“What the actual fuck…”
Arkay thought he was completely alone, trapped inside a place only he really knew about. The Mimic Headspace (Arkay hadn’t thought of a cooler name yet) was a strange, meta-physical place where Arkay’s mind astral-projected to whenever he was comatose or his body was badly injured and he needed to sleep to recover. He’d only recently discovered that other Amalgam Mimics could also access this place, but Arkay hadn’t expected to see anyone come back.
Yet there Elkay (the only other Amalgam Mimic Arkay knew) was, floating, arms open and smiling.
“Hello!” Elkay seemed both happy and uneasy at the same time.
“Uh… You are in a coma again…” Arkay stuttered.
“A specially designed and maintained one!” Elkay continued to be chirpy. “Oh. I suppose I should try and explain. Teekay, Eksi, Litvir and I finally had a chance to have one of our little… meet ups, the first we have had in a while. I explained to them that I felt incredibly horny and attracted to you when I saw you, and Eksi suggested that I act on those emotions.”
Arkay blinked. “What? What meet ups?”
Elkay’s smile faded somewhat. “Uh, you… did not know that, after you were sent away and Retvik and Litvir stopped talking to each other, the four of us agreed on a strange, four-way friends-with-benefits situation. Mostly because Litvir was lonely and neither Litvir nor I are capable of keeping two very, very horny Skyavok satisfied.”
“But… you and Teekay were both… like… ultra-strict, no-nonsense fellows…”
“Well, I do not know about Eksi, but the universe dying made Teekay and I realize that we really ought to have not wasted so much time, and Litvir apparently only started caring about sex after Retvik, uh, introduced him to it on a more-than-once-a-decade basis.”
“Yeah but…” Arkay was still confused. “You’re marrying Teekay.”
“While, yes, we are marrying each other, we understand that we are different species with different drives and different needs. As long as we discuss things beforehand, Teekay and I both agreed that we can sleep with others to satisfy things we cannot do for each other. Admittedly, I was very, very hesitant to do this until Teekay agreed with Eksi and said it would be ‘interesting’, and Eksi said he could do this coma thing safely.”
Arkay frowned. “This isn’t good for you. You shouldn’t be in a coma and you shouldn’t be risking your consciousness to spend time with me. I’m a stupid old death god, I’m not worth your time.”
“Well, I am a stupid middle-aged horny Rethan and I think you are worth my time…” Elkay paused. “That being said, I do not know if I actually AM a Rethan any more, and if, instead, I am now the same species as you. And if we ARE the same species, then we owe it to, I do not know, at least see if we are compatible.”
“Alright, what the fuck is wrong with you?” Arkay suddenly snapped. “This… is this even you? Am I imagining this? I ruined your life in a myriad of ways, you were turned into a monster because of me, and here you are, offering yourself? Is this some kind of joke or something? Am I imagining this?”
“You did not-”
“I did. You were hurt because you had feelings for me. Not even proper romantic ones at the time. Pretty much everyone I’ve cared about has been hurt because of me, but you, you got it the worst. I appreciate the fact that you risked yourself to come here, but I don’t deserve you. I deserve to be here, and I’ve decided I’m going to stay here.”
Elkay’s smile faded away. “Oh. May I ask… why?”
“I hurt less people being a comatose deity than I do being a conscious one. And here, trapped in my own mind? I know it’s not real, but I can daydream about not being Arkidetelos, the Lord of Ruin, but RK0019K, the silly little Threan-type Retha, doing his old job protecting others. A time when friends and family lived better lives because of me, not worse.”
“You have been sitting here on your own, thinking about this for a while, yes?”
Arkay nodded. “In here, I get… flashbacks, I guess. Memories from when I was mortal. It was… all pretty awful, but in my short, 25 years, I did a lot of good. All that good was undone though. Pretty much instantly. Untold trillions have died by my hand. On top of the pain I have caused to all who have gotten close to me.”
“You have given up.”
“I’ve had a lot of time to reflect. Yeah, I’ve given up. I have two choices. I either stay here, forever, or I am forced to wake up and I get Epani and Sini to reset me, so I forget everything and go back to being their humble, semi-mindless slave…” Tears started streaming down Arkay’s face. “I was a mistake. Right from the start. Someone born from rape, pain and anguish. The multiverse would have been better off if my egg had just been smashed.”
Elkay didn’t say anything at first. He watched as Arkay curled up into a ball, now gently sobbing to himself.
“Well… you are not alone there. As much as I like to think that my mother had a brief and loving relationship with my father, I am certain that I am also a product of rape. The old Rethavok only became more progressive and more willing to report sexual harassment because I forced them to.”
“Yeah, well, you actually try to do good, despite everything. The only things I do these days are cause things to die and decompose, regardless of how good or bad a being they are, and lay in my own imagination, hating myself.”
Elkay sighed. He felt absolutely awful. He’d come here, to this strange place, in a bid to try and make someone he cared about feel better. Instead, he had done the opposite.
“I am s-”
“Don’t fucking say it.”
“Well, I am. I did not mean to make you feel worse. I would leave you alone, but I am somewhat stuck here for 15 minutes total, and I do not know how long we have been talking for. But Litvir, Eksi, Teekay and myself, we all just wanted to give you 15 brief minutes of happiness, because, despite absolutely everything, you still try to be a vaguely good person.”
Arkay unfurled himself and snarled. “I don’t deserve happiness.”
“Taking away all happiness just turns you into even more of a monster…” Elkay sighed again. “Would you at least like a quick hug? And maybe you can tell me about this RK0019K fellow, his job and all the good he did? I cannot leave currently even if I wanted to, so I might as well spend the time here with, well, my friend. Like we used to.”
The Thantophor turned to Elkay. “I… I don’t understand you. Despite everything… you… you somehow think I am your friend?”
“I do, yes. We have a lot in common, we have been down similar paths and we have always enjoyed spending time together.”
“I guess…” Arkay rubbed the tears from his eyes and took several deep breaths, calming himself down. “I’m sorry. I’m not doing well right now. Can I have a hug, please?”
Elkay went back to smiling as he wrapped an arm, a wing and a tail around Arkay. “Of course.”
Arkay hesitated, then leaned on Elkay, accepting his embrace. “Thank you. I don’t deserve this, but thank you.”
“Maybe, one day, you will think you do deserve it. And I hope, when that day comes, I will be there for you. We will be there for you. You are not the absolute monster you think you are.”
“I guess…” Arkay muttered as he closed his eyes. “Maybe I’m not that bad after all…”