“You’re doing it again…”
This was the second time in nearly as many days that Arkadin had caught Kairos hovering behind him, waiting impatiently to ask him questions. Today, Arkadin was just dealing with the remains of a volcanic eruption that had perfectly buried a city full of primitive sapient beings so he had time to talk, but that wasn’t the point.
“I’m doing what?”
“Hovering.”
Kairos sighed then landed on the ground. He quickly regretted it though as he realised he had landed on some recently cooled lava, and it clearly wasn’t thick enough to support his weight.
“Fuck.”
Arkadin allowed himself a quick snicker, then went back to what he was doing.
“You going to help me?”
“No. You can help yourself.”
The Whenvern pulled himself out of the lava then perched on the top of a building, only to have that collapse under his weight.
“Go back to hovering, you retard.”
“Fine, I will then!” Kairos snapped. “When are you going to be done with whatever it is you’re doing so we can talk?”
Arkadin dusted off his hands. “I finished ages ago.”
“So you were just pissing around to annoy me?”
“Yep.”
Kairos grunted. With with a twirl of his tail, he summoned a portal. On the other end was a hot, bubbly sauna filled with purple water. He pushed Arkadin through the portal then jumped in himself, closing it behind him.
“Well this is pleasant…” Arkadin muttered as he spat water everywhere. “Can I put some bubble bath in? Make it all frothy?”
The Whenvern gave the Thantophor a funny look. “What are you? The Lord of Death or a five year old child?”
“Can I be both?” Arkadin smiled. Kairos relented, summoned a bottle of bubble bath and handed it to Arkadin. The Thantophor beamed with glee as he poured the liquid into the swirliest bit of water and watched as bubbles began to form.
Kairos waited for Arkadin’s amusement to subside, then sat down in the massive natural sauna. He slowly began to rub the hardening lava off his feet.
“So what did you want to ask?” Arkadin suddenly chirped, the charm of the bubbles having worn off. “Must have been a big thing, since we’re in a bubbling jacuzzi sauna thing.”
“Yeah, I need advice.”
“On what?”
“On a potential mate.”
Arkadin froze. “You’re… you’re kidding, right?”
“I don’t know what to do, little brother. I certainly can’t talk about this to anyone else since you helped me get into this mess!” Kairos exclaimed. “You helped me get this far with her!”
“You’re asking the 13 billion year old virgin deity who has never had a partner in his long existence about how to date?”
The Whenvern didn’t answer at first. “I… I guess? Wait, you’ve never…”
“I think it’s immortal for me to date a mortal, knowing that I’ll kill them one day.”
“Oh…” Kairos fell silent again. After a long, awkward silence, he turned to Arkadin again. “Anyway, I want to know whether I should tell the truth to Phovos or not.”
“You mean you haven’t been truthful about the fact that you’re not Tim the Kindly Space Ninja who also happens to play Third Life?” Arkadin snubbed. “You have to tell her the truth.”
“But why?”
Arkadin grunted. “Look at it from Phovos’s angle! She hasn’t had many partners before. As a Ksithan, sex is a risky business, she could get an illness or become pregnant or something, so she’s avoided it her whole life. You might be the first being to charm her in a long time, and she won’t appreciate it if you go on a real date with her and you’re not who she thought you were!”
Kairos sighed, then nodded in agreement. “You’re right. I should tell her. I wouldn’t like it if someone lied to me, why should I lie to her?”
“Good. Tell her the truth. Better now than later. She’s not a fan of that sort of thing…”
Kairos nodded again, then stopped. He hesitated for a moment, then asked a new question.
“How comes you know so much about Phovos?”
Arkadin blinked. “What?”
“How do you know so much about her?”
“Uh… That’s…”
“You just told me to tell the truth.”
The Thantophor sighed. “I’ve… I’ve kinda been keeping an eye on her… For a long time…”
“Why?” Kairos leaned forward curiously.
“Because…” Arkadin sighed again. “Because she might have… it…”
“What’s “it”?”
The Thantophor got out of the sauna and summoned his own little portal. “I… I can’t tell you…”
“Arkadin, wait!”
“Sorry, brother…” Arkadin sighed as he disappeared. “Maybe some other time…”