Dear Diary,
This is my final entry here for now.
I’ve been sitting here in my room for about an hour trying to work out what the fuck to write. Still struggling.
The special someone I met was Elisia Redspine. She is the current empress of the Temthans and rules over a good twenty billion individuals. The ship we are currently on is her personal ship. All this is hers.
A large, red Temthan led me into a room with her and sat me down, with her sitting on a large throne. Wasn’t a large room, actually rather humble if it wasn’t for all the gold and silver, and the small fountains of various drinks.
The first thing she did was remove every excess item of armour and clothing then throw herself at me. I was in too much shock to even try and fight back, because she’s probably the most beautiful Temthan I have ever seen. I didn’t even know she was the empress until she told me so. Oh and she’s… like me. Elisia called it the Dual Gift, and repeatedly said how long she had been waiting to meet someone like me who also has both parts. In hindsight maybe I should have struggled a little because she was quite rough with me but I don’t know, I guess it felt somewhat homely and definitely more familiar than some of my other, um, meetings.
Once we were both finished, Elisia let me wash myself in one of the fountains while she decided to lick herself clean. I… don’t get why Temthans do that. Only when she considered herself completely done did she introduce herself. I told her that normally Rethans introduce one another by telling each other their names and saying hello, but I realised just how lonely Elisia was. She actually apologised to me (first time for everything) and was just so eager she couldn’t help herself.
We started talking and she explained a lot of things. Like a Xentress is essentially a ‘xenon’ Raptess, basically a Raptess of another species. Apparently they hadn’t had a proper Xentress in decades. She told me what my duties as a Xentress were, that I’m essentially living proof that all races under the Temthan empire are equal, and to be an advisor to the Empress herself. Although I found out afterwards that there are very few other races in their empire, mostly just variants of Temthans. In reality, I’m just here for Elisia’s desires.
Then I did the smart thing and asked about any enemies she had. She told me about this race called Spasts, which she claimed were horrible unbelievers, but she considered them a non-threat and left it at that. It seems like Elisia is more interested about home affairs, and no wonder, everyone in her empire seems to love her, and she said it herself that no other race attempts to mess with her. Elisia did ask if I could accompany her to a meeting in three days with a Spast leader, and of course I agreed.
Half way through our meeting, a couple of huge, beautifully muscular male Temthans walked in, carrying huge trays covered in meat mostly. They offered both the food and themselves to us. I think Elisia wanted me to accept them but I was full and looked it, so she told them to come back later. Most of our conversation was her explaining religious things to me. But honestly I… I still don’t get it. Normal Temthans worship the Lady of the Cycle by having two large meals a day and having sex at least once a week. Then there’s Raptorans, prime examples of male Temthans who guard places the Holy Temples and the Empire. The Raptesses are expected to either live with the Empress or in their Holy Temples where they make offerings, give advice and lend a hand to those who ask for it. A philvokanic idea in principle if it wasn’t for the copious amounts of food, sex and drugs they hand out during the end-of-the-week services and during celebrations.
Finally, the Empress asked me about my own race. I explained to her that we are kind, caring beings. I stretched some things. I told her that we believe in the Lady as well, and that we are not worth attacking or anything like that. She asked if we were an independent race and I said yes. She seemed satisfied and promised me that she would leave the Rethans alone.
For that alone, I think all this has been worth it.
If I ever get home, I’ll probably reread this in the future, or someone else will read this, and think I sold myself out to the Temthans. And whoever does read this, they’re probably right. But no one can understand what has happened to me, and what I’ve seen, what I’ve experienced. Yes, I accepted their tricks and ways and religious thoughts. Yes, I am bound by a religion that I do not fully comprehend and have been dragged into against my will. Yes, I am being used. They treat me like a king though, and give me all I ask for. The Temthans consider me something worth worshipping. I sold out, but I sold my life and my independence for something far better – a life with no suffering, no pain and all the food, sex and drugs I don’t want but kinda do at the same time. I’m losing who I am and who I was, but in a gradual way so it doesn’t scare me so much. My memories are warped and my dreams are a mess.
This is no way for a Rethan to live but if this means the Rethans are safe from conquest, consumption, destruction or worse at the hands of a far bigger threat, then so be it.
I’m not sure when I’ll be able to write here again. I’ve been given a new notebook, one with words of prayer in it, that I’m expected to use instead of this. I will keep this though, with all my notes and scribbles. Maybe one day, the Xentress of Empress Elisia Redspine will find this little book and perhaps remember who they once were.
My name was Arkay Theanon, daughter of Kayel and Psivee-En, member of the K-Class Ksa and one of the four Dessaron. I am now Xentress Arkai of the Temthan Empire.
Farewell.