Dearest, beloved Gath,
You haven’t spoken to me since the fire. I am worried sick about you. I have tried calling you and messaging you and all sorts. When I requested to be wheeled to your side in my bed, I was refused. You clearly don’t want to speak to me. I don’t know why. I want to know though, so I can correct whatever it is I have done wrong and make you happy again.
You have every right to be angry and hurt and hateful. The fire destroyed nearly everything. Thankfully, Kass went back and managed to save our bound daggers. I have them here with me. Kass said you couldn’t even look at them.
I know I have not been a good partner. Some of this has been outside my control, but I have not done enough even when I have been here with you. I have been too busy with my supposed duties. That is wrong and I must do better.
I have done much worse though. I completely understand your anger in how I left you for that stupid challenge of Stasis. I should have told you and everyone that I was expecting. I should have said something. I doubt the High General would have sent me had he known. Then again I had a full medical and no one picked up on the unborn kid inside me. The blame here is partially on me. But they may have sent me through anyway.
As for your kid… I swear to you, the burning of our home, that had nothing to do with me. It wasn’t even some damned Deitic trying to ruin us. It was a fucking stray cigarette. Some worthless Cassid probably threw it out their window while driving. That is what the Astynom have told me. It sickens me that our lives have been torn apart by something wholly random. But you can’t blame me for this. Please don’t. There are plenty of other faults you can hate me for. My inability to give you kids, my long disappearances, my anger issues and my stubborness. I must improve on all these and more. We both have our problems but we can only beat them together.
I partially understand why you don’t want to even see me. I think you want a break. Some time to yourself to heal and recover. Not everyone recovers best among lovers and friends. You need some time and if that means you don’t want me around for a while, then I respect that decision.
But if you want to end our relationship in a more… Permanent way… PLEASE I beg of you, please talk to me first. Please. You are the reason why I always push on, no matter what horrors I face. The indomitable will of the Rethianoi is not a genetic thing, but a force powered by our love for others. If you were to leave me, I would be broken forever. Gath please, I know I have done so much wrong by you but I promise I will better myself. I will do anything and everything to keep your love.
I love you more than existence itself. There are times where it does not seem like that, but I swear, I love you so much.
Please, take the time you need to heal, but don’t do anything drastic.
Your loving partner,
Retvik