It was pretty late, and most of the arenas had shut down. There were a couple of late night matches just finishing up, but things were quiet, which meant that the commotion in the Gold Suite sounded weird. Normally, the Gold Suite was left empty, as it was meant to host the four deities of the universe, but their appearances among mortals were rare. That being said, there had been a significant up-tick in sightings of the Thantophor, the God of Death, and today was no exception.
Still, even the Thantophor was confused. The deities had private meeting places. And Arkay’s appearance at the Grand Arenas wasn’t because he wanted to be there. He’d been summoned, alongside four familiar faces. Tenuk, Retvik, Nyssi and Kayel were among the few mortals that had met all four of the universe’s deities, and they were particularly friendly with Arkay, who had accidentally made them all immortal. How? Arkay still wasn’t certain, but he hadn’t been able to test his theories.
“Ah, welcome, dears!”
Sini, the Goddess of Life, she dealt with mortals differently to Arkay. Normally, she’d visit them in their dreams, or snatch them away from their normal lives, put them through a crazy, drug-and-love-fuelled experience, take what she needed from them then put them back, leaving them only with whatever memories they needed. She did also used to kidnap and experiment on people, but Sini had changed her ways and only did so whenever times were desperate. So her appearance here, summoning both Arkay and four mortals, was probably the weirdest thing around.
“Hi, Sini, what’s all this about?” Arkay asked as he sat his friends down in four of the six large chairs in the room. He could feel that everyone was scared. The first time they had met Sini, she had experimented on them, and they’d only escaped because Arkay had intervened. Retvik in particular, because he was a Rethavok, he was immediately tensing up, his desire to protect his friends making it hard for him to concentrate. “Alright, first off, you’re not here for any… violent reasons, I guess?”
Sini smiled. She smiled a lot, always hiding her emotions behind a happy outer layer. “No, of course not. I don’t do things like that unless I really, really need to. And, these days, I don’t. But I do need to speak to all five of you, because I’ve stumbled across a small problem. One you four former mortals are probably aware of.”
Nyssi raised her hand awkwardly. Being a Temthan, her kind worshipped the Allbirther, and Nyssi herself had been a pretty devout follower, up until Sini had attacked and kidnapped her. Since then, Nyssi had stopped worshipping anyone, and now she was sitting in front of Sini Herself, she was still slightly scared of retribution. “Is this because of the weird corruptiid things we killed?”
“Yes, my little Nyssi, yes it is! I don’t know what Arkay did to you four poor things, dragging you all out from my original blessings, but this is exactly about the monsters you killed! The monsters that only you four seem to be able to kill! Well, Arkay can kill them too, that’s what he’s been doing for me lately, but yes!” Sini continued to smile, then glanced at Arkay. “Are you feeling better, by the way?”
Arkay nodded, but didn’t give any real extra information. “Yeah, I’m fine now. But I don’t know why you are interested in my little team, what have they got to do with the mini-plague?”
“There is a PLAGUE of those monsters?” Tenuk abruptly exclaimed. “We… uh… Nyssi and Kayel have killed like three of them, and you’re saying there’s enough of them to be considered a plague?”
The Thantophor shrugged. “I more meant plague as in a nuisance, not the mass spreading of a disease, but yeah, there are more of them now, and I’m pretty sure Sini is about to ask the four of you to help me or something.”
That smile on Sini’s face only grew. “Indeed! Arkay’s a busy little deity, he can’t be in two places at once without giving himself an aneurysm…”
“I thought you can’t be in two places at all?” Kayel suddenly asked. “Like, the first time you recruited us, you specifically said you can’t be in two places at once!”
“Like Sini said, attempting to do so fucks me over…” Arkay frowned, then glanced back at Sini. “Sorry, please, continue.”
“Thank you, darling!” Sini beamed. “Anyway, yes, that is exactly why I want to speak to you four. Whatever Arkay accidentally did to you to make you immortal, it also made you kinda like him, to the point that you four can actually kill Corruption somehow. I would call you Arkay’s kids but-”
“Sini, you know I’m incapable of-”
Sini snapped her fingers, and Arkay immediately fell silent. “If one of you interrupts me again, I will give four of you a permanently itchy pussy and one of you permanently itchy bollocks. Now shut up and let me talk.”
Arkay sighed, then apologised. “Sorry, Sini.”
