Kayel was exhausted. Ever since his team had accepted the challenge from Retha Squad One, the four of them had been training non-stop. Kayel in particular had been practising more efficient shadowjumping, something that was both physically and mentally draining. Doubly so if Kayel was shadowjumping while carrying someone else. But he’d made a lot of progress, and Kayel was actually pretty impressed with himself. After all, after seven years of studying to work in L-Class, Kayel had kinda let himself go a bit, however he’d really gotten back into the swing of things, and all his combat training had come back naturally. Even the more complicated parts of his Phantasma abilities.
Still, Kayel was in need of a break. And some alone time. Which was why he had returned to his tiny little apartment, rather than staying at Retvik’s place again. Using his Phantasma powers was fine and all, but too much of it made him feel dirty and always brought up a wide array of emotions, things he had to deal with on his own. The biggest emotion was guilt, and a burning desire to atone for his sins.
Kayel rummaged through a small chest of drawers, looking for something in particular. He had originally intended to throw some of his dirty clothes into the washing machine and just go to bed, but that guilty feeling needed to go away. These days, Kayel didn’t consider himself religious at all, however, back in his old Phantasma days, he’d definitely made plenty of offerings and prayers, like all assassins did. Eventually, Kayel did find what he was looking for, a small, silver medallion with an elongated diamond shape and a V shape carved into it, as well as the engraved words “Death Below All”. The Skyavok symbol for the Silent Blade.
Clutching the medallion, Kayel kneeled down on his bed, put his hands together and closed his eyes, muttering under his breath.
“Dearest Thantophor, please forgive me, for I have taken that which does not belong to me. I can only offer myself in their place. May the Darkness cleanse and claim my spirit, may I die by the Silent Blade. Thanto kat’olon.”
Kayel fell silent, then took several deep breaths, before climbing out of bed, removing his excess clothing. However, before he could put his comfy pyjamas on, someone knocked at the door. Kayel couldn’t help but jump in surprise, after all, it was pretty late (alright, to be fair, it was only 7pm), who the fuck was knocking at this time of day? Throwing on the clothes he had just taken off, Kayel cursed loudly and went to see who it was.
“Who the f… Oh, hello, Arkay…”
The Thantophor stood in the doorway, looking vaguely annoyed. “Hi, Kayel, you alright?”
Kayel blinked in confusion. “What are you doing here?”
“You just prayed to me. Firstly, you don’t normally do that, secondly, I wanted to come in person and tell you how stupid your prayer was. Since I live just down the road. May I come in?”
“Uh, yeah, of course…” Kayel hesitated for a second, then moved to one side, letting Arkay enter. He waited for the Lord of Decay to sit down on the sofa before doing anything else. “Uh, do you want anything to, uh drink? I only have water though. And I think I have the same horrible strawberry milk drink stuff you made the mistake of buying.”
Arkay shook his head. He looked exactly like a Skyavok today, apart from two indentations on his back, where one tattered, broken wing and the remains of another hung awkwardly. In his left hand was a curved dagger that shined unnaturally in the white light of Kayel’s apartment. “I’m good, thanks. I won’t be long because I know you’re tired, but, like, I read your prayer and, well, it kinda upsets me.”
“You… read my prayer?” Kayel sat himself down on the sofa with Arkay, but tried to sit as far away as possible.
“Mhm. I’m not really supposed to respond to prayers, but I get them all via a modified version of email, and I saw your one pop up and I was like, really? My little friend Kayel asking for atonement?”
Kayel stared at the floor. “I have killed, I feel I need to atone.”
“You’re asking forgiveness from the guy who kills literally everything, from Death Itself. You realize how fucking stupid that is, right?”
“Still… you’re… kinda… supposed to do all that. It’s your duty.”
“Doesn’t make your prayer any more stupid. Especially since you were genetically engineered and brainwashed into being an assassin. No reasonable person actually WANTS to murder other people, especially their own kind. And when you got out, you tried to atone by becoming a teacher, to give back to the world.”
Arkay looked towards Kayel, who was still keeping his eyes down. He was clearly tired and in emotional pain.
“Are you alright, Kayel?”
“I’m… just tired. And this Phantasma stuff… It fucks with my brain a bit.”
“Yeah, that’s the brainwashing. The old echoes in your mind are telling you that you should be preparing to murder a target, except you don’t do that any more. And now you’re getting back into combat, the old echoes pop up again, wanting to be satisfied, and when you don’t get that kill because the arenas are non-lethal, your brain gets confused because it’s expecting a reward.”
Kayel finally looked up. Arkay’s words made a lot of sense. Of course they did, Arkay was Kayel’s patron deity.
“So… how do I fix this?”
Arkay shrugged. “I suppose, if you can convince yourself that emptying someone’s health meter, or even just hurting someone, is a reward to you, then your brain will calm down and feel somewhat satisfied.”
“Hm…” Kayel lost himself in thought. Arkay’s suggestion was a little too helpful. “Yeah, you know what? I can do that. Especially since winning battles IS satisfying. Satisfying and exhausting…” Kayel trailed off again, then turned to face Arkay properly. He noticed that the Thantophor didn’t look too happy. “Is something wrong?”
Again, Arkay shrugged. “I have… a lot on my mind.”
“Want to share, since I just told you what was on my mind?”
“Eh, it’s complicated. And pretty stupid.”
“You came, in person, to tell me that my prayer to you was stupid. We’re both being dumb here.”
“True…” Arkay tutted. “Eh, still, it’s a mess. I should be happy, I spoke to Epani and Sini and they gave me more power so I can better fight corruption, but doing so kinda… unlocked some unhappy memories and led me down a path I wasn’t ready for.”
“What sort of path?”
“Turns out I have friends from the Before.”
“Was it that guy in the video game thingy?”
Arkay sighed, rubbing his head. “Yeah. Litvir and Retvik and I, we were blood-bound, but something awful happened and we were separated. They tried to get back in touch but we’re so distant now and that awful thing still hangs over us. And then there’s the little memories that pop up and remind me of what I lost and it makes me feel awful.”
“Ugh…” Kayel grunted. “I know exactly how that feels. Happened while we were discussing our plan against Retha Squad One and I kinda got a bit snappy. Also kinda weird that you are friends with more than one Retvik.”
The Thantophor was about to nod in agreement, but suddenly stopped. “You’re going to fight Retha Squad One?”
“Yeah, turns out their leader challenged Retvik and hurt his pride and he said yes. Plus, apparently, as a house fighter, Retvik’s kinda not allowed to back down from these sorts of challenges. It’s going to be stupidly hard but we’re going to go down fighting at least.”
“Hmph…” Arkay fell silent, then waggled his fingers around, as if he was trying to do some complicated maths. “Well, the chances of you winning are definitely higher than you’d expect. Can’t do much to physically help you, but I can offer some advice.”
“Oh?” Kayel smiled a little. “I’m all ears.”
“Alright, first off, see if you can get yourself a ranged weapon you’re more comfortable with. You’re a Phantasma, your preferred weapons have always been blades and rifles. Since you’re a house fighter, Phovos should give you what you want. And secondly, both you and Tenuk, make sure you eat plenty of sugar. You’re gonna need the energy spikes, and the battle probably won’t last that long, so you won’t have time to feel the downs.”
Kayel bowed his head. “I accept your wise words. Thank you, oh Silent Blade.”
The Thantophor grinned as he stood up. To anyone else, it would have been terrifying, but to Kayel, it was actually somewhat endearing. “I always liked that name. Should use it more. Anyway, I’ll leave you to it. Have a good rest, friend.”
“Thank you, Arkay. Good night.”