Kal’s Apologies

Lately, all six of Kal hadn’t had a chance to sit down together, but, all of a sudden, they did. Thank yet again to the person who had made them all individuals. And now they finally had a chance to catch up with Arkay. But they were doing so together, because, despite being pretty powerful individuals, they were all a little nervous currently.

“How you doing, guys?”

Arkay wasn’t doing much currently, he was just sitting on the beach, making sand castles. Now he was no longer a slave, Arkay had been doing almost random things, making the most of the fact that he didn’t really have a job or anything any more. At some point, he was going to start learning new Thantir duties, he’d start working alongside everyone else, but Retvik and Litvir were adamant that Arkay just… relax for a bit. They had things under control. Arkay needed a holiday. And he was taking it.

But Arkay did notice the unease all six of Kal were emitting. They lacked facial features, but their crystalline eyes were dim and their telepathic aura was obvious.

“Uh… um… we…” Tah stuttered, struggling to choose words. “We are sorry for saying we should have killed you.”

“Yeah, because, well…”

“We were cold and emotionless…”

“We are genuinely sorry.”

“We’re… like… we were supposed to kill you… You genuinely turned yourself into a Corruption…”

Arkay looked the six little robots up and down, firstly admiring his handiwork. About four years ago, Arkay had mimicked Life Goddess powers and had built Kal’s current mechanical bodies, after they had saved him from being filled with painful Kenic Spores. Before then, they had shared two of their original bodies, but one of those bodies was wheelchair-bound and the other was badly damaged.

“Hey, guys. Take a moment to calm down. How are you all doing?”

“What?” Nuh clicked. “How we are doing isn’t important. How you are doing is.”

“We’re fine…” Koh answered in Nuh’s place. “We’re worried about you.”

“I appreciate that, but I’m fine. I think. Still rather shell shocked…”

“A lot of things did happen…” Leh admitted.

“A lot has happened. I still don’t believe it. I’m somehow… back here.”

Gah clicked happily. “You’re back here! We missed you!”

“Well, they missed you… Nuh tutted.

“Ignore him. Nuh’s being stupid.”

“I’m not. Of course we didn’t miss you. I don’t think we spoke again after you gave us our bodies. I’m so thankful though. It’s amazing not having to share with these idiots.”

Arkay smiled and shrugged. “Well, you saved me, I saved you. That’s how it works out here, right?”

“I guess… What I said is true though.”

“No, you’re being an idiot!” Tah whacked Nuh on the arm. “We did miss Arkay!”

“What’s new there? I am the dumb one… Sorry, I’m just… things are weird right now.”

The old Thantophor clearly wasn’t too bothered. “It’s fine. You can say that you didn’t miss me. I mean, you’re right, we barely saw each other. I made you your new bodies. And then I disappeared.”

“Yeah, but you’re back now!” Gah cheered. “Do you remember when we fixed you up? The second time? We came to your universe and we saw your friend Ret, and your time dragon. How is he doing?”

“I have no idea. I haven’t seen him since…like… before all this happened…” Arkay frowned slightly, realizing that he’d not be seeing any of his sibling deities for a while. Sure, they imprisoned him and stuff, but he still… kinda liked them.

“Yeah but how was he before you left? Still grumpy and mean?”

“Uh… I guess… He does his own thing. But no I don’t remember. The others erased my memory. I lost an entire damn year. All of it. Every damn memory…”

“Why though?” None of Kal understood. But the idea of forgetting scared them a little. They were machines, mostly, they remembered everything, and could back up their memories if they needed to.

“Because I was misbehaving.”

“That doesn’t make sense. Why would they take your memories away? Why would that make you behave better? That’s stupid!” Leh protested.

“Yes, but this is my siblings, we’re talking about. They’re not exactly the nicest folks. You’ve met my sister. And you’ve met my brother. You only haven’t met my older sister.”

Tah shrugged. “We met Sini, helped her remove… you from her arm… But she kept on calling me Koh and I don’t know why.”

“Oh…” Koh just worked it out. “She did meet me and Leh. But at the time, I was using your body, Tah. When the Golden Defenders kept on attacking.

“I don’t remember, it was a long time ago…” Arkay frowned. “Oh wait… Was it when I was a Decayling myself? And I was sitting in a hammock and Koh silenced everyone and asked me what I really wanted?”

“You said your memories were erased…” Nuh muttered.

“Not all of them. Just a full year is completely gone. There’s… other stuff…”

“I see, you remember some things?”

