Shit.
I haven’t updated my journal in ages.
Like, ages ages.
Well, a few weeks.
A few months.
It’s not my fault. I’ve been really busy. I never thought being dead would be so hectic. Wait. Not dead. Unalive. Undead. I don’t know! There was never a proper term for a place between life and death, where one’s conscious exists but one also lacks a heart beat and proper internal organs.
Really, I should consider myself alive but in a new body. A transfer of consciousness. But that doesn’t explain how I originally got here, landing on a beach in my own body. Was it really my body though? What if I was cremated when I died? Or did Death actually go through the effort of recreating my body, just so she could mutate it into my new, Vethic form? Perhaps she stole my body or cloned it before anything more could happen? The problem is, I specifically remember the Veth Prime telling me his body was preserved and turned into a statue.
Maybe Death really DID clone or steal our bodies.
This is important. And it annoys me that I STILL haven’t worked these things out.
You see, the reason why I am so busy is because I am working on creating “update-able” Veth. The Veth that exist currently, they can be updated, but it basically involves throwing them in a pot, melting them down and reforming them. Assuming they allow for that to happen. The more powerful Veth like myself and the Veth Prime, we’re… too stubborn to allow that to happen. We like ourselves too much to allow Death to change who we are.
So that is why I am trying to make us different. I think adaptable is probably a better term. A genetic plug and play update that makes all Veth stronger without risking us losing what makes us singular beings.
There are some elements of losing ourselves though. Death still essentially controls what we are. If she really, really wanted to, she could turn us all into whatever she wanted, yet she has some sort of strange… honour about everything. It’s almost as if she wants things to occur naturally rather than get involved herself. Doesn’t stop her from sometimes suddenly turning us, myself included, into wild monsters.
Luckily though, I’ve only seen that, not experienced it. I am thankful for that. But at the same time, I am certain that I am slowly losing myself. I chatted with the Veth Prime the other day. We both died and became Veth at roughly the same time, in the grand scheme of things. He believed that he was losing touch with his former mortal self. I dismissed it as nonsense until I realised that he was right. The same thing was happening to me, but in a different way. I think, over time, I am losing my intellect. Or my intellect is mutating and changing. I’m forgetting old biological facts and replacing them with new ones.
I’m not sure whether I should be worried or not. Alright, knowing the ins and outs of the human digestive system and how to implant baboon uteri into human test subjects is cool, but there are no humans here. Only Veth.
All that being said, the last two weeks, it’s been… quieter. I’ve still been really busy with my work, but I don’t have Death constantly watching over me. When Death IS around, things are still reasonably quiet. As if she’s been giving us more space and freedom. Where she has been going, I have no idea. According to the higher Veth Continuity, she is seeking therapy or something, but that seems insane. She’s Death Herself. Why would she need therapy?
The peace and quiet is nice though. And the other Veth appreciate it. We’ve managed to do a lot of tidying up and reorganizing and I think the other Veth are more open to me now.
Anyway, I should get back to work. I’ll try write here more often.
See you soon!