Another God Damned Meeting

Arkadin took a long, deep breath as he waited for Epani and Yisini to arrive. Kairos had gone and arranged a meeting right in the middle of Arkadin’s work, and the Death Lord was beginning to think that these constant interruptions were more than just concidence. What made matters worse though was that Kairos wanted to hold the meeting at Arkadin’s house of all places. Why? Arkadin had no idea, but he hadn’t done the dishes yet and the table was covered in dust.

“Why don’t you just use your godly powers to do all the little mortal chores?” Kairos asked. He was perched gently on the roof, his body about twice the size of the house but made lightweight by his own godly abilities. “You’re a god and you’re standing there washing glasses and making fruit punch.”

“Because it’s stupid? I can’t make a mess then magically clean it up.”

“Sure you can!” Kairos smiled.

“It’s a bit abusive of my deitic powers though.”

“Nah. Kinisis and Kenon just told you that to keep you in line!” Kairos grinned as he waved his arms, washing up the rest of the dishes with telekinesis and time magic. “Seriously, you don’t use your powers as much as you should.”

Arkadin tutted, then looked outside and tutted some more. Yisini and Epani had arrived, and Yisini had trashed one of Arkadin’s poolside deck chairs. Again.

“Do I smell PUNCH?” Yisini gasped as she burst into the living room, shrinking herself down to fit. Epani and Kairos shapeshifted themselves into upright, thropic forms to more easily navigate Arkadin’s furniture. Yisini’s tail though remained outside, floating in the pool.

“Why did you call us here, Arkadin?” Epani asked.

“I didn’t arrange this, Kairos did.”

Epani turned to Kairos, her single long, glowing tentacle-like lure on her head flickering around. “Why did you call us here, Kairos?”

“Because Kinisis is being weird.”

“She’s always being weird though!” Yisini exclaimed. “Or is this about her inserting random thoughts into our heads?”

“It’s both that and her plans to date again. We can’t let her date again. Not for a long, long time.”

“Why?” Yisini was filled with questions today. “Also, Arky, can I have some of your pool water?”

Arkadin grunted. “Why the fuck do you want pool water? It’s fucking chlorinated for starters!”

“It might contain the secret to eternal life…” Yisini quietened down.

“Sister, I have told you a few million times now that nothing I do, say, create or own has anything to do with eternal life. That’s on you, Epani and Kinisis.”

Yisini sighed, took some pool water anyway then straightened herself out. “So we don’t want Kinisis to date?”

“She’s an emotionally unstable wreck at the best of times…” Kairos explained. “But she is even more of an emotional wreck right now because she technically just split up with Kenon. If she starts dating, Kenon will get pissed off and so will she when she realises that dating is hard and you have to sort between a billion douchebags.”

“So basically.. ” Epani trailed off. “Uh… Are we protecting her more than normal?”


“Why is she inserting random things into our heads though?” Epani seemed no less confused. “These thoughts are worrying and intrusive, for a myriad of reasons. Yesterday she suggested that I sleep with Yisini again.”

“Oh you got one of those too?” Arkadin half-sneered. “Because even if we’re not really siblings, the random thought Kinisis inserted into my mind was horrendous.”

“What was it?” Yisini asked, a sly smile on her face. “Because I enjoy the sexy thoughts.”

“Of course you do, you’re the sex god…” Arkadin sighed. “She literally stuck a sex scene between me and Kairos into my dreams.”

“Go on…” Yisini twiddled her fingers.

“No, fuck you!” Arkadin was getting snappy. “It’s not fun, it’s awkward and worrisome!”

“Only if you let it be awkward and worrisome!” Yisini smiled. “They’re just fantasy.”

“They are intrusive though,” Kairos interjected, “so Arkadin and Epani getting annoyed is fair.”

“Maybe if we let Kinisis date, she’ll stop with the thoughts?” Yisini suggested.

“Only if we filter through every single candidate…” Epani added. “We protect her but we should not make her lonely.”

“Well I am not partaking in any of this!” Arkadin exclaimed. “It’s all fucking ludicrous! And none of us know what she likes anyway!”

“Well, we do…” Kairos hesitated. “We lived with Kenon for billions of years…”

“I don’t care. I won’t be a part of this!” Arkadin shouted, waving his arms around fruitlessly. “And if you all insist on being gatekeepers, I don’t want you doing it in my house!”

Kairos shrugged. “That’s fair. Don’t want to drag you into this if you don’t want to.”

Epani and Yisini nodded in agreement, then clicked their tongues and disappeared in puffs of red smoke and purple glitter. Arkadin scowled as he went to put the freshly cleaned and unused glasses away.


“Don’t apologise now. Save it for when you inevitably drag me into this mess later on.”

Kairos shook his head. “No, I’m genuinely sorry.”

“Whatever. Aren’t you supposed to be having a date with Phovos now?”

The Whenvern’s eyes widened. With a flap of his wings, he disappeared inside a silver cloud, leaving behind only echoes of various curse words.