Tenuk stood by the water’s edge, watching as souls drifted down the shallow, glittering river. The sky was slowly turning from a light pink to a deep, dark navy blue, but there were no stars in the sky.
“Hiya, Tenypoo!”
Death leaped out of a nearby bush riding on the back of one of her Veth. Tenuk panicked and fell to the ground, doing his best to not completely piss himself. Death was still laughing as she jumped off the Veth and sent it off elsewhere.
“Did you urinate?” Death cackled.
“No, of course not!” Tenuk quickly replied. “Nearly though. Fucking Light, Death, you nearly scared me to… um, never mind.”
Death was still smirking. “I made you leak.”
“You didn’t.”
“Hehe. Whatever you say, dear!” Death suddenly completely changed her tune. “Do you remember the first time we met?”
Tenuk tutted. “Yes, how could anyone forget? You got two of your Veth to drag me outside, knock me out and leave me unconscious in front of my house. Couldn’t even tuck me in bed or anything. Just left me there.”
Death shrugged, then started walking back to her house, the strange, green, gooey dome on the horizon. She pulled a flask of drink out of thin air, offering some to Tenuk, who politely refused. “I would have had them put you inside in bed, but firstly, I didn’t have a door key and didn’t want my Veth to leave you with a broken window, and secondly, that’s so totally cliché.”
“This whole damn thing is cliché!” Tenuk sighed.
Death spun around to stare at Tenuk. “How is this cliché? Like, in any way? You’re some sort of half-god half-dinosaur hermaphrodite with an obsession with mortals, and I’m the personification of Death itself, who is obsessed with sex and drugs and various musical genres.”
“And tea…” Tenuk added. “Or something vaguely looking like tea…”
“And tea! Hang on…” Death was giving Tenuk funny looks again. “Do you not like my tea?”
“Uhhhhhh…” Tenuk was at a loss for words. “It depends. Sometimes your drinks taste somewhat like they’re supposed to. Other times it’s like drinking Cassid sewage water. Or worse, Bayvak blood.”
“What does Bayvak blood taste like?”
“Like drinking hydrochloric acid.”
“And what does that taste like?”
Tenuk blinked. “Um, a mortal can’t drink hydrochloric acid without dying from molten and dissolved internal organs. Not unless it’s stupidly watered down.”
Death frowned, then quickened her pace. She downed her drink then started sprinting. Tenuk, realising that he’d upset Death and that doing so was an incredibly stupid and risky thing to do, chased after Death, shouting apologies.
“I’m sorry, Death! But I can help you make an actually drinkable drink! Something you’d like too!”
Death reached the entrance to her gigantic domed home and tore a hole in the side of it. The Veth around her knew to back way, not wanting to test her temper. Tenuk followed her, not knowing how angry she was until a blade flew past him and embedded itself in the wall behind the little Krono-Rethan.
“Death, please, I’m sorry!”
“Why did no one ever tell me?” Death yelled, throwing things across the room. “I’ve been part of this universe for over thirteen billion years and no one fucking told me the entire time that my drinks were awful?”
“Well, to be fair… You’re Death herself. No one wants to offend you in case you kill them. Frail, confused Deitics like me in particular!” Tenuk explained.
Death suddenly perked up. “Tenuk, you have more balls than a Scrota Beast. I accept your apology.”
Tenuk smiled awkwardly, not wanting to know what a Scrota Beast was.
“It’s a giant hairy monster that’s covered in testicles. Like, three hundred of them. All it does is float in oceans eating microorganisms and releasing sperm to fertilize eggs.”
“I didn’t really want to know, Death. Did you not read that last sentence?” Tenuk sighed.
“Yeah but I ignored it. It’s unlike you to break the fourth wall!” Death’s smile grew, covering her whole face almost, before quickly fading as she realised she had things to do and a few Deitics to execute. “I am glad that someone finally told me the truth. It’s just that my sense of taste is terrible.”
Tenuk nodded. “I noticed. How about next time I come, I bring some ingredients with me, and we’ll make some proper tea?”
Death’s grin returned. “I’d love that! See you later, Tenuk!”
“Farewell, Death!” Tenuk smirked.