I thought I’d be dead by now. Then again, I’d only know for certain when I end up back in Kinigi. It can’t be long now.
Things are moving. Around me. Over me. Inside me. All I can smell and taste is my own blood. All I can hear is my heart, slowly beating. Each beat is a small miracle of its own. There is nothing to see. I am thankful of that. My body is numb. My body is not my own. He has had his way with me and left me here in the dark, slowly bleeding away. But I don’t care. It all brings me closer to death. The sooner the better, really.
But there is another sensation beneath it all. Voices. Not like that of Psivee-En, who haunted me for all those years. No, this is different. This is my own soul, splintering off, fracturing into the many parts of me. A side effect of my torture, I can only imagine.
What they say intrigues me. Many of the voices tell me to give up, to let death take me away, to go down the river and spend eternity on the hunt. I want to agree with them. But there is one voice, just one, that tells me to cling on. It won’t say why. It promises something amazing. All I have to do is survive for a little longer.
How long a little longer is, I don’t know. The other voices all squabble, screeching about lies and agony and pain and death. I’ve lived through all of those. This feels different. And so what if this one voice is lying, who cares? In a few hours, I’ll be dead anyway.
Not that anything matters any more. Blood is pouring out of me. So are several other bodily fluids. Not even the Light knows what the monster will use them for. Maybe he’ll turn me into a Cassidstein monster. Knowing my luck though, my body will end up enthralled and denied a proper burial, doomed to spend forever satisfying the monster’s sick, twisted pleasures.
I have to stop thinking those thoughts. I have to just let go. Think about all my regrets, rather than thinking about what ifs. I should have called my kids. Told them I was alive. They could have helped me.
Doesn’t matter. It’ll be over soon. A little longer, a little longer.
How long ago did the voice whisper that to me? A while ago. Must have been.
It feels colder in here. I’m surprised I can feel anything. But cold is now the only thing I can feel. I’m not breathing. My heart isn’t beating.
This must be it.
Time passes. Why am I not on Kinigi yet?
Suddenly, everything feels warm again. Energy pours through me. Light and shadow mingle. My senses combine and merge. I am overwhelmed with existence. My body is pulling itself together, and more. The voice that told me to wait, it is laughing.
I have the strength to move. The binds that held me down are gone. My raw flesh is protected by newly grown armour. My injuries, cuts, tears, bruises, everything, disappear, fading away.
A door opens up in front of me. Light floods into the room and I blink. It stings, but I can take it. The monster is standing there, as confused as I am.
“This is wrong! It wasn’t supposed to happen! The taint of the shadow should have left you! Fine! Remain tainted!”
The monster draws his weapon, but has no time to use it. I use my rejuvenated powers to pull him towards me. I wrap my claws around his throat and smile as I begin to squeeze.
“N-no…”
I hesitate. The monster looks so weak, kneeling in front of me, begging for his life. I should kill him for what he has done to me. Tear him to fucking pieces. I consider it, for a moment. Torturing him. Raping him. Murdering him. But I can’t. I’ve been here before. At a turning point. Ready to stoop down to their levels. I am better than that. Am I?
I am. But not much better.
I drag the monster across the floor and bind him, his arms tied behind him, his legs apart. Exposed. The same way I was bound. That is all I do. I leave him there. In the dark.
As I leave the hellhole I’d been trapped in, a flurry of thoughts fills my mind. I can feel new power in the tips of my fingers, flowing through my body. I have changed, physically and mentally. I am not just Kayel now. I am something more.
Part light, part shadow.