Forty Burgers

“You gotta stop getting me takeaway food…” Kohra muttered as he eyed a third cheeseburger. “You’re gonna make me fat…”

“But I like treating you!” Arkadin smiled. If Kohra hadn’t known that Arkadin was a god, he would have assumed he was a bottomless pit, considering that the little, yellow, Skyavok-shaped being in front of him had eaten seven cheeseburgers so far and was working on his eighth. “Plus it was buy three, get five free at that Cheesy Bees place. I couldn’t say no to that!”

“Well…” Kohra reached for that third burger, then changed his mind. “Well, you can.”

“Well yeah, of course I can. But I’m a god so I said yes.”

Kohra closed his eyes, then glanced at the pile of cheeseburgers. Kohra had eaten two. Arkadin just finished his eighth. There were 30 burgers left. Because the black hole sitting in front of Kohra had decided to buy 40 burgers.

“I suppose it’s lunch tomorrow…” Kohra sighed as he took that third burger, changing his mind again. “Whatever we don’t eat, that is.”

“We’ll see. I’m hungry.”

Kohra stared at Arkadin. “Really? I thought you said you didn’t like being hungry?”

“I don’t. But heavy, starchy carbohydrates and meat do a pretty good job of getting rid of that hunger. Because there’s different kinds of hunger, you know? Plus, you could do with being fattened up.”

Why did the Thantophor say that just as Kohra decided to bite into his burger? He put the burger down and stared at Arkadin again. “What the fuck did you just say?”

Arkadin shrugged, then apologised. “Sorry, but if get you to put on a few kilos, then Kairos might lose interest in you, meaning I can stop you from being killed in one of his dumb crusades. Him picking you up alongside Phovos, that Temthan and the sexy little Skyan wasn’t a coincidence. Kairos does that a lot.”

“And your solution to stop Kairos from using me is to make me fat?”

“Uh, yeah. Better than breaking your legs or giving you a disease or something. You can fix being fat. Kronospasts way more than other races because you’re basically 20% glucose anyway.”

Kohra sighed. Arkadin helped himself to more burgers, stuffing two into his mouth at the same time. Also on the table were two large cups of caramel soda. Kohra’s one was sugared, Arkadin’s one was diet. While Kohra sipped his drink, he wondered why the Death Lord was having diet drinks.

“Because the sugar makes me hungrier…” Arkadin muttered. “Oh. Sorry. I didn’t realise you were just thinking that…”

“Are you reading my mind all the time?” Kohra snapped.

“No!” Arkadin stuttered. “It’s just… I can constantly hear everything and I forget to block it out sometimes! It’s a really easy mistake to make.”

Kohra tutted and got up from his chair. Arkadin flailed as he tried to follow.

“Kohra, I’m really sorry! I promise I won’t get you fat and I’m sorry I accidentally read your mind! You’re not angry, right?”

“I am a bit…” Kohra remained where he was, standing up with his cup of soda in his hand. “I think maybe the whole staying with you think might be a bit too much.”

The Thantophor sighed. “You’re probably right. I’m not meant to spend time with mortals anyway. But I really like having you as a friend! This whole thing, I know it’s been weird and awkward but it’s been so good for me! I can compromise though. I’ll cut out the weird stuff. I’ll…”

Kohra didn’t know what to say. After a brief thought and a sip on his drink, Kohra relented. Sure, it was weird, but he had a Death God living with him. A deity willing to buy food and drinks and keep the house tidy while Kohra was at work.

Eventually, Kohra sat back down and finished the burger he’d started.

“You’re not angry with me?” Arkadin asked.

“Nah. Was just a misunderstanding. We’re cool.”

Arkadin smiled and sat down as well. “Thank you, mate.”

“No worries. Just ease up on the unhealthy takeaways.”

“Can I get takeaways if they’re healthy?”

Kohra shrugged. “Yeah, sure.”