Arkadin grunted as the Whenvern slumped down next to him. He had been sitting all alone on a little floating rock on the far side of the universe. He had wanted to be out here, all on his own. But as always, one of his siblings had ignored his wishes.
“What do you want, Kairos?”
The Whenvern shrugged, stretching out his wings, then wrapping one of them around Arkadin’s shoulder. To his dismay, the Thantophor immediately shook him off and shifted to one side, away from Kairos.
“I wanted to make sure you are okay.”
“I am fine.”
“You’re not fine.”
Arkadin grunted again, looking off into the darkness. Kairos frowned, then moved his wings, tucking them neatly away.
“Is this because of Epani’s plan? How I used your powers? How I kinda didn’t flat out murder that hecker of all twunts?”
The Thantophor grunted some more. “No. Can you please leave me alone?”
“I don’t want to leave you alone.”
“Everyone keeps saying that!” Arkadin suddenly snapped. The speed of the Thantophor’s reaction genuinely made Kairos jump. “Everyone keeps on saying for me to not be alone but no one can stand being with me! No one except for literally a handful of people who blatantly ignore me when I want to be on my own! Why can’t you leave me alone, Kairos?”
Kairos glanced away. “I just wanted to make sure you were doing well after a traumatic incident. You died, Arkadin, and that makes me worried about you. You were worried about me when I died and you were there for me and I want to do the same for you.”
Yet again, Arkadin grunted. Kairos could tell that there was a lot the Thantophor wanted to say but lacked the courage to do so.
“Are you alright, little brother?”
“No. I am not alright. I am not well at all.”
Kairos frowned. He had finally gotten an honest answer, but it wasn’t a good one. “What’s wrong? What do you want to talk about?”
Arkadin stood up, almost in a threatening way, but he was so small compared to Kairos. So tired. Desperately longing for something.
“You won’t understand.”
“Try me.”
The Thantophor hesitated, before sitting back down. “Alright. I’ll talk…” He took several long, deep breaths, before sighing again and looking back up at Kairos.
“Hm?”
“Those four seconds I spent dead were some of the most beautiful moments I have ever experienced. It was cold and silent yet so deeply peaceful. An unending quiet I had never experienced before and won’t experience for a long, long time unless I somehow die again.”
Kairos didn’t say anything. He watched Arkadin and let him continue.
“My entire existence, all I hear are the sounds of the damned, all I see is pain and suffering, all I smell is the scent of rotting flesh and decaying matter. It is draining. But for those four seconds, I was free from it all. And I want to go back to that. I want to go back to the cold silence. I want to join the eternal void that I drag all mortals into.
“But at the same time, I can’t expect someone like you to… take over my job for me. I’m at a complete loss on how to continue my existence. Before this happened, I was scared. There were things I hadn’t done, there were things I wanted to experience, I was sad that I was going to die. And now I am sad that I am alive.”
Arkadin closed his eyes, trying to hide his tears.
“I feel guilty for having emotions, Kairos. I shouldn’t have them. I should always have been Arkidetelos. Being Arkadin has made me miserable and given me desires I can never satisfy.”
The tears took over, and Arkadin began to sob. “Why do I have to feel like this?”
Kairos frowned, putting a wing around Arkadin. This time, the Thantophor didn’t push away.
“I know. And I do understand. These were all thoughts that ran through my head when I experienced those moments of death. We’re both in shock over what happened.”
“But we’re… we’re deities…” Arkadin sniffed. “We shouldn’t… feel like that… should be better…”
“No, we shouldn’t. We may be gods but we are still mortal and we still have emotions. You shouldn’t be ashamed of feeling or showing them. You are doing what all conscious beings do.”
“Even the… dark desires… the addictive desires… the desires of flesh and blood?”
“Those are all natural and you need to learn how to accept them.”
Arkadin gulped nervously. “I guess… but I… I don’t know how to. And I just… I just want to be away for a while. Away from everyone else. Because most vok hate me and I can’t deal with that…”
“Then go away for a bit. Be on your own. But when you are better, come back and talk…”
“You don’t mind, do you?” Arkadin muttered. “I’ll just… keep to myself for a few months. Remain hidden. Just… hide and sleep. While I sort myself out.”
The Whenvern nodded. “You do whatever you need to do. I’ll be here for you if you need me.”
Kairos and Arkadin looked at each other. After a brief moment of silence and understanding, Kairos picked himself up and unfolded his wings.
“I’ll leave you to it, alright? Give you the alone time you need.”
Arkadin smiled vaguely, wiping the tears from his eyes. “Thank you.”
“No, thank you…”