Serpentine Offer

“Good day, little ones!” Yisini beamed as she coiled herself around the small, concrete bunker, blocking the front door “May I come in?”

The occupants of this bunker both struggled to find an answer. One of them was absolutely terrified – after all, a massive serpent was currently stopping them from leaving the building, trapping them inside. The other occupant seemed to just tut in annoyance.

Realising what she was doing wrong, Yisini shrunk down, letting go of the building and tidied herself up, before cheerfully knocking on the door.

“May I come in now?”

The door opened, just a little. An armoured, greenish snout appeared.

“I would prefer it if you did not come in, but I assume you won’t be giving Teekay or myself an option to say no, correct?”

Yisini shrugged. “Well, yeah, I’m gonna force my way in no matter what. I’m just being polite right now, giving you an illusion of choice. So, can I come in?”

After a long, drawn out sigh, the door opened completely, revealing the occupants. One of them was an obviously very scared Skyavok, with middling grey skin and almost luminescent orange and silver plating. The other occupant… well, at first glance, you could have called them a Skyavok, but they had obviously Rethan features – heavier armour plating and much duller in colouring.

“Come in, Allbirther.”

Yisini beamed and slithered her way inside, only to frown at the interior design of this building. It was a house, yes, but it was so utterly boring. All function, no style. She wanted to complain, but she didn’t want to offend the nice couple that had allowed her inside. Plus, that wasn’t why she was here. With a quick glance around, Yisini sat herself down on one of the two chairs in the room, stretching out her tail.

“Thank you, little Elkay! You may be wondering why I am here today!”

“I am. You do not normally show up on one’s doorstep.”

Elkay was clearly keeping the little Skyavok close, protecting them from harm. It occurred to Yisini that maybe he was in some way romantically involved with this Skyavok. After all, what other reason was there for a Rethavok and a Skyavok to share accommodation, especially when the rest of the town was empty.

“Oh, it’s quite simple. I want to offer you a job.”

“I have a job.”

“It’s a job for both you and your girlfriend here. Or rather, a future job.”

Elkay closed his eyes, sighing again. He knew better than to question the Allbirther’s words. The last time he had met this particular deity, he… hadn’t fared too well. But since the Allbirther didn’t seem too aggressive, he might as well play along.

“Very well, let us hear your offer.”

“I want to make you, and all other Kiniseon beings, into demi-gods.”

A small “what?” escaped from Teekay’s mouth, which he very quickly covered in a slight panic. Elkay just tutted, not believing the Allbirther.

“That’s the simple way of putting it. The complicated way is that… well, Kairos is doing his potential future research stuff and he’s bringing up some crazy shit. Shit involving the universe expanding rapidly and us deities needing… well, other deities. And frankly, I think making mortals into gods is possible… in a way…”

Yisini paused, waiting for a reaction, then decided to continue.

“Okay, I’m probably confusing you both. But you two are… not normal mortals. I’m sure you figured that out already, Elkay, but the same applies to you, little Skyan. That’s why you’re attracted to each other, and why that Banikan down the road has stayed nearby and why that damn Ksithan keeps on messaging you. You’re all made out of some kinda stuff Kinisis made and now I’m catching on to what she did and I need to work with you…”

“Why?” Elkay asked. “Why are we suddenly important?”

“Because it turns out we may have had a solution to the mortal problem all along and Kinisis kept it from me. But I can’t do anything about any of you because Kinisis doesn’t like me playing with her stuff. So if I can get… a confirmation now that you allow me to work with you, I stay on Kinisis’s good side and also work out how I can make all of this work for everyone.”

“What do you mean by… this?” Teekay muttered, wriggling free from Elkay’s protective embrace. “Are you talking about making things immortal?”

“Yeah, basically!” Yisini admitted. “Arky had this great idea before he got sealed away and I realized I already had a lot of the components needed to-”

“Arkadin got sealed away?”

The Allbirther hesitated. “Uh, yeah. I forget you mortals aren’t supposed to know… Well, uh, yeah, Arkadin got sealed away and all the deathy stuff is now kinda automatic.”


“It’s… complicated. And to do with Kinisis. Who is… also being complicated. That’s beside the point. Can I get a promise from you both that, if I need to, I can get you to cooperate with me and my experiments?” Yisini reached into a magical pocket and pulled out two sheets of somewhat sticky paper. She gently left them on the nearby table. “I have contracts.”

“I want to read those contracts and discuss them first!” Teekay suddenly snapped. “Preferably with a lawyer or something.”

“Sure!” Yisini beamed. “Of course! Perfectly fair! Just let me know when you’ve decided, okay?”

“How do we do that?”

Yisini shrugged. “Eh, I dunno. Just shout my name and I’ll pop by. Speaking of which, I have other beings to visit. Toodles!”

Before Elkay or Teekay could say or do anything, Yisini disappeared, leaving them both very confused…