“Happy birthday, Litvir!”
Litvir wasn’t sure how Eksi had managed to get into his personal quarters, but the little yellow and cream Skyavok was standing there holding a cake, a small box and a card, trying to look as cute and innocent as possible.
“You do realize that, firstly, I hatched from an egg, and secondly, I did not inform anyone aside from Retvik that today would technically be my hatch day, if our universe still existed.”
Eksi shrugged, remaining where he was. “Retvik didn’t tell me, Elkay did. Akah pointed out that today would have been a leap day, the 29th of Flevar, and Elkay said that, as High General, he had to write out personalized birth.. uh… hatch day cards to every Rethan General, and he only knew of one Rethan General that was born… uh, that hatched today.”
“Hmph. I always used to burn those cards. A waste of everyone’s time, and an action that was beneath someone as powerful as the High General…”
With a grunt, Litvir stepped into his bedroom. Eksi placed the cake on the desk, then handed him the box and the card.
“Sorry about the quality of the gift and stuff…” Eksi shifted awkwardly. “We kinda didn’t know what to get you and we kinda haven’t really left the ship to be able to buy you anything. Teekay suggested giving you, and I quote, “Elkay’s sweet pussy”, but well, you’re kinda doing your thing with Retvik, Elkay said no and Elksia has been giggling for about three hours now.”
Litvir allowed himself a snicker, then inspected the card. The picture on the front was of some flowers, with the words “CONGRATS, YOU ARE OLD NOW!” scribbled at the top. The flowers were pretty well-drawn, all things considered, and Litvir assumed one of the Decaylings had designed the card, although he had no idea who. Inside, each of the six Decaylings had written something, most of them just plainly saying “happy birthday”, although Elkay had thanked him for his assistance with some recent problems, Tahvra had called him a ‘better leader than he expected’, Phovos had apologised for the writing on the front and Tenuk had drawn what Litvir assumed to be something phallic. A pretty typical Kronospast thing to do.
Weirdly, Eksi had somehow also convinced Retvik and Galyn to sign the card too. Retvik had left a note that he would see Litvir later in the Decay Lords-only observatory, while Galyn had just written the words Happy, Day, Sorry and his name, all in handwriting that was barely legible.
“To be fair, he did write that with his mouth!” Eksi chirped. “We had to get Elkay to approach him though. Galyn won’t talk to anyone else.”
“Elkay has always had blatant low level auric telepathy that makes those around him more open and friendly…” Litvir tutted. “There is no other way that Elkay managed to hold on to power for so long. But I do appreciate the kind gesture. May I ask who drew the flowers on the front?”
“Phovos did. We tried to get Akah to make an ice sculpture of you but, uh, it kinda melted and the head fell off and Elksia was giggling too much to be able to use her time reversal power stuff to fix it.”
The idea of his Decaylings all working together on something so silly tickled Litvir somewhat. He snickered some more, then turned his attention to the box. This object genuinely perplexed Litvir, as he had no idea what it actually was, aside from ‘heavy’. It was wrapped in plain white paper, with small blue and black flowers scribbled across it, sealed shut with black electrical tape.
“What is this?” Litvir asked.
“Uh, open it and find out, idiot!” Eksi smiled somewhat, knowing that he was pretty much the only person on this ship who could get away with calling Litvir an idiot. After all, Litvir somehow respected Eksi. At the very least, Litvir had more respect for Eksi than he did anyone else on the Thantir Two, mostly because Eksi could look past the fact that Litvir was a demented, psychotic, telepathic freak of nature.
Litvir sighed, then did as he was told. He sliced through the tape with a sharp claw, then gently removed the wrapping paper. Inside was a metal box with a hinged lid, which Litvir opened up. The box was mostly filled with shimmering gemstones, tied together in a long necklace. The string holding it all together could barely handle the weight, making actually wearing the necklace a non-viable option, but it was rather pretty.
“That is very pretty, thank you, Eksi.”
“Heh…” Eksi’s smile faded a bit. “Thank Phovos. She’s trying to use her Life Goddess stuff now that she’s, uh, the only Life Goddess here, but all she’s been able to do is make rocks. So I asked her if I could have some and made them into a necklace.”
Litvir inspected the necklace, removing it from the box. However, as he did so, he spotted that the box contained something else.
“Uh, where did you find these?” There was some unease in Litvir’s voice as he pulled a pack of XXL condoms from the box and inspected them. The branding was plain and grey, but definitely not something any of the three Rethans on the Thantir Two would ever buy. And almost certainly not what a rich Kronospast that shapeshifted into a Rethavok on the regular would use.
Eksi shifted nervously, not wanting to answer, but hesitantly doing so anyway. “I, uh, found them in Galyn’s quarters. We both know he was secretly sleeping with Kinisis for a bit. As stupid as that was, he was at least smart enough to use protection…” Eksi trailed off briefly. “That’s probably how she got inside his head and made him not message his Thirds or whatever you call it.”
“I am pretty sure there was never a sexual relationship between Galyn, Vikalos and Itaviir. Much to Galyn’s dismay.”
Litvir inspected the package again. There was writing on each of the five individually sealed condoms, written in Panglish, the language of his old universe. However, the font was scratchy and claw-like, suggesting that the condoms weren’t Rethan or even Panthreanic in origin. They were Temthaic, belonging to the large collection of species that Phovos originally believed herself to belong to.
“I assume they’ll fit!” Eksi’s smile returned. “Sure, Galyn’s a big guy, but, like, Kinisis was smaller than me and Teekay, and we’re pretty short. Plus, I kinda assumed that you’d all run out. Teekay was bemoaning that he and Elkay had run out of the ones they’d bought at the Pleasure Mall and we used our last few like a month ago.”
“Well… I do not know if these are suitable, but thank you, Eksi. Although I do feel somewhat bad-”
Eksi shook his head. “It’s fine, mate. I knew this was going to happen, I knew Kuta set me up to be your friend and companion, not your partner. And I’ll still be your friend while you and Retvik develop your relationship.”
“That is very kind of you…” Litvir patted Eksi on the head. “Still, I do not want you to be alone.”
“I’m not alone though. Me and Phovos are firm friends now, I’ve made new friends with Akah and Tahvra and all six of Kal and, despite them being engaged, Teekay and Elkay are happy to accommodate for me if I get desperate. Plus, we’re going to this new cool Phantai place, where I’m hoping we’ll make new friends!”
Eksi paused. Something on his wrist vibrated. Litvir’s tablet on the desk behind him also vibrated.
“Is it your shift now?” Litvir asked.
“Yeah. But it’s cool. Phovos is gonna come chill with me while I watch navigation!” Eksi jumped up and patted Litvir on the shoulder, then made his way out of the room. “You have a nice time with the hunky fire god, alright?”
“Heh. Thank you, Eksi.”
“No worries, mate. Happy hatch day!”