“So you spoke to Arkay.”
Kaytee felt absolutely tiny right now. Standing before him were Retvik and Litvir, the two leaders of the Thantir. By Kaytee’s side was Teekay, AKA Shocktrooper, and one of the Thantir Decaylings. Someone Kaytee considered to be a better person than himself.
“He accidentally invited me into a group chat with all six of Loopblade and two other people who are also called Teekay. Wanted to tell them off for calling themselves his ex. He also told me to hug Elkay and didn’t mind me telling you.”
Retvik eyed Teekay, then turned his attention back to Kaytee. “What did Arkay say to you?”
“Uh…” Kaytee stuttered. “He… he was trying to… remember his past. And we discovered the actual Loopblade-7. Someone called Telecharm. Worse, we… found a Loopblade-0. Or negative one or something. Arkay seemed upset. It was too much for him.”
“You scared him off.”
“No! No no no!” Kaytee nearly fell backwards. Retvik seemed angry. And if Retvik was genuinely like the being Kaytee remembered, that was dangerous. “He… I… Telecharm Teekay seemed to know more than we did! He was the final loop, he saw how that universe truly ended!”
Retvik leaned forward. “This Telecharm, what were they like?”
“More… mentally stable than I am… But also… He… That Teekay… he became a Veth. He saw past the loop. But he fled a universe that was being consumed by Corruption and was broken by that, rather than being broken by what we saw. And Arkay… he stayed, to try and fight the Corruption.”
“Of course Arkay stayed to fight Corruption. The question is, why did Telecharm Teekay leave?”
“Uh…” Teekay raised his hand, then realized he was acting a little too similarly to Kaytee. He was more like Loopblade than he was willing to admit, and the group chat he was now a part of really pushed that point home, to the point that Teekay was worried that Telecharm was exactly like him. “We all kinda chatted after Arkay left and Telecharm heavily suggested that Kinisis just kinda… let the universe be Corrupted. Like, Retvik, we’re all good guys, but there’s a point where self-preservation overrides your desire to protect others.”
“Arkay has always put others before himself…” Retvik frowned. “Despite his duties as a god of decay, he did his best to protect as many as possible, to be fair and just. Doubly so when he acted as a mortal. Was he the same in your universe, Kaytee?”
Kaytee hesitated, then nodded. “Yeah. No matter what, he always put others before himself. He gave himself so the Vice General could live, he and the rest of the Exaron sacrificed themselves for us, he sacrificed himself to save them from the Challenge of Stasis and he suffered to protect us from the invading Temthans. Then he offered himself to the Cycle for his family. And I guess, in the loop after mine, he gave himself for the universe as well, when the Cycle abandoned it.”
“I mean… Arkadin… Arkay… he was a grumpy bastard but he was always willing to help others…” Teekay felt a little lost, since he didn’t really know Arkay that well. At least, not as well as everyone else present.
“Alternatively…” Litvir hadn’t said much until now. While Kaytee noticed that most of the Thantir, at least, the younger ones, seemed somewhat familiar, Litvir was completely and utterly foreign to Kaytee. Terrifying, but not the same way that Retvik was terrifying. Cold and calculating, rather than aggressive and fiery. “Alternatively… Maybe… Maybe Arkay has always been so beaten down by Kinisis, by everything he lived through, that Arkay believed he had no self-worth, that he would give himself up for anyone or anything… We tried to change that, when we were Decaylings. To give Arkay a desire to live for himself.”
“That was, uh, oddly touching, boss…” Teekay tutted.
“No, it is oddly disturbing. Because we never managed it!” Retvik sighed. “I do not know what happened to Arkay while he was in Deathven, but he threw that all away and threw himself into danger for his godly siblings so Epani could build a new universe, and the second Arkay was told someone he cared for could have been hurt, he threw away all the progress he had made for himself over the last few months. Arkay has an eternal lack of self-worth.”
“Actually, I think it is worse than that…” Litvir interrupted. “I know Arkay made his promise to us, Retvik, but…” Litvir paused, then glanced at Kaytee and Teekay.
“I knew it!” Teekay pointed a finger at Retvik. “The bastard somehow travelled across the fucking multiverse to stop you from dying!”
“But… you would have to be… Ancient Life Goddess-levels of powerful to be able to do that…” Kaytee muttered. “Then again, I suppose, thanks to how time comes and goes and isn’t consistent or anything, Arkay… could be utterly ancient. He kinda… said so himself, six months for us was like two billion years or something.”
“An ancient being that believes themselves to be worthless!” Litvir hissed. “All Arkay has ever done is suffer for others. And I fear that Arkay will… continue to do so. Not because he is selfless, not even because he cares about others… I mean, of course Arkay cares about others. But at the same time, Arkay will sacrifice himself again and again, until one day…” Again, Litvir paused. He glanced at Retvik, then sighed loudly. “Hmph. There were multiple reasons why I cut myself from the Secret, the main one being my struggles with genuine empathy… I cannot continue this conversation, I will leave you all to it.”
Litvir sighed again, then wandered off, before disappearing into a shadow.
“You know what, every time I speak to you Thantir bosses, I think I ruin my chances of joining you and escaping the Phantai!” Kaytee frowned.
“No, no, your joining us will be finalized after the Decaylings have done their Trial, that is guaranteed. It is just… You know how Psehon and Phos were… awkward while Telin was ill? And you have noticed how Galyn is happier and more animated now that he has been reunited with Itaviir and Vikalos? Litvir and I have a similar problem, except it…”
“It’s difficult for you, right, boss?” Teekay asked.
“Yes. It is.”
Teekay crossed his arms, closed his eyes and thought to himself briefly, before opening them again. “You should go and speak to Litvir, see what just scared him off. Eksi says he’s up in your private quarters.”
Retvik grunted, then bowed slightly. “Thank you. I appreciate you letting me know about Arkay’s communications with you both. Please let me know if he gets in touch again, and I apologise for being gruff.”
Teekay and Kaytee watched as Retvik headed off.
“You see, THAT is why I want to join you guys. Your bosses are half-decent people.”
“Yeah, sure, but Retvik and Litvir are struggling. I’m honestly wondering if they might pass leadership back to Galyn.”
“Would that be a bad thing?”
“No, but still…”
It didn’t take too long for Retvik to get to the top floor, to the personal quarters he and Litvir shared. As he opened the door, Retvik expected to see Litvir pacing around, playing with his tablet. But instead, Litvir was just sitting on the bed, staring blankly at the wall opposite.
“Litvir, dear, what is wrong? You do not normally wander off like that.”
Litvir tutted in annoyance, already having an answer. “Sometimes I miss being a cold-hearted monster. It pains me that Arkay has sacrificed himself so many times, and will not stop until he is truly dead. Since that is the only way Arkay believes his suffering will end.”
“You do not know that for certain.”
“It is pretty certain. And I think Arkay is acutely aware of it. I will be honest, Arkay’s disappearance has hurt me far more than I expected. I thought we were doing better.”
Retvik sighed, then sat down next to Litvir. “I know. It hurts me too. All we can do is be there for Arkay when he comes back. And send him messages of encouragement. Because I am sure that, despite his disappearance, he still reads our messages.”
“I guess…” Litvir leaned against Retvik, taking a deep breath. “Can we just… stay here for a bit, please? I need your comfort.”
“Of course, my dear…” Retvik smiled weakly as he pulled Litvir close, gently stroking his cheek. “Whatever you want, my dear…”