Elkay sipped his frappé, while Aesop, the Prime Minister of the Cassids, sat there, panicking and fretting over a lost piece of paper.
“I was so certain I brought it with me! I swear! It was with everything else!”
Aesop paused for a moment, having spotted something. But upon realising that it wasn’t the sheet of paper he was looking for, his frantic actions returned.
“I brought it here, it was in my folder! Damn breeze must have taken it!”
The High General of the Retha took another calm sip of his drink. Iced coffee with aggelad milk and four sugars. He was only drinking it because Aesop had offered it to him. Cassids loved coffee drinks, but most Rethans were allergic to the caffeinated drink, giving them headaches and making them nauseous. Elkay was the exception, but that was only because he wasn’t… 100% Rethan-blooded. Not that anyone cared. As far as the local solar system was concerned, Elkay was the best thing since sliced bread.
“I am sure that you will find it later. And if you do not find it, you can always print off a new one, or at worst send me a digital copy,” Elkay smiled.
“This is embarrassing…” Aesop sighed, giving up on his search. “Not only do I look stupid in front of you, but I’m battling a firestorm of social issues that have reignited back home! I was supposed to have this deal signed off by the end of today!”
Elkay nodded in understanding as he put his drink down. “That is true, but we have been putting off on this deal since Photeianos was in power, so I doubt that an extra few days would be that much of a problem.”
“It makes me look bad!” Aesop wailed. “Everyone keeps on comparing me to that “good old High General” and I look like a stupid, hapless twat!”
“You are not a twat.” Elkay picked up his drink and took a large gulp. The heat in this Cassid city was unbearable. “You are a fine leader who has just fallen on hard times.”
“I look weak, General Elkay. At a time when I am trying to battle a strange, almost terrifying far-right trend. A desire to step backwards rather than forwards. The whole Cexit scenario was the warning sign. This sudden hatred against homosexuals and atheists is just the beginning of something ugly.”
Elkay finished his frappé, mulling over Aesop’s words. After a moment of silence, Elkay tipped his head to one side and looked up at Aesop.
“Please excuse my ignorance, but what exactly IS homosexuality? It is a romantic relationship between two beings of the same gender, yes?”
Aesop blinked in confusion. “Uh… Yes… You are correct. A male in a relationship with another male. A female dating another female.”
“But why would beings dislike that?”
“I don’t know!” Aesop exclaimed. “It’s not like it’s anyone else’s business what two consenting Cassids do in their bedroom! It’s all stupid! Who cares if two people with penises are screwing in bed rather than just one male and one female? That’s all homosexuality is. A male loving a male. A female loving a female.”
The High General nodded. “Then… by that definition, all Rethans are homosexuals.”
“Pardon?”
“We are all homosexuals.”
Aesop sighed. “Could you please clarify what the hell you are talking about, General Elkay?”
Elkay shrugged. “There is only one gender among Rethans. While we have male and female trends, we are genetically all the same gender, with the same parts downstairs. That technically means that we are all in a relationship with the same gender, meaning we are homosexuals.”
“That’s not how it works.”
“It fits your definition. Imagine going back and telling all your dissenting Cassids, all of whom see me as a warrior and protector, that I am a homosexual.”
Aesop continued to blink. “That… That could work… But what about the atheism?”
Elkay tutted, then leaned forward. “My friend, after what happened with the Temthans, I think everyone can agree that I am against all deities and religions.”
Finally, Aesop smiled. “You know what? You are right. No wonder why everyone likes you so much, with that big brain of yours.” With a little snicker, Aesop called over a waiter. “Would you like something else to drink?”
“Yes please,” Elkay grinned.