Clients from Kinigi

“What the fuck have you done to yourself?” Death gasped, dropping her cup of tea all over the place.

Arkay blinked, all confused. He’d given himself a large pair of horns, an even larger pair of demonic, scaly wings, huge claws and big spikes on his tail. Otherwise he looked like his normal Vethic self.


“What have you done?”

“I…” Arkay was confused. “I made myself into a dragon, as you asked.”

Death growled, picked up a piece of cup and threw it at Arkay. “You IDIOT! That’s not what a fucking dragon looks like!” she shouted, picking up more shards of porcelain and chucking them in the Veth Prime’s general direction.

“Well you’re the one who didn’t give me any references!” Arkay shouted back. “You just left me to guess so I did what I thought looked cool!”

“Have you not even fucking seen a dragon before?” Death snapped.

“No! The closest I’ve seen is a Thraki! And I’m not turning my arms into wings. Fuck that.”

“You seriously haven’t seen a dragon before?” Death tutted, then pulled a notepad out some unknown area underneath her black skirt. Arkay wondered for a moment whether she’d just pulled it out of her arse, but Death made things appear out of thin air all the time. With a scowl, she started doodling on the notepad. “SEE?”

The picture was of some heavily built creature, walking on four legs, with horns and wings and a spiked tail.

“Well, I was pretty close,” Arkay shrugged. “The closest thing to a dragon I’ve seen is a Thanatian with wings, and it stood upright, the way I do. Also it couldn’t really fly.”

Death scrunched up the picture then threw that at Arkay too. “You’re not a dragon.”

“I did what I could with the limited shape-shifting powers you’ve given me! And with no references until now!” Arkay protested. “If you’d drawn a picture of what you wanted me to look like, then I would have gone out looking the way you wanted, rather than looking like this!”

Pulling a weird face, Death was about to get angry, but something was off about that sentence. “What do you mean, gone out?”

Arkay opened his hand and threw something to Death. “Catch.”

The something was actually seven somethings, seven large gems, each embedded in a gold, demonic-looking medallion.

“Turns out, there were seven Deitics fucking around with the mortals of that world. So I killed them…” Suddenly, Arkay coughed and spluttered. He bashed his chest and spat out a small, tungsten crown. “Ugh, I thought something felt pointy.”

“You…” Death was somewhat impressed. “You ate them?”

“You wanted me to be a massive, draconic beast as seen in fantasy. My ideas of what fantasy means are different from yours, but I’m pretty sure such a scary beast would bite the heads off things,” Arkay tutted. “Like I said, you gave me vague instructions, so I carried them out as best I could!”

Death sighed, then slid down her chair. “I kinda wanted you to spend a week terrorizing them, causing problems for the Deitics and eventually publicly killing them and helping the mortals regain control…”

“Well they were all sitting there together, having a massive parade at the expense of the mortals, so I just swooped in, killed them all then ate them,” Arkay also sighed. “It was the easiest thing to do.”

“I should have given you detailed instructions.”

“Yeah, you totally should have,” Arkay smiled. “But at least we got some nice gemstones out of it.”