“So! My little sibling! Let us start making plans!”
Kuta and Ret both blinked with confusion as Litvir literally dragged them into his office, slammed the door shut then sat them in front of his desk.
“Uh, Kyr Litvir, are you alright?” Ret asked hesitantly, somewhat unnerved by Litvir’s leering smile.
“No, I am not alright at all!” Litvir was still smiling, despite his statement. “I am angry and tired and lonely and feel rather left out currently, and I am genuinely pissed off that Retvik is spending all his time with Elksia and Arkay is overworking himself in a duty he hates, but I am putting my negative emotions to one side for a bit so I can do something nice for my little sibling and their darling poten-partner, both of whom will eventually go through the same motions Elksia is going through right now, and I want to make sure things go far more smoothly for you two.”
Kuta and Ret both blinked again, and didn’t answer at first. Eventually, Ret glanced at Kuta and shrugged.
“Fair enough. Do you want to help us plan our wedding?”
Litvir smiled some more. “Indeed! I think we ought to get the ball rolling. After Elksia’s egg has hatched, things will calm down. We will have some time on our hands. And a gap in our schedule. Apparently the local Corruption hibernates whenever void storms are near, and we are due to have a lot of void storms nearby. Might as well get you two married while we have a chance!”
Ret shrugged some more. “That does sound reasonable. Do you know how our weddings work?”
“You did already explain a few things to me. What I want to work out are some of the finer details. For example, what will we do for the reception and/or after-party?”
“Oh!” Kuta quickly perked up. “We can do a massive fire stew! I have not had fire stew in decades!”
Ret was about to nod in agreement, but paused. “I… I forget sometimes that you are nearly double my age, Kuta.”
“What?” Kuta exclaimed. “Do vok not do fire stew any more?”
“What is fire stew?” Litvir asked.
Kuta rolled their eyes, feeling a tad bemused. “Basically, you erect a massive bonfire and sit a cauldron on top of it, fill it with stock made from the river one has recently jumped into to seal their partnership, then slowly cook meat and potatoes in it while everyone gets drunk. Traditionally, the married couple will also spit some mead into the mixture.”
“Ah. Wonderful…” Litvir clearly wasn’t thrilled by that last bit. “Ret, I take it traditions have moved on?”
“A little. We still cook some meat in a liquid over the fire, but it is a large piece of meat cooked in a sweet spiced liquid. The meat is shredded and the liquid is cooked down into a sauce. We call it pulling pork. That being said, I have never been to a Rethan wedding.”
Litvir paused again, then stared at Ret. “The first wedding you will ever attend will be your own?”
Ret nodded a little. “Unfortunately, yes. Apparently Valorier wanted to invite me to one of his weddings but Vrekan weddings… uh… new-universe Vrekan weddings, are very… uh… orgy-y. Us Rethans are somewhat prude. Nyssi explained to me what “consummating the marriage” was and it did not make sense to me.”
“To be fair, requiring the married couple to have sex to seal the deal does make as much sense as us Rethans doing our little water ritual!” Kuta countered.
“I thought the whole getting married ritual was the whole point of… Uh…” Ret wasn’t sure how to articulate his argument. “Why do you need to have sex to mark the marriage? The wedding is what makes the marriage.”
Litvir shrugged. “Admittedly, I believe the whole ritual aspect of a partnership is rather silly, even more so when it is tied to a government or societal order.”
Kuta tutted. “Ah yes, I remember now. I never agreed. I think a ritual makes a partnership more solid and more permanent! Which begs the question, brother, if you dislike weddings so much, why are you helping Ret and I with our wedding? Do you have an ulterior motive?”
Litvir thought to himself for a moment. He then looked back at Kuta and went back to smiling. “Simply put, despite my personal opinions, I am somewhat good at helping arrange weddings. And I will put my opinions to one side for once, to make my little sibling happy rather than sad for a change. I cannot make up for what I did but I can do one good thing for you, Kuta.”
“Oh…” Kuta stuttered, then frowned. “You are being genuine.”
“I often am being genuine. Despite my mental prowess, I am an honest person!” Litvir’s smiling was starting to annoy Kuta. “I do genuinely want to help make you happy, Kuta. Same way I made Elkay and Teekay happy. Admittedly, my desire to make Elkay happy was two-fold: after our polycule situation ended, I somewhat saw making Elkay happy as a backup for losing you and failing to make you happy; and it also massively helped Elkay’s identity problems. But my point still stands. I want you to be genuinely happy, Kuta, and helping you with a wedding is how I want to do that.”
Ret nudged Kuta a little. “Just let your weird big sibling help you. Kyr Litvir is being nice, accept the niceness. I wish I could have helped Relkir with their wedding and I cannot. Kyr Litvir wishes for the same thing. Let him.”
“Alright, fine…” Kuta relented. “I guess you are being genuine. And since you now get a half-decent Hidden Trio income, you can help Ret and I obtain pink wedding armour. And we will do both fire stew and pulling pork. Also, I want lots of mead.”
“Consider it all done!” Litvir beamed. “I take it you have been thinking about this for a while?”
“I have lists.”
“Care to fetch them?”
Kuta grunted, then got up and walked through the nearest shadow, back to their private quarters. Once the coast was clear, Litvir turned to Ret.
“Are you and Kuta alright?”
Ret nodded. “We are. But the whole “Kuta nearly got me egg-ridden again” thing has made them a bit grumpy. I forgave Kuta, but Kuta finds it hard to forgive themselves. You do the same, yes?”
“I do, definitely. But do not fret. I think, once you are both married, this little issue will be a thing of the past…”