wasn’t paying attention, then sighed heavily.
“A lot of this is my fault. I could change myself but I don’t. I sit here, stewing in my own problems, never actually changing. I do this to myself. I am responsible for my own fuck ups.”
“Oh come on. You’re being too hard on yourself again. Gotta change slowly. You’ve already made some changes…”
“I guess… I gotta go…”
Realising that Kairos had gotten up and was heading towards him, Arkadin quickly turned the screen away and switched to a different tab, where a video was paused.
“You alright?” Kairos asked.
“Yeah…” Arkadin lied.
“Cool. We have to head out in a bit. Kinisis wants to speak to us. I know you don’t want to see her, but we have to. It’s important.”
Arkaadin frowned, getting up from his seat. “Yeah, sure… I’ll go get ready then…”