To whoever finds this,
Consider this a farewell to my sanity. I am chained up in an endless white space writing on a piece of skin ripped off from the hollow corpse of a Kronospast, using my own blood which is so hot it literally burns this supposedly nigh unbreakable skin.
Not exactly efficient.
None of this is.
It’s all insane.
I’ll admit it right here, I fucked up. I made bad deals. I wasted time. I made mistakes. I get it. I fucked shit up. But this? All this nonsense? What did I do? I just do as She tells me yet it’s wrong and I get punished.
I’m getting off track. I wanted to write this so other vok who are going to become Veth perhaps, or just beings in general, know what’s REALLY going on. She made me different from the other Veth, but I’m sure the process is similar. I saw the new Veth being made, was similar to me. Just more organic. Less mechanical. That was probably Her mistake when she made me. That and betraying what little faith and trust I had in existence.
How She makes us, I’m not quite sure. I guess it’s more about making us a part of her. She absorbs the whatever it is that allows us to go down the River… No… She places a part of herself inside us. She puts lots of things inside us. Forcefully. Twirling, twisting, clawing. Pumping the stuff of suns into what remains of our consciousness. Changing us. Turning us into Her vision, into what She needs. Without thought of what we need. I don’t need this.
But here I am, along with all these other Veth. We’re always hungry. Always scavenging, waiting for some creature to accidentally wander in to Kinigi so we can destroy it. Then watch its soul float down the River, if it’s not a spawn of Stasis. As if to fucking taunt us that we’re trapped here in Kinigi forever.
Well, they are. I can go back out into the real world, if She wants to send me on a mission. I need her permission. I don’t know what makes me different. Probably just because She likes me and hates me at the same time. I do things for Her. She hurts me. Then She loves me. Then She makes me do more things, or She chains me up in stupid, nonsensical places.
Really, She loves us all. She kills us then rebirths us. Well, you. You all. You’re all tied to her Cycle and She loves you. More than anything. You are all Her Children. We are simply Her Flesh. Her crawling, clawing fingers, enacting Her will. Keeping the Cycle whole. Protecting Her Children.
That is why She uses me. I am Her.
But She is not what She makes Herself out to be. You all see something different. Heck, I saw Her like that. She looked like, I don’t know, a Thanatian? A ghostly Thanatian with the dark, enveloping shadows. The same shadows She forced onto me, that I carry around, acting out Her will. No, She has Her own form, that only we see. A horrific Veth just like the rest of us. A hungry monster. You will never see Her like that. Only the Veth are blessed or cursed enough to see the true form of Death.
I cannot judge though. I hate what I am and what She is and what we do. I hate Her. But I cannot hate Her Children. That is why I act, kill, main… and write. I do this to protect Her Children, because you are not at fault. But you also deserve to know.
You come down the River. Don’t be scared. None of us will harm you. We will protect you and lead you down the River to be reborn. Your consciousness is massaged and you find the peace you always wanted. Then you wake up in a new body, in a new life. None the wiser. She does that for you. We help you. Because we know what the alternative is.
No one wants to have their soul destroyed.
Not even us Veth.