“It’s fine!” Sini’s big grin returned. “Anyway, I’m basically telling the four of you that Arkay’s busy making sure that big Corruption doesn’t get in, and I need you to help him kill anything that slips through. That little trip to Kolasi that my Ksithan Mistake sent you on, where you met one of my boyfriends? I want you to do that full time. I give you a location, you go there, you kill any corrupted monsters you find, then you move on to the next location. In the mean time, I’ll give you guys a nice ship you can use, you can spend some time in hotels if you get tired, that I’m willing to pay for, and you get to fight things!”
“Huh… so Thassalin wasn’t lying when he said he knew you…” Nyssi muttered.
“Who is Thassalin?” Arkay asked, looking both confused and vaguely annoyed.
“He is this massive pink Thraki we met when we went to Kolasi,” Retvik did his best to explain. “We assumed he was very old because he was very large, but we… did not believe him when he said he knew the Allbirther, and called her Yisini for some reason.”
“He’s also one of my regular hookups!” Sini chirped cheerfully. “He’s one of my little mistakes, alongside my Ksithan, Rethan and Vohra Mistakes, the same way you four are Arkay’s mistakes and Epani has her little collection of six monster mistakes.”
“Please don’t call Phovoula and Kuta ‘mistakes’. That’s mean!” Arkay tutted. “Not their fault you did… uh… something… to make them accidentally immortal! And while I appreciate you trying to make these four help, killing living, active Corruption is something only I should do. I’m aware that I sent them on a task to help clean up the Earth Bones but that Corruption was both mostly dead and… not normal.”
“They’re immortal. They can handle it. Right, kiddos?”
Kayel and Nyssi both shrugged, not seeming that bothered. Tenuk looked rather concerned. However, Retvik was both not too bothered and somewhat concerned at the same time.
“I sense you’re having problems there, dear?” Sini immediately called Retvik out.
“A… a little…” Retvik stuttered. “The idea of killing more Corruptiids sounds somewhat fun, I guess, but we are normal beings, we have, well, jobs and things. Obligations and contracts and bills and things like that.”
Sini waltzed over and patted Retvik on the head. “Oh, I get that. You’ll be paid for your work. So you, Nyssi and Kayel don’t need to worry about mortgages, rent and utilities. And if you’re worried about your work contract with the Raptor, I can have a chat with her, we can send some of those fancy recording drones the Arena owns with you guys, to follow you on your adventures. I’ll put it bluntly though, I’m not really giving you four much choice in this. Epani won’t let us make demi-deities, you lot are the next best choice. And, unlike my mistakes, you’re already familiar with both us deities and the monsters I want you to kill.”
“Plus it’s no different from what we’ve already done!” Nyssi added. “I mean, we’re gonna get to explore the universe and literally work for the gods! How could we say no to that, if we had the chance to say no in the first place!”
“Exactly, my girl!” Sini’s smile was starting to bother Arkay, mostly because he knew he had literally zero say in anything that was going on. “It’ll be good for all of you anyway! Tenuk gets to shapeshift into interesting things and gets to fly a cool-ass ship; Retvik gets to fight things again and also help satisfy his Rethan instincts to protect everyone; Nyssi gets to expand her zoology knowledge, learn about a new species and also kill said new species; and Kayel gets to use his Phantasma powers without any downsides, while also satisfying his bloodlust! You all win! So, any questions?”
Everyone glanced at each other, not really sure what to say. Eventually, Kayel raised his hand.
“Yes, darling?”
“Uh, when do we start?”
Sini shrugged. “Soon. I’ll let you know when everything’s ready. In the mean time, I’d like you four to relax and chill out, and maybe consider getting boyfriends and girlfriends and having some kids at some point. And Arkay, feel free to have a quick break before getting back to work. Alright?”
Before anyone could respond, Sini disappeared in a puff of pink smoke.
“Uh, Arkay, was she serious about the having kids thing?” Tenuk asked, after an awkwardly long silence.
Arkay frowned, then nodded. “Yeah, probably.”
“I’m underage though.”
“I know, but she doesn’t mean right now. And she asks anyone with strong genetics to have kids, it’s not just you lot…” Arkay sighed. “Anyway, are you guys hungry?”
“I’m fucking starving!” Kayel exclaimed. “Dunno about you lot, but I’ve had a busy day!”
“Fair enough…” Arkay tutted as he got up. “Let me know what you guys want, and I’ll order it in. My treat. You guys always deserve something nice for being constantly caught up in my stupid godly stuff…”