“What are you two snickering about?” Retvik asked as he entered the dormitory, taking off the heavier parts of his armour. He had just finished his guard duty shift and was looking forward to a bit of piece and quiet but Tenuk and Kohra were both taking up the main living space, giggling at each other.
“Oh, nothinnnng!” Tenuk laughed as Kohra showed him something, causing him to laugh even more. “Oh heck! That’s so darn cute!”
“What is cute?” Retvik asked, approaching the two Kronospasts. He wasn’t sure whether he liked Tenuk spending more and more time as a Kronospast. Retvik wasn’t used to it, but what made things more awkward was that Retvik had always considered Kronospasts to be enemy combatants, permanent spies. And here were two of them, sitting around completely undisguised.
“Nothing…” Tenuk repeated.
“Surely it has to have some value,” Retvik tutted. “Otherwise you would not be giggling like kids.”
Kohra leaned back and waved at Retvik, hinting that he come over. “Alrighty, we’ll show you. You know what Thropes are, right?”
Retvik paused. He… sort of knew what they were? He knew that the term ‘Thrope’ covered a range of similar species, but as far as he was concerned, they were mostly planet-bound beings restricted to a handful of locations in Kronospast territory, with no access to the greater universe.
“I guess?”
“They call themselves humans. Well, some of them do.”
“They’re insanely cute!” Tenuk interrupted. “Squishy and fleshy, but also so full of themselves. But they’re also insanely self-destructive, so the ones that haven’t blown themselves up via nuclear armageddon, we keep completely isolated. Because they would almost certainly attempt to blow up any other race they see.”
Retvik eyed Kohra and Tenuk nervously. “That does not explain why you two were giggling…”
Kohra held up a little tablet with a screen on it. On the screen were videos of fluffy animals doing silly things, as well as various paragraphs of text.
“They have overbred animal companions into living toys, what is so amusing about that?”
“It’s a ball of fluff falling down some stairs, can’t you see the hilarity in that?” Tenuk asked, stifling more giggles. “They also write so many shitty jokes and hilariously stupid fiction about nonsensical scenarios!”
Retvik remained standing, not really following. “How do you mean?”
“Well…” Tenuk snatched the tablet from Kohra and went back a few screens. “Here’s a story about how humans… that’s what these Thropes call themselves… how they appear in all these situations with other races, and these other races are completely clueless.” After a few more taps, Tenuk thrust the tablet into Retvik’s hands. Retvik eyed the tablet suspiciously, then started reading.
After a few moments, Retvik sighed and handed the tablet back. “This is retarded.”
“What is?”
“These Thropes are assuming that other races have never faced hardships. Talking about how a human is unique in how it can can deal with both hot and cold temperatures? Non-existent ‘aliens’ being confused by basic emotions? The inability to understand warm and cold foods? This is all retarded, illogical fiction!”
Tenuk shrugged. “It’s just a joke. No need to take it all seriously.”
“It feels like a blatant insult to not just my own existence but that of every other race who has managed to leave their solar system…” Retvik sighed.
“Yeah but…” Kohra muttered, “the little furry things falling down stairs is cute, right?”
“I… I guess…” Retvik hesitated, before tutting and wandering off. “Whatever, enjoy your illogical stories. I need a shower.”