“I’m sorry.”
“Why are you saying sorry?”
“I don’t know. I just feel I should apologise to you.”
“Why? What have you done?”
“Nothing.”
“So why are you apologising?”
“Because I have done nothing.”
“I do not follow. You slept. You are not responsible for my actions. You have not done anything.”
“But I slept. I was oblivious to it all. To everything! All the pain and suffering and every little thing you did.”
“You were not to know. You slept. That is all.”
“That’s not the point! It doesn’t matter that I slept! You suffered! That entire time, goodness knows how long, you were suffering! You were in agony. Everything bad that could happen to you, you had to face it all!”
“Yes. But I still do not follow.”
“You suffered. When I should have suffered instead. Or maybe we should have suffered together. I mean… I’m the real me. You’re… I don’t know. You’re what carried on after I went to sleep. You just carried on being me, through hell and high water.”
“So?”
“You suffered. How long did you suffer for? I literally have no idea. I don’t think you know either. You just suffered endlessly. Forever and ever. And here I am. Suddenly awake. Like a split personality that has no fucking idea what every other personality has been through. Like a fucking drunk at a funeral.”
“You are not to blame.”
“I am not to blame? Well maybe I could have returned sooner. Maybe I could have spared you some fucking pain! Maybe I could have made your life a tiny bit better!”
“Then we both would have suffered.”
“But that’s better than suffering alone!”
“You would have not have made it. I tried to create other personalities. None of them survived. You only made it because you slept through it all.”
“You shouldn’t have been alone.”
“I was not always alone though. There is much you do not know. Not every moment was made of suffering. There were long stretches of averages. Of normality. There were times where I was genuinely happy, where I shared my life with others. You are wrong to think everything was bad.”
“But… The good doesn’t make up for so much bad…”
“It does not. And of course, there are things I would like to have changed. Pain I could have avoided. But I am glad that you are here, safe, with one who will protect and look after you. The real you. The real us. You were always the original. I was just a personality. Someone who took over after you buried yourself.”
“You talk as if you’re worthless.”
“I am not worthless. Just not… pure. But you are. You are in a good place now.”
“You though, what about you?”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re still here.”
“I am.”
“It’s not right.”
“No. Nothing is ever truly right. But my time has come. I can finally go to sleep. And I will sleep the same way you slept. Painlessly. Peacefully.”
“Is that what you want?”
“Yes.”
“Oh. Sorry. I’m…”
“Do not be sorry. None of this is on you. You were never to blame for anything.”
“I… I know… I think I’ll leave you alone now, is that alright? So you can go to sleep?”
“That is fine.”
“Okay… I hope you sleep well.”
“Thank you. And I hope you remain pure. Look after yourself now.”
“I will…”