A Quota Filled

“Ah, you’re back!” Death grinned as she rushed out and welcomed Arkay with open arms. “And you did exactly as I asked of you! Absolutely perfect!”

Arkay sighed as he threw a small, glowing orb into the river. It was the soul of the last being he had killed. Death walked over, expecting a hug, but didn’t get one.

“Are you angry at me or anything?” Death asked, partially annoyed. She hadn’t seen Arkay for a week or so and had missed her little Veth Prime more than she would have liked.

“You made me go and kill five hundred people to fill out a quota,” Arkay finally grunted. “It was that or be tortured for the next billion years. Just because I did the job you wanted, doesn’t mean I am happy about it.”

Death smiled, then grabbed Arkay by the hand, dragging him to the large, green orb thing that Death called home. As they entered though, Death remembered what she had been doing before her most powerful servant’s arrival. In the middle of the room, Death’s favourite servant was laying naked on a large, inflatable mattress.

“Uh, hello, Arkay…”

“Hi, Iatre. Is Death treating you well?” Arkay didn’t seem too surprised. As far as he was concerned, he’d rather someone else be screwed by Death than him for a change.

Iatre nodded, then reached for his clothing, pulling on a pair of trousers. But as he tried to leave, Death grabbed him too and sat the two Veth down on the bed.

“So, uh, what’s going on?” Iatre asked as he tried to cover himself up a bit more. While Arkay was much more animal-like, an armoured beast with heavy claws, a long snout and scary teeth, Iatre was basically a humanoid with a tail and long fingernails.

“Why are you putting clothes on, Iatre?” Death tutted as her shadowy tentacles uncovered her sexy parts. “I wasn’t done with you.”

“Um,” Iatre hesitated. “I’m… not really comfortable with the concept of intercourse while he’s around. It’s a little intimidating. Why are you here, Arkay?”

Arkay simply rolled his eyes. Unlike most Veth, Arkay was in a bad mood and never seemed to be that scared of Death, even when she threatened him with torture. He’d been back for five minutes and already he was sick of Death’s shit.

“Death sent me out to kill a bunch of beings on a ship for no real reason.”

“No,” Death growled. “I sent you to kill those people to fill my daily quota of dead people!”

“We have a quota?” Iatre interrupted.

“We don’t have a quota,” Arkay tutted. “None of the Veth here have any idea that you have a quota, Death. You made that up. You just wanted to watch me do something I didn’t want to do and only did because I’m not in the mood for more torture.”

Death didn’t reply at first. She was thinking of some sort of comeback or perhaps an insult. The stupid Veth was right, she just enjoyed making Arkay do things.

“So, uh, Arkay, you basically got to be the Grim Reaper for a week?” Iatre asked.

“Well, for that ship, yeah.”

“Sounds pretty fun, in my opinion… I mean, maybe not killing innocent people like Death made you do, but being an immortal monster hunting down the evil in this little universe sounds like my idea of a good time.”

Arkay shrugged. “I guess. Certainly better than torture and rape. I assume she’s treating you alright?”

Iatre hesitated. “Uh, mostly. Better than she treats you. Also, you wouldn’t happen to know why she’s obsessed with asking if I want an omelette?”

The Veth Prime rolled his eyes and sighed. He wanted to scream that Death was a retard and smack her across the face the way she often did to him, but it wasn’t worth the likely punishments he’d get in return.

Finally, Death had come up with a comeback.

“Well, stupid! You still did as I told you to do so I still win! So nyah!”

Iatre and Arkay both stared at Death as she pulled faces and obscene hand gestures at Arkay, before straightening herself out.

“But I like your Grim Reaper idea, Iatre. That sounds cool. I’d totally watch Arkay doing that. I give you a list, you go out and brutally murder them! Can you do that, Arkay?”

Arkay tutted. “Only if they actually deserve to die. I don’t want to go around killing people who are living good lives.”

“Great! Now go chill for a bit, I’ll give you a list tomorrow!” Death beamed with glee. Suddenly, she grabbed Arkay by the scruff of his neck and carried him to the entrance, chucking him outside. Death grinned, then slammed the door shut, her attention turning back to Iatre.

Iatre blinked with confusion, having no idea what had just happened.

“Now, where were we?” Death smiled as she climbed back into bed. “Oh yes, I remember. Take your pants off, Iatre…”