Kayen was absolutely terrified. In the last five hours, he had been teleported across the universe, met the terrifying being known as the Raptor, met a horrific Temthan who was capable of the same telepathy Kayen was, realised they werd working with the Dragon God of time and had been told that they had been chosen to go on an impossible adventure. Now they were standing in front of an apartment in Portalia City, talking to a Kronospast disguised as a Rethavok, but who somehow wasn’t the famous Tenuk Diplastron Theanon. Nope, it was just his brother, some guy called Kohra, who apparently split his rent bills with the Dark Lord of Death. Also with them was a Time Dragon who was clearly too big to fit in the hallway but was using some form of time fuckery to not actually be there.
“Now you mention it…” Timik, the Temthan Warlord with telepathic powers who was almost as frightening as the Raptor, shrugged awkwardly. “That does sound rather crazy.”
Kohra and Phovos were busy talking to the Time Dragon. Kohra was the last mortal to see the Thantophor, apparently. He’d popped to the shops to get some drinks and never came back. Kohra didn’t seem at all bothered at first, assuming the Death God had gotten distracted on the way and had to do stuff. It turns out the Death God had been captured and imprisoned.
“It’s fucking insane!” Kayen gasped. “I feel like this all because I wanted to change to K-Class and the universe has suddenly broken.”
“Probably just coincidence…” Timik shrugged again. “Any idea why they picked you?”
“No fucking idea!” Kayen hissed, then paused. “Who’s that coming up the stairs?”
A black and yellow Skyavok appeared, carrying a bag filled with cans and bottles.
“What the fuck, Kairos, what the fuck are you doing?”
The Skyan shoved the bag into Kohra’s hands and turned to the Time God.
“Ah, brother… You’re not…”
“No. Just no. You’re not doing this. None of you are. It’s not happening.”
“What’s not happening?” Kayen whispered.
The Skyan stared at him, then growled. “Were you going to get a set of four mortals to rescue me? Do you even have original ideas? I swear, everyone is fucking retarded! You’re retarded if you think these guys can properly work together the way they are right now, with no shared experiences. Yisini and Epani are just all round fucking retards with their dumb, retarded ideas of war and their inability to share. And Kenon? He’s retarded all over. DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE DID?”
Kairos shoved the mortals into Kohra’s apartment and closed the door.
“Arka-”
“No, don’t you dare sweet talk me. You know Kenon stole my poor Dessaron friends and turned them into mindless guards? They would have torn your four idiots apart! I’m thankful I managed to reverse the process but still! Kenon put the whole universe at risk as well! He HAD to free me because of a fucking corruption HE couldn’t deal with!”
Kairos tried to calm his brother down. “Why don’t you tell me what happened?”
“It’s all fucking retarded!” Arkadin roared. “I had to threaten them! To get the other gods to stop being retards!”
“Well, they kinda were being retards…”
“Yes, well, that’s all on hold now. I threatened them and they said they’d put their plans on hold. Everything is on hold. For now. Because I literally only just made myself happy and I just want to be happy for a bit. You all can hold off on your dumb shit for a while.”
Arkadin took a deep breath, then grunted and walked off, back down the hallway. “I forgot to buy an energy drink for myself.”
Once the Thantophor was gone, Kairos opened the door to the apartment.
“Sorry, folks…” the Time Lord sighed.
“Was that all for nothing?” Timik asked.
“Yep. I’ll see you all soon.”
Kairos disappeared. Everyone stood in silence.
“Well piss!” Kayen suddenly shouted. “How the fuck am I going to explain this to my superiors? All this messing around has RUINED my chances at becoming a K-Class!”
“I am so fired for abandoning my post…” Timik muttered.
Phovos put an arm around Kayen. “I resigned from my job for this. But don’t worry, I can pull some strings and get you both jobs here.”
“Oh. That works…” Kayen grunted. “Still, this was all a weird, fucked up waste of time…”
“Hey!” Kohra suddenly interrupted. “You guys all want a drink?”
“Sure, why not?”