Periods of Self Disbelief

“Hey Arkay! You’re looking cute today!”

Arkay closed his eyes and sighed as he opened the front door. Seimeni was carrying a folder meant for him, one final delivery for something he had left behind.

“Hi Seimeni, I appreciate the kind words, but I’m not cute… Do you, uh, want to come in?”

Seimeni checked a non-existent watch on her hand, then smiled. “I would love to! I was just gonna deliver this to you and head back, but I got time to spare!”

Regretting the words he just spoke, Arkay moved to one side, letting Seimeni squeeze past, then closed the door behind her. Seimeni quickly inspected the main room, a long, thin living area, and placed the folder on the nearest horizontal surface.

“Oh don’t be like that, you’re cute as fuck!” Seimeni beamed, catching quick glances of the other rooms as she sat down on one of the rather unused sofas. “Why do you always have to disagree when people say nice things about you?”

Arkay hesitated. He considered reaching for that folder, but decided to just sit down next to Seimeni.

“It’s… complicated.”

“So you have a reason?”

“I… I guess…”

Seimeni crossed her legs somewhat seductively, as if making sure that Arkay definitely caught a glimpse between her shapely thighs. Except he wasn’t exactly paying attention.

“Want to tell me why? Because it gets annoying after a while, giving you a compliment and you not liking it.”

With a sigh, Arkay leaned forward, staring directly ahead but not at Seimeni. “Well… I’ll be honest, it’s a trust issue on both sides. Simply put, I just don’t… believe people are being sincere with me when they compliment me.”

“What do you mean by that? Since when have I lied to you?”

“You didn’t tell me you slept with Retvik…” Arkay shook his head. “That’s not the point. Whenever someone compliments me, I go into… survival mode almost. Rather than just accepting what you say, I wonder if you are being sincere, or if this is a way to get under my skin. Heck, most of the compliments I got in the past were backhanded ones meant to harm rather than please. And if it’s an actual compliment, I then start to wonder if the person telling me something nice actually wants something from me. Or maybe they are distracting me. Or perhaps they’re softening the blow just before they make some sort of insane demand.

“And at the same time, I am often in disbelief myself. How CAN someone see me and think I am nice in any way? I’m a death god. Or a former one. Whatever. I’m a horrible being who has murdered billions, if not trillions. No one should ever actually like me. It’s always just a ploy to get something from me anyway.

“Up until now, genuine compliments, actual, simple ones, have been few and far between. Because most compliments turn out to be excuses. So that is why I always become aggressive and standoffish whenever someone says nice things about me. Because I feel like I’m just being used.”

Seimeni looked Arkay up and down. “You’re so unused to compliments that you immediately see them as bad?”

“Yeah, basically.”

The ghostly Decay Lord frowned. “That’s… really damn sad. Almost pathetic even. Clearly you need some actual, genuine help, because that’s no way to live.”

“Well, that’s just how I am…” Arkay tutted. “It’s nearly impossible for me to accept a compliment. Now, if you don’t mind, I kinda need to get back to my work.”

Seimeni blinked, then shrugged, picking herself up from the sofa. “Alright. But you do need to work on yourself, you know.”

“I know…” Arkay sighed, leading Seimeni back to the front door. “I know, I know. People have been telling me that for decades.”

“Will you actually do something about it?”

“I’ll try… Have a good day, Seimeni.”

Seimeni patted Arkay on the shoulder. “You too, Arkay…”