Arkay sighed, then pushed down his sand castle in vague annoyance. “Some things. Not everything. Not as much as I would like. Mostly I only remember things when I see something that brings up a memory. And I have… three universes’ worth of memories buried in my skull. But the ones that do pop up on the regular are awful memories and it hurts that I only remember bad things…”

Tah thought for a moment, then sat down on the sand next to Arkay. “That does suck. But it’s alright. We can make new memories! This is, what, chapter… seven? Thirteen? Forty two? Sixty nine? Who knows! But it’s a new one.”

“Well… I’m… trying to do that…”

“He’s struggling… Pah whispered. “You’re still hurting a little.”

“Yeah, I am. It’s difficult. Doesn’t feel real. Like, I keep on saying this, it feels like a dream. It… sometimes feels like I shouldn’t be here at all. But I am. And it’s…”

“Scary and new, yet old at the same time?” Gah suggested.

“Is there something bothering you right now?” Koh asked. “You sound like there’s something in particular eating at you… We don’t need to check you for Corruption again, do we?”

“No, no… although I will admit, I am kinda scared that… I might turn again… That’s not what’s bothering me right now. And it’s not something you can help with.”

“Well, we want to help!”

“I know but this personal. And intimate. And… do you even understand these things?”

“Is it a romantic thing?” Leh clicked. “We don’t understand romance. It’s above us. We lived in a loveless universe.”

“That’s understandable. Plus, you’re robots. Don’t think you ever had that equipment, looking at your old original body, Tah.”

“Yeah but at the same time… you did, technically, make us…” Tah clicked awkwardly. “You could have given us official genders if you wanted to.”

“He made the new us. We’ve always been robots.”

“Only because you helped me. But also… well, even if you didn’t help me? I had the power back then to help someone else, even if I was a fucking mess. I had to do something.”

“And we really appreciate it!” Gah beamed. “We were sharing for like… I don’t know, a long time, before you fix us up.”

“And you didn’t have to. You just went and did it!” Nuh added. “Completely saved our bacon.”

“That phrase doesn’t really work when we don’t really have squishy parts…” Leh pointed out.

“Either way, it was at least I could do. You saved me!” Arkay explained. “They were going to put me out of my misery because I was too infected.”

“We were just doing our jobs though…” Leh tutted.

“We can do so much more though!” Koh brightened up. “Arkay, you didn’t just save us, you saved everyone that we saved because we have the power to do so now! We work more quickly and efficiently and… heck, the Thantir are doing what WE are doing! You put us down a path in which we could do so much more, to the point that we feel slightly less guilty about destroying our universe, and think we will, eventually, quantitatively make up for every life we silenced when we ended it all!”

Arkay eyed Koh somewhat. “You know you are talking to a former death god, right?”

“Eh, yeah. But you can help us. You’re one of the Thantir, you’re stupidly powerful and, like the rest of the Thantir, you can use that power to help people. And you’ve been trying to help people your entire life. Plus, there’s, like, two types of death gods! The ones that actually do kill folks, and the ones that shepherd others into a peaceful end so they can be renewed and reborn. Or recycled, if a universe didn’t have an afterlife like ours.”

Arkay took a deep breath, finding himself nodding in agreement. “You’re right, Koh. And you’re… also kinda right about something else… I’m having a memory, and I recall sitting on a hammock, talking to you… You said we’d work towards me becoming a Decay Lord and having my own ship.”

“By the Nest!” Nuh suddenly exclaimed. “You… want to go ship shopping?”

“Yeah, at some point. I’m enjoying just sitting right now.”

Nuh clicked enthusiastically. “Well, when you’re ready, hit us up! Tah, Pah and I would LOOOOVE to help you find the perfect ship!”

Arkay smiled, but that smile was brief. “I appreciate that, thanks. And I appreciate you six too. I forgive you all for wanting to kill me when I was a Corruption. I was hoping you would. Elkay performed a miracle. But if he hadn’t… You were all absolutely right, I wasn’t… there any more. I was waiting to die. Thankfully I didn’t.”

“You got a happy ending for once!” Gah seemed happier now that he knew Arkay understood.

“I did, yes. For once. But for now… do you mind leaving me be? I kinda need my peace and quiet.”

“Of course!” All six of Kal bowed. “See you later, Arkay!”

Five of them wandered off, but Koh stayed put briefly.

“Hey, Arkay?”

“Yes?”

“If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here, alright? Even if I don’t always understand.”

Arkay smiled again. “I appreciate that, Koh. Thank you.”

“No worries. Have a good one, Arkay…”