Fertility Offers

Yisini smiled to herself as she sneaked up on her little brother, Arkadin. He knew Yisini was there, but Arkadin was pretending to ignore her. He was waiting until Yisini got really close, until Yisini was almost breathing down his back.

“Hi, sis.”

The Allbirther leaped back in shock. “HOW DID YOU KNOW? HOW DID YOU KNOW I WAS HERE?”

Arkadin finished what he was doing. He had been burying corpses and spreading a little bacteria here and there, which would decay the bodies and turn the soil all around into fertile mulch for the growing of various flora.

“Because we’re both gods and you’re a giant purple naga?” Arkadin shrugged.

“Yeah but… I was invisible in the visible light spectrum!” Yisini protested. “And I floated so I made no footprints!”

Arkadin tutted. “I can see most light spectrums, including infrared and ultraviolet. That and you stink of pheromones.”

Yisini fell silent, not sure how to respond. Clearly sneaking up on the Lord of Death was harder than Yisini anticipated, but at least she had a few new ideas for next time. The Allbirther remained silent while Arkadin fiddled around with a packet of antibacterial wet-wipes, cleaning off his hands before placing the used wipes in a pouch on the little black bag tied around his waist.

“Why not just throw-”

“They’re not biodegradable.”


Again, Yisini fell silent. But her silence was only brief as she finally remembered why she wanted to speak to Arkadin. There was something bothering her, something guaranteed to annoy the Thantophor.

“Uh, brother?”

“Yes?” Arkadin asked as he packed away his shovel. It folded up neatly, firstly into a long stick, then into a little tiny rod which he attached to a small belt. “Is something wrong?”

“You could, uh, say that…” Yisini looked around anxiously. “Uh, you know the whole thing on that Rethan planet with the EMP?”

“Yes?” Arkadin tutted, his mood souring. “What about it?”

“Uh… were there many deaths?”

The Thantophor tutted again, not answering the question. He picked up his remaining tools then lifted himself into the air, having spotted smoke in the distance. Yisini had only just realised that Arkadin was dealing with the aftermath of a small conflict between two uncivilized races. Maybe she should have made the locals less… aggressive?

“There were enough deaths.”

“Enough for me to warrant increasing fertility among Rethavok?”


“Should I make them all turned on and increase their reproductivity?” Yisini repeated herself. “You know, to bolster the population! After all, a bunch of them died!”

“It wasn’t that bad. Just infuriating that Kenon acted in such an imprecise manner when he normally tells us to be as precise as possible!” Arkadin both exclaimed and explained at the same time. “I have to be careful, not to kill too many and do so in a manner that is clean and accurate and then he blows up an EMP over a technologically advanced planet, throwing half of it into darkness!”

“That… doesn’t answer my question…” Yisini shrugged. “Do you want me to boost their population or not?”


Yisini frowned. “Really?”

“I don’t want you to boost their population.”

“Oh. Okay.” Yisini slithered off. “I’ll just… I’ll just have to find somewhere else to dump this atmosphere’s worth of aphrodisiacs…”

Arkadin blinked. “What?”

“Oh, nothing…” Yisini smiled as she disappeared into the undergrowth. “Nothing at all…”