“Hello, are you busy right now?”
Phovos glanced at her little communicator, then sighed. She had just finished her work and was too tired to really do anything.
“No. Kinda. Dunno.”
Another message appeared. “Are you well?”
“No.”
“Oh. Do you want to talk?”
Phovos sighed some more, re-reading the messages that Retvik had sent her. Nothing special, just his normal basic friendliness. Looking at her own clock, she realized that Retvik was probably about to start his own work shift soon. Which meant that their conversation was probably going to be brief.
“I don’t know. It’s a lot of things. And I don’t want to dump all my pain on you right now. I do that too much anyway.”
“I am here to listen, if you want to vent.”
Yet more sighs. Phovos did have a lot on her mind, but she really didn’t want to share those thoughts with Retvik. The beautiful red and gold Rethan didn’t deserve to be hit in the face with how Phovos was feeling.
“I don’t want to.”
“Why?”
“I… I don’t know.”
“Is something wrong?”
“Kinda.”
Three small dots appeared at the bottom of Phovos’s communicator, suggesting that Retvik was writing something. After about a minute, a paragraph of text appeared.
“I really do not have any issues in you venting your anger at me, or any of your other problems right now. We are friends, that is what friends are for. I am happy to listen, and I know you would do the same for me if our roles were reversed.”
“Yeah, I know…” Phovos replied. “But I still feel bad. All I seem to do is drag other people down with me. I’m exhausted and constantly hungry, and positive emotions have been very fleeting for me.”
“If it was an issue, we would tell you.”
Phovos tutted. “See, I don’t believe that, I don’t believe in any of these things. Of course you are willing to listen, but nothing ever changes, and I can’t seem to get myself out of this damn vicious circle.”
“Phovos, you are an amazing being.”
“I don’t believe that.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know!” Phovos bit her tongue, trying not to shout out loud. “I am a shadow of my past self, and I cannot stand who I am and what I have become. I used to be young and powerful but now I am just sitting on my ass, doing guard duty on a lump at the ass-end of the universe, wasting away. And in the mean time, I am constantly eating to fill the void in my body, because food is the only thing that seems to make me happy 24/7!”
Retvik didn’t reply instantly. Phovos knew what he was going to say though. That she was lying to herself and was a great person, despite what her brain tells her.
“Maybe you should seek medical help.”
“That’s the thing!” Phovos growled under her breath. “I am getting medical help. But I am not going anywhere. I am a fucking mess.”
“You are not, but your self-loathing won’t let you see it. Perhaps then you should take a nap, and maybe you’ll feel better.”
“Doubt it.”
“I am sorry, Phovos. Also, I am sorry in another way, I have to get started now.”
Phovos took a deep breath, still not happy. “Yeah, you go do that. Have a good day, Ret.”
“Thank you. And the same to you too, Phovos.”
The small symbol next to Retvik’s name turned from green into grey. Phovos hesitated, then sighed some more.
“Maybe I should just go back to bed…”