“It is strange, no longer being a selfish asshole.”
Retvik glanced at Litvir, surprised by his sudden words. The two Thantir leaders had been sitting quietly on the small pier on their own for a while. The overall mood was rather sour, since, a few hours prior, a young Voidborn had come to the Thantir, seeking help, only for them to be swiftly consumed by the Corruption that had infected them. For the safety of everyone present, the Voidborn had to be killed. Its remains were cremated, then released into the darkness of the Space Between Universes. Both Retvik and Litvir had been present, and they were the ones who had put the Voidborn to rest. Despite Kal’s reassurances that, sadly, these things happened and they’d do better next time, it still hurt.
Having been inside the Voidborn’s mind as it passed, Litvir was feeling particularly off. He was feeling heavy with loss. Not just from the Voidborn, but from other losses as well. After the Voidborn incident, Litvir had received a handful of messages. There was one positive one, that a former patient had met up with an ally of theirs and was rebuilding their life. But the others were mostly negative.
After weeks of radio silence, it was finally confirmed that Arkay, the third member of the Missing, Litvir and Retvik’s Decay Lord Trio, had been ‘reset’ and had had all his memories wiped by the Life Goddesses that kept him prisoner inside a distant universe. As far as Litvir was concerned, Arkay, the Arkay he knew, was essentially dead.
“Do you want to talk, dear?”
“Yes. I feel absolutely awful. About a lot of things. Right now, I am angry at myself for having been angry at you and your loss of faith in Arkay. You were right, I was wrong. It hurts more because I am almost certain that Arkay let himself be destroyed, because he believed everyone else would be better off.”
Retvik frowned but didn’t say anything. It was hard to. The two of them were sitting about 50m away from the place where they’d last seen Arkay as a sane, happy individual. Someone who believed they were worthy of being happy.
“Did Teekay and Elkay speak to you about their partnership stuff?” Retvik asked, in a bid to change the subject.
“They did, yes. And I agreed. They have been very patient, they have been through a lot together and now they can get married and have it all be official. Admittedly, it was nice seeing Teekay so genuinely happy, and Elkay seemed relieved as well.”
“You do not have a problem with-”
“You always bring that up. That Elkay is a Rethan and Teekay is a Skyan. Yet you have no problem with my deep desires to be with Arkay.”
Retvik sighed. “I just… find it… annoying, really. That those two managed to stay together through so much. While we could not hold on to Arkay. But I also find it… odd that you are so infatuated with Arkay. Perhaps more than you are with me.”
Litvir sighed, loudly and somewhat angrily. “Of course I am. Arkay is the first person I ever met that did not instantly judge me, or ask me why I had fangs, or call me a monster. Everyone else I have come into contact with, they look at me and see a freak. Granted, I AM a freak by Rethan standards, but I hate being told that I am abnormal. Arkay never did that. He accepted me for the strange, twisted being that I was, and he understood that, yes, I am an asshole, but I am trying to better myself. And that was right from the start, from the first time I met Arkay.”
“You love Arkay because he never judged you.”
“To this day, you still occasionally judge me. But Arkay made me feel happy and I just wanted to make Arkay feel happy. The idiot that I am, I routinely failed to do that, but I have a burning desire to hold the poor thing in my arms and tell him everything will be alright, that he is safe and I love him and he deserves to be loved. At the same time, it is agonizing knowing that I will most likely never get the chance to do so.”
Litvir trailed off, then rubbed his eyes, hiding tears. He was a Rethan, he wasn’t really supposed to cry. Even if Litvir was more emotional than most, thanks to his telepathy.
“I do not understand why everyone wanted to hurt Arkay. He no longer knows that there is more to existence than mindlessly serving a Life Goddess as their pet death god, and if he tries to escape, they can just reset him again. He does not deserve this fate. And I can do literally nothing about it, I can do nothing to help the person I love.”
Retvik sighed, then put an arm around Litvir.
“Arkay is gone. Mentally, at least. He may have made a promise to us, yes, but does a promise even matter if you do not remember making it? But either way, he will continue to suffer, endlessly, used as a slave, told that he has no value himself. That his only value is what he can do for other beings. Really, I would prefer it if Arkay was physically dead, at least he would get some peace, but no, he will most likely be guilt-tripped into remaining alive and continuing to give himself for others…
“And now I feel worse. You are literally right here. Yet here I am, pining for someone I have not seen in, what, three years? It is wrong for me to be upset when I have a perfect partner by my side already.”
“You are allowed to be upset about the loss of someone you care about. That is natural.”
“Still… You were right, Retvik. Arkay died that dreadful day, when he became Arkidetelos. I was stubborn, I believed that maybe we could bring Arkay back to us. He never did come back, he was dragged further and further away. Now, he is too far gone.”
Litvir fell silent, then looked up, gazing into the distance. Across the lake, at the very edge of it, he spotted Galyn plodding around. On closer inspection, he seemed to be digging things up and summoning small, flowering plants.
“What is Galyn doing?” Litvir asked Retvik.
“Making a memorial garden. Koh suggested it. He said that the Voidborn that died today will certainly not be the last, and we ought to have… a place of remembrance, for those who do not make it. We are calling this place Savepoint after all, we ought to save something from the unlucky ones who pass away, as well as saving the living.”
“Hm…” Litvir thought for a moment. “We should… add Arkay to the memorial garden. Seimeni as well. Our fallen comrades. We never had a chance to have a funeral for Seimeni, and I think it would put both our minds at ease if we put Arkay’s memories to rest.”
Retvik grunted, an attempt to cover up his own sadness. He pulled Litvir close.
“If it will make you feel better, then that is what we should do. But for now, we should just stay here, together, and hold each other. The pain will subside, I promise.”