“ARKY!”
Yisini screeched with excitement as she wrapped her serpentine body around the Thantophor, squishing him in the warmest and friendliest hug imaginable, before letting go and dropping Arkadin on a small stool in front of where she was working.
“HOW ARE YOOOOU? I HAVEN’T SEEN YOU IN AAAAAAGES!”
Having sat her sudden new best friend down, Yisini coiled around the bottom of the stool, looking up playfully at Arkadin, before summoning a plate overflowing with various pies.
“Tell meeee! How you beeeeen?”
Arkadin sighed, wiping the slime off his body. He was very, very glad that he had decided not to wear any fabric, instead wearing heavy bone armour over his scaled and organically armour-plated body.
“You seem excited.”
“I am! I was worried about you!” Yisini smiled, offering the plate of pies to Arkadin. “You just sorta dropped off the radar. Is everything alright?”
The genuine looks of concern made Arkadin somewhat… concerned. “Uhm, everything is as fine as it can be, I guess. I actually came-”
Before Arkadin could finish, Yisini suddenly vanished, before abruptly reappearing in a much more normal size, placing a table and a chair between the two deities. The table was covered in even more food, all items that Yisini believed Arkadin liked.
“Take some. You look hungry.”
“You-”
“Seriously. Take some food. You look really rough!” Yisini smiled. “No tricks! Nothing like that! I’ve been worried about you!”
Arkadin reluctantly took a single item, a small meat pie, then nibbled the edge of it. “I, uh, appreciate your consideration, Yisini.”
“I appreciate you being here!” Yisini’s tail wagged from side to side with glee, gently knocking the table back and forth. “What’s going on in the world of Arkadin?”
The Thantophor hesitated before answering. “You’re kinda… acting weirdly, Yisini.”
“Am I?”
“Yeah. You’re being really friendly.”
Yisini rolled her eyes. “Meanwhile you’ve been AWOL for the last few weeks. Did Kenon really fuck you up that much?”
“I got… knocked out…”
“You mean heavily sedated to the point of non-function. That’s why you came to me, right?” Yisini smiled, helping herself to some nibbles. “You want some help against Kenon. You don’t know what to do.”
“I know what to do, I just don’t have the facilities to do it…” Arkadin tutted. “Unlike the rest of you, I’m kinda busy. But what I need doing is out of my power.”
“Ohhh?” Yisini leaned forward. “You actually need my help?”
“I do.”
The Allbirther leaned forward some more, her breasts resting against the table. “Ooooh? What do you need me to do and what do I get out of it?”
Arkadin closed his eyes, sighing. “Kenon is using some sort of airborne disease to hijack what is known as the Secret, the hidden telepathic network that Rethavok use to connect and communicate with one another. I need… an antibiotic to this disease. Preferably one that can be thrown into the water supply and given out stealthily.”
Yisini rested her head in her hands, humming to herself and clearly considering Arkadin’s request. After a few moments and a few bites of pie, she grinned.
“Sure. I can do it. Gonna take me at least a year to work out, but I can do it. But what can you offer me in return?”
“I… I don’t really have much to offer in return. Don’t really have much of any-”
“OH I KNOW!” Yisini suddenly interrupted. “I know what you can do for me!”
Arkadin sighed wearily. “Is it going to be something I hate?”
“I want you to get laid. Get a girlfriend or a boyfriend and get laid.”
“Ah…” Arkadin paused. “I was… already… kinda working on the… girlfriend part…”
“Good! Makes it easier! I’ll do as you’ve requested, it’ll take time but I’ll do it! In the mean time, I want you to get yourself laid and when you’ve done it, I want you to tell me. Don’t need a book report or anything, just want you to tell me that you had sex, I was right and sex is nice.”
“Is there… a time scale on this?”
“Nope!” Yisini beamed. “As long as you actually do it.”
“You don’t want me to-”
“No, I don’t want to know who it is, just tell me when you’re done! I want to be surprised!”
Arkadin smiled slightly, getting up from his seat and taking a pie with him. “Well, thanks, Yisini. I’ll, uh, work on my… flirting skills…”
Yisini reached over the table, dragging her breasts over the rest of the pies and marking them as her own, then patted Arkadin on the shoulder. “You’re welcome, mate! Go out there and have fun!”