“You look weirdly sleepy.”
Elkay grunted as he sat up straight. He and Phovos had just finished their blood donation session, and they were joined by Nyssi and Kayel, who had also offered to donate blood. Technically, Nyssi and Kayel had blood that was more potent against Corruption than Elkay did, but Elkay’s blood was gentler on the body.
“I am sleepy…” Elkay frowned. “I somehow trained myself to be sleepy and go to sleep during and after blood donations, because I dislike needles and normally Teekay pampers me afterwards, which makes me even sleepier.”
Nyssi shrugged. “Makes sense. Where is your girlfriend?”
“My husband, you mean.”
Nyssi eyed Elkay, both playfully and curiously. “Oh, so you’re the female?”
“Nyssi, leave the dude alone. You know us Threanics are all over the fucking place when it comes to genders and stuff!” Kayel tutted. He was feeling grumpy, the spot on his arm where the blood had been taken was sore, and Kayel felt a little dizzy. “And even then, fuck off, nothing wrong with Elkay calling the person he legally married by a gendered term.”
“It is fine, Kayel, you do not need to defend me, I am used to it…” Elkay grunted.
“You shouldn’t have to be used to it!” Kayel snapped. “You shouldn’t be mocked for loving someone!”
“Yes, I know, but I will be mocked anyway, I have learned not to care. They are missing out, not me.”
Nyssi inspected Elkay some more. Her eyes glowed briefly, but Nyssi realised what she was doing and immediately looked away, rubbing her eyes. Elkay noticed the odd behaviour, and so did Phovos.
“What was that about?” Phovos asked.
“Stupid brain doing telepathic stuff without me telling it to…” Nyssi frowned. “You are missing out. You’ve slept with more Skyavok than Rethavok and occasionally that bothers you. You’ve slept with the same number of Rethavok as Phovos.”
Phovos immediately glared at Nyssi. “Don’t.”
“Sorry, but my telepathy does shit like that sometimes. For you, there’s nothing wrong with that. But it bothers Elkay.”
Elkay sighed, then turned back to Nyssi and growled. “I am a mutant bastard child born from a bloodline Rethan who should not have existed! I remained celibate for seventy awful years until a curious Life Goddess stole me away, stripped me for parts then left me for dead! I did not have a CHANCE to form a relationship with another Rethan, and no one would have accepted anyway! Not only was I a freak, but I was a General too, so the relationships would have been uneven and unfair! So I never had the chance to sleep with another Rethan! And now it is way, way too fucking late to change that!”
“Mate, celibacy is a choice.”
“It is. And it was a stupid choice on my part. But look at me, I am utterly hideous by Rethan standards. Even if I had not made a stupid choice, no one would have ever considered me that way, I spent most of my life being partially asexual and the first crush I had was on a stupid death god, two months before Yisini ruined my life, and she ruined my life BECAUSE of that stupid crush.”
Kayel leaned across the table. “Dude, it’s fine. Ignore Nyssi, she’s being a bitch. Sometimes life gets in the way and you don’t get to try things. Plus, you’ve slept with one Rethan, right? That’s plenty. Tanos hasn’t slept with any Spasts. Don’t think Akah has slept with anyone either. But who cares?”
Elkay leaned back and sighed. “That is the problem. I care. You do not think it bothers me that the only Rethan willing to sleep with me is Litvir? And the only reason we slept together is because Retvik ditched him and he got lonely?”
Kayel shrugged. “Alright, fair enough, you do care. But I suppose at least you can increase that number from one to three.”
Everyone at the table stared at Kayel.
“What?”
“I am certain neither Ret nor Kuta are interested…” Elkay tutted.
“They might be!” Kayel smiled. “Kuta might be, at least. Kuta’s into a lot of interesting stuff. And technically Ret’s only slept with two Rethans, he might want to increase his count to three too.”
“It’s weird stuff!” Nyssi rolled her eyes. “They’re into kinks.”
“BDSM isn’t that kinky, really. But, like, sure, you say you’re not attractive in the eyes of old-universe Rethans, but you look pretty damn normal for a new-universe Rethan. You’re the same height as Kuta and you have the right colour eyes. Sure, you’re a little skinny but you’re perfectly passable as a new-universe Rethan. Ret might not be sure because you remind him of Relkir, but I’m sure Kuta would like a piece of you.”
“It is still weird…” Elkay muttered, sinking in his seat. “This is weird…”
“I thought new-universe Rethans were as monogamous as old ones though?” Phovos asked. “I mean, Retvik only recently got over that notion because Elksia and Tenuk convinced him to sleep with them… Actually, now I think about it, Retvik’s technically a right freak. He slept with me, he slept with those two, he slept with Seimeni, he’s slept with all sorts. Elkay, you’re really not as bad as you think. And Kayel’s probably right, Kuta at the very least might consider things.”
“I doubt it,” Nyssi exclaimed. “Kuta and Ret are tight.”
“Nah, I think they’d be interested!” Kayel countered. “Plus, Kuta likes experimenting in the bedroom. I think a third person might be fun.”
Nyssi was unconvinced. “I don’t think they’d do it.”
“Alright, fine!” Kayel reached into a pocket in his stomach wrap, grabbed a piece of paper and a very small pencil, then scribbled something down. “I bet you twenty quid at the very least Kuta would be willing to sleep with Elkay.”
“Fine!” Nyssi hissed. “Twenty quid neither of them will say yes!” Nyssi turned to Phovos. “You want to bet too?”
“Nope, no fucking way. I lost 30k Deathvenbucks when I bet that Retvik would never sleep with Elksia and Tenuk…”
Phovos suddenly paused, then glanced to her side. Elkay was gone, having clearly gotten up and teleported away.
“Well, well, well!” Nyssi grinned. “Looks like you owe me a twenty!”
Kayel crossed his arms. “For all we know, Elkay teleported off to speak to Kuta. Gotta give it time.”
“I’m giving you a week.”
“Fine!” Kayel tutted as he got up. “I’m going to go and see if Teekay’s busy. See you later, bitches.”