“I don’t feel ready…”
Elkay-En had been muttering that a lot over the last three hours. Which was weird, because four hours ago, Elkay-En had stated the opposite, that he was ready. He and Vekeus had submitted their application to do a Decay Lord Trial together and were now waiting for a confirmation and a date. Ever since though, Elkay-En had just been wandering around, unsettled and not knowing what to do with himself.
What bothered Elkay-En was just how little time he’d spent training. Apparently, the previous set of Decaylings had been training for over half a year-string, and it was similar for the Thantir Eight as well. But for Elkay-En, they’d barely been training for three four-evs. Sure, Elkay-En was way more powerful than the others, he was a Life Goddess after all, but it felt weird. Something felt off. Elkay-En couldn’t explain it.
“You keep on saying that. You want to talk?”
Elkay-En blinked then looked up. He’d been on the beach on his own, in the far corner where no one looked, practising making shapes with his… meat powers. Elkay-En was really struggling to think of a better name for his abilities to create mindless flesh, muscle, bones and sinew. Elkay-En had also been hiding his powers from everyone else but people were starting to work out that Elkay-En could make monstrosities. No one had commented on it, but that was something else that bothered him.
“Oh. Hello, Tanos. Hello Akah.”
“Hiya, Elkay-En. Tanos said he could hear you talking to yourself in a negative light, so we decided to come and check on you.”
“Oh…” Elkay-En frowned some more. “I came out here to be moody and grumpy on my own, so I wouldn’t disturb anyone.”
Tanos glanced at Akah, then shrugged. “That’s not a good way to be though. Your sadness isn’t something to hide. We all get sad sometimes. Do you want to talk?”
Elkay-En grunted. “No. I feel like a burden when I am sad.”
“You… you’re not a burden though?” Tanos was confused. “You’re just sad. We’re all allowed to be sad and have emotions and stuff. And, like, we’re worried about you. You keep on wandering off to be on your own, like you’re intentionally isolating yourself.”
“I am isolating myself, because I’m a messed up Life Goddess with messed up powers.”
“But…” Tanos was still confused. “But… don’t all Life Goddesses have, like, the same powers?”
Akah nodded in agreement. “I know you don’t like the meat things you make, but you’re definitely not the only person who can do that.”
Elkay-En crossed his arms and tutted. “I am well aware that Sini is capable of making meat fortresses in which she tortured people. Me-but-better already described them to me.”
“Who… uh…” Akah thought for a moment, then clicked back in annoyance. “Don’t call Elkay that. He’s not you but better. You’re two different people. Not even really parallels either since you’re related to Arkay and Elkay is related to Retvik. You keep on doing this thing though where you compare yourself to everyone else and belittle yourself because you think you are beneath everyone when you’re really not. You’re just imagining this strange hierarchy when everyone else just sees you as just another member of the Thantir.”
“I’m a frea-”
Tanos suddenly rushed forward and covered Elkay-En’s mouth. “You’re not a freak. Please, don’t say that.”
“I am. I can create flesh monsters and-”
“So can Phovos. So can Sini. So can Epani!” Tanos countered. “It’s a Life Goddess thing. I bet pretty much every Life Goddess can do it. It’s just that the meat stuff is what you learned to do first. And I’m pretty sure it’s what Sini learned to do first. She’s, like the most standard Life Goddess around. Which means you’re also like a standard Life Goddess. But also, you kinda also gotta stop caring about these things! We ALL have weird powers!”
“What… what do you mean?”
Tanos smiled, then sighed and flicked back one of his fluffy ears. “Friend, you have no idea how often I have to block my own hearing because I can hear almost everything. I sleep with ear plugs now because otherwise I hear half the Thantir who have partners screwing each other. Nyssi has telepathy which she messes up all the time, but she also creates pheromones and toxins and once accidentally made something that made the four of us super horny when we were on a Corruption purge. Ret accidentally nearly blinded himself once trying to make a rainbow, and you have no idea how many hoodies Kayel set on fire or froze or whatever! And I’m sure Akah has awkward problems with his ice powers too, right?”
Akah nodded. “Indeed. I’ve accidentally frozen the blood in parts of my body. I also once accidentally slit my own wrist on my own ice shield then had to freeze the wound so I wouldn’t bleed out. In the mean time, you just have generic Life Goddess powers. Like, every Life Goddess can do what you do, it’s just Life Goddesses learn at different speeds and start off with different powers. That’s nowhere near as bad as the fact that Arkay and Elkay can literally turn into Corruption.”
“My point is, you’re being really mean to yourself and you need to stop!” Tanos went back to smiling. “You’re fine! You’re a little weird, but we’re all a little weird! Being weird is what makes the Thantir who we are.”
“I guess, but I’m still worried that I’m not ready.”
Akah clicked a little. “No one is ever 100% ready.”
“And, like, the big guys ain’t stupid!” Tanos added. “If they didn’t think you were ready, they wouldn’t have put in the forms and stuff. You even went through a bunch of old trials and Vekeus said they all looked easy.”
Elkay-En relented. “I guess you’re right.”
“Of course we’re right!” Tanos beamed, wagging his tail. “Come on. Stop being on your own and let us distract you for a bit. You look like you need distractions.”
“I… I do, yes.”
“Do you want ice cream?” Akah asked. “I’m testing out some flavours.”
Elkay-En smiled. “You know what? Sure, why not.”