“What do you mean, there are no lessons today?”
“There are no lessons today.”
Litvir peered through the window looking into the empty classroom, then turned back to their teacher, Tekni. Tekni was there to set up an art activity for later in the day involving paper and glue, and thankfully, they had caught Litvir before having them standing around doing nothing for too long.
“Why? It is Thursday. We normally have classes on Thursday!”
Tekni smiled, then patted Litvir on the shoulder. They were one of the few teachers that were taller than Litvir. “Today is Labour Day, a day of rest for everyone, particularly those in hard jobs. After all, our society is built by everyone working together, from top to bottom, and the top cannot function without all the normal jobs, especially those in the farming Legions and the 800s.”
“Oh…” Litvir didn’t know how to react to that. They ended up frowning. “But I was looking forward to the double art lesson. And I also do not mind the double physics lesson afterwards, those are interesting.”
“You were? You do not want to play games with your friends? And do you not want to eat the chocolate workyballs that the kitchens have made for everyone?”
Litvir blinked, looking rather blank. “What is a workyball?”
“It is a traditional sweet ball of chocolate with a white and yellow sugar-cream on the inside. They are tasty.”
“Oh…” Litvir was still struggling with what emotions they should have been using. “I… should not really eat chocolate…”
Tekni looked Litvir up and down. “Is something wrong?”
“Um… yes…”
There were a handful of tears welling up in Litvir’s eyes. Realizing that they were upset, Tekni unlocked the art classroom, then led Litvir inside, closing the door behind them.. They sat Litvir on a stool, placed some sheets of paper and some colouring pencils in front of Litvir and sat down next to them.
“You are struggling with your feelings right now. Do you want to draw how you feel instead of saying it?”
Litvir wiped their eyes and nodded. They took a blue pencil in their left hand and started drawing. Tekni knew that Litvir was pretty good at drawing and art in general, so they understood Litvir being upset about missing their favourite lesson, and hoped the drawing would help Litvir organize their emotions.
As Litvir continued to draw though, Tekni got a little concerned.
“What is that?” Tekni asked, pointing at what looked like a glass tube with a very small Rethan inside it.
“Is me. When I was a baby-sized baby…” Litvir sighed as they started drawing other things. “I am… not supposed to tell people that I am very young. And was made in a lab. In a jar.”
“Well, some Rethans are made in jars at first!” Tekni reassuringly replied. “Some Rethans cannot have babies properly, so they go to a special medic who combines the egg and sperm together in glass apparatus and then puts them inside the mum so the egg can grow there. It is not that rare either.”
“I was not put inside the mum though. I stayed in the jar.”
“Again, that does happen sometimes. It is rare, but some Rethan eggs stay inside the jar for a long time until the egg gets hard enough to come out…”
Tekni trailed off, then better inspected what Litvir was now drawing. They became concerned when Litvir took a purple pencil and started colouring in what looked like a Rethan lying on the floor and, more worryingly, some sort of grave stone. One with Litvir’s name on it.
“Is that you?” Tekni pointed at what Litvir had drawn.
“Yes.”
“Why have you drawn yourself like that?”
“Because I do not like being alive and I do not like not understanding the universe around me. And I do not want to be bound to protecting the universe forever.”
“Do you wish to harm yourself?”
Litvir shrugged. “No. Am too cowardly. Stupid baby. I do not even know if I can die. Would like to die though. Better than this.”
Tekni frowned. “You are only 16 years old, that is a very young-”
“I am not 16 years old.”
“How old are you?”
Litvir fell silent briefly, then rather angrily scribbled on their piece of paper, ruining everything they had just drawn. “It is all pretending and lying. I am not a proper Rethan. I have no parents, I am made of mixed up DNA, I was a baby in a jar, I can hear people’s thoughts and I have only been alive for six stupid months. I am clearly a freak and a stupid baby and I do not fit in. And I have to constantly stop doing stuff to kill the stupid monsters that try to attack the universe. And for some stupid reason, not only do I have to keep it all a secret, so I do not get special attention, but I am also supposed to be a stupid deity in spite of my stupid age.
“And you know the worst part? I do not like all the being a normal Rethan either. Sure, I am good at school stuff, and I made a friend. But I am sad no matter what I do. I just wish I was an egg again. But I was not even actually an egg.”
Tekni didn’t respond at first. They handed Litvir a new sheet of paper, which Litvir started drawing on. Tekni noticed that Litvir was slightly calmer now. They had wanted to say all that for a while now.
“Well, no wonder you are so upset…”
“It feels very stupid, whenever I say it out loud.”
“It is stupid. But it is not your fault. I am so sorry that you are stuck in such an awful position, and that you have not been given the help you need.”
“I get given some of it. I have others that support me. I feel like a burden though. Especially since I feel I have to protect everyone, on top of me mostly hating both god-life and actual-life. Being… not here, not alive, I would not have to, well, exist. This time off was supposed to help me feel more like everyone else. It helped at first, but the more I look at things, the more I just… feel hollow.”
Litvir sniffed, then went back to drawing, falling completely silent. Tekni continued to watch Litvir for a bit. After a moment of thought, Tekni pulled out their keys, then took one key off the chain. They placed it on the table in front of Litvir.
“You like art, yes?”
“Yes. It is my favourite thing.”
Tekni smiled, then took a sheet of paper and started writing on it.
“I am giving you special permission to come here and do art whenever you want. You are clearly going through a lot right now, and your emotions are everywhere. But if you feel sad, you can come here and do some art to make you feel better. As long as you tidy up when you are done, and that you lock the door, you are free to use this classroom and its supplies as much as you need. I cannot help you with your big problems, but I can at least help you calm down and let you do things you like.”
Tekni signed their name on the piece of paper and handed it and the key to Litvir.
“T-thank you.”
“No worries. Stay here for a bit, I will go and get some workyballs for you to try and will bring them back here. Then we can do some more art. We can invite your friend Miisa too, if you want.”
Litvir sniffed and wiped their eyes again, getting rid of their tears. “I appreciate that. Thank you